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Friendships Come and Go, But That Doesn’t Mean Gone Forever.

Becoming friends, again.

Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels

Growing up, my mom would always tell me not to get too attached to friendships because they would never last. I never wanted to believe her. I was a teenager who thought I knew everything about friendships. It was until my early 20’s that I truly understood what she meant.

Making friends was always something that came easy for me. My sister is 15 years older than me, so growing up I was an only child at home. I clung to friendships because they were the closest thing to a sibling that I had. During my fourth-grade year, a new girl was enrolled at my school. She was shy, sweet, and always smiling. We hit it off almost immediately.

My childhood is full of fun memories with this friend. We had sleepovers almost weekly. We would stay up all night painting our nails and talking about boy crushes we had. The first concert I ever attended, to see NSYNC, was with her. She was like the sister I never had.

In Highschool, our relationship was the same. The day I got my driver’s license her house was the first place I drove to. When I lost my virginity, she was the first person I called to talk to about it. She promised not to tell anyone. A promise she didn’t keep.

What I quickly learned about High School was that not all secrets stayed that way. Even when told between two friends. She broke my trust. I’ll never forget that. By the next day, most of our school knew what had happened between the guy and me. It was humiliating. Something that left a mark on my reputation throughout the rest of my time at that school.

I’m not the type to hold grudges. We continued to be great friends I just kept certain things to myself around her. It wasn’t until our early 20’s that our relationship took a turn for the worst. I met a wonderful guy that swept me off my feet. The only downside to our relationship was that he traveled quite often for work. I didn’t mind, because it gave me time with him and time with my friends.

My one friend didn’t see it that way. She wasn’t dating anyone at the time. Her jealousy was evident after many conversations about how I was “choosing him over her.” I thought it was the best of both worlds. She wanted my whole world.

This jealousy led her to give unsolicited advice about my new guy friend. She didn’t think he was “good enough” for me. She felt left out. She would make me feel bad about spending time with him. I didn’t want to hear any of it.

That’s the thing about lust. You focus on how you feel and not about the feelings of others. Were her feelings more valid than mine? It doesn’t matter if she was right or I was wrong, this was the beginning to our end.

I’m not sure the exact day, time, or place that our friendship ended. To be honest, I’m not sure WHY it ended. What I do know is that one day we stopped talking. That day became a week. That week became a month. That month became 10 years.

The friends we shared together felt torn between the two of us. If she was with them, I wasn’t. It was unfortunate. At times I felt left out and alone. We lived in a small town so finding a new friend that wasn’t really close with her was almost impossible.

Eventually, I moved on. The guy I was dating turned into my husband and, we now share two beautiful kids together. She has moved on as well, also married with a new baby boy. Even though we’ve moved on, I’m not sure that we’ve forgotten about the friendship we shared.

It’s been over 10 years since the day our friendship ended. While we aren’t the friends we once were, we are friendly to one another. We’ve made it to “Facebook friend status,” so that’s saying something. There are days that she will tag me in a meme that reminds her of our past. I do the same. We laugh and share funny stories of the crazy things we did as kids.

For a split second, it’s like we were back then.

It’s fun to talk about the good times we shared. We’ve missed several key moments in each other’s lives. I no longer live in the same city she does, so our contact remains on social media. We share likes and comments with each other.

We will never be what we were. Of that I’m sure. But, I’m glad that we can be what we are today. Many friendships like ours don’t get over it or become friendly again. The relationship we have now is a reminder that just because a friendship ends doesn’t mean it’s over forever.

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