Every day, whether you realize it or not, you are given a ballot to cast a decision. From simple things, like what you are going to wear, where you want to eat, to the heavier choices like the presidential election (no pressure to the ballot counters who had us holding our breath for days waiting for results).
If you are used to managing undesired emotions the way the average person does, you may be doing one of two things. You either try not to think about the things that make you uncomfortable (not the best practice), or maybe you are on the other side of that pendulum where the overwhelm of emotions can steal your time, or your ability to think clearly. It can even cause interference in your relationships with the people you love, ultimately stealing your joy, your peace and so much more (and that’s an absolute no-no).
Managing your emotions goes much deeper than just thinking happy thoughts. That would be like asking you to play the game of “Where is Waldo” while you’re on the Titanic, and the ship is about to sink.
That’s where emotional fluency comes in. You may not be aware of this, but balancing your emotions during uncertain times is so much easier than you may think, and if you’re wondering why it can feel so hard, you’re not alone. It’s not like we all took The Science of Emotions as an elective in high school. And even if you did, that might have been the one class you’d skip out on anyway, because after all, who wants to be in a room where they are uncomfortable?
Think about emotional fluency this way: It’s like speaking multiple languages. Maybe you speak more than one language or if you don’t, you may know someone who does. Have you ever observed the way that they ebb and flow between conversations? Wouldn’t you like to be able to do that? To be aware of these chemical changes in your body but still maintain your purpose, poise, and persuasion without your emotions running (and ruining) your life?
Here are five easy steps that when applied correctly and practiced daily will help you balance your emotions well and do anything with ease, from finding calm in a stressful environment to processing information rationally and with a sophisticated connection to what matters most. It is part of my Bold Power™ Framework for building Emotional Fluency. You can learn more about the Bold Power™ Framework here.
Posture your heart for the outcomes you desire
How do you posture your heart so that your emotions aren’t getting the best of you? With awareness. Awareness gives you the ability to see things as you want them to be, not only as they are. It’s easy to become fixated on problems, challenges, and limitations but when you have the awareness of these emotions, you can manage your feelings in a productive way. Allow your heart to interpret that emotion in a way that will produce a positive outcome, no matter what.
Own up to your blind spots
How many times have you had a conversation with someone you know you can count on to give you a perspective that you didn’t have before? That insight from them can be so eye-opening, that it can help you achieve something great that otherwise wouldn’t be likely. Consider this: Emotions can (among other things) become a blindspot. The emotion itself is not necessarily the problem. Not knowing what to do with it is where issues can arise. However you arrive at owning the blind spot, know this: when you own it, you will overcome it.
Assess the worth wisely
While feelings are valid, what will give you, even more, validation and direction is a clear “worth assessment” of your emotions. What it will cost you to be controlled by your emotions? Are you willing to risk the opportunities that would be yours if your emotions didn’t stand in the way?
Practice more empathy and self-compassion towards yourself
Emotions have a way of creating a cycle that acts as a fountain. One negative emotion left unchecked can cause an outpouring of other unwanted emotions. But hey, it works both ways. One positive emotion can become the runway for so many other uplifting emotions that will serve you well.
When you are feeling a negative emotion that you know is not serving you, don’t allow yourself to get caught up in guilt, shame, and condemnation. Understand that emotions are normal. You will always experience unwanted emotions, but your interpretation of that emotion and the meaning you give to it becomes the deciding factor for what will follow.
Empathy and self-compassion act like fluency probes to build your perception speed and reaction. This way you stand a better chance of turning tension to intensional action so you can be experiencing miracle-style results in your life.
Reverence for yourself and for the authority within you
If something you created, believed in or hoped for fails, it doesn’t mean YOU are a failure. So now is not the time to let your emotions talk you out of doing, making an effort, going the extra mile, and putting your best foot forward even in the face of uncertainty. You are strong, capable of finding solutions, and your emotions are simply symbols like letters of the alphabet. When you know who you are and what your purpose is, you can decide how you are going to translate these emotions and what significance you will give to it in every area of your life because you have reverence for yourself, reverence for life, your Creator and your purpose.
No matter what your emotions are telling you, here’s what you need to know: You have within you the ability to turn any crisis into a celebration for good. So give yourself permission to turn that tension, that negative emotion around, and translate it into intention, and take bold action with the confidence and a deep heart connection to what will bring the best out of you. Your emotions do not determine how you show up. That one’s all on you, boo.