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Find Your Why (Not)

Everyone's an unsolicited coach these days. Why do so many of them question the way you do business? And why can't some of them understand for one second why you choose to settle for pure contentment over the spoils of fame and fortune? Oh the horror of simply being happy...

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find your why, start with why, why not

Earning 5k months?

Why not 10???

Living the six-figure lifestyle?

Why not 7???

Got a lovely little passive income stream going on in the background of your business?

Why not several???

It seems that although coaches (real and otherwise) are always banging on about ‘finding your why’, all too many of them are then highly keen to overlook any sense of happiness, contentment or success you might have created for yourself in your business, and instead seek you out to quiz you around why you’re not doing something else instead/ as well/ on top of it all.

I’m a big believer that these questions of ‘why’ and ‘why not’ should only ever take up the part of your brain that loves a good puzzle if you’re posing them to yourself. So, if as in the examples given at the start of this article, you want more or you need more (money, fame, souls, etc), focus on it, figure it out, and go for it. But if not, you don’t have to justify why not – to anyone.

Your business is your own business. The clue’s in the name.

However, it possibly doesn’t escape many people’s attention that the contents of our timelines, newsfeeds and inboxes are increasingly informing us that, for many people, business will always (and should always) be about the ‘more’. Those who shout the loudest (funnily enough) are those who want to earn higher, hit harder, play bigger. Christ on a bike, I hate that phrase.

Now, this is all brilliant if ‘more more more’ is what those people really want and what they get as a result. I mean, it sounds bloody exhausting just hearing them jabbering on about it all the live long day, but fair play if getting ‘more’ is going to make them happy. I’d argue that those who are truly happy and successful probably don’t need validation every twenty minutes on social media, but it’s at least fair to say that our newsfeeds would be a lot more dull without those people.

I hate to say it, but I got a bit bored of ‘find your why’ a good while ago, because I felt that the phrase was massively overused and nothing more than a big old platitude, really. (Sorry, Simon Sinek, the Good Lord Founder of ‘Why’). The boredom has now spread to my attitude towards the ‘why not’ brigade, though. Those who, as I’ve mentioned, question why you do business the way you do, and why you choose to settle for pure contentment over the spoils of fame and fortune. Oh the horror of simply being happy.

“Why are you not doing this thing that I proclaimed you should do be doing because it worked for me?”

Which, by the way, smoothly translates as, “Why don’t you feel bad enough about yourself to pay me lots of money to show you how I can solve a problem you don’t actually have?” 

Please, give it a rest.

I know, I know, I’m being just as judgmental in tone as those people are, but the difference in our dismissal of each other, however, is that I’m not posting incessantly about it every second of every day, hijacking comments on threads in other people’s posts, or jumping uninvited into DMs to have a go at people for their business decisions. Yes, I guess what I’m saying is that I’m a bit sick of the judgement that’s leveled at people purely for being happy in their own business, contented with what they’ve got, and living up to their own definition of success.

Here’s a question in response…

Why not mind your own f***ing business?

I think if we’re going to start throwing accusatory questions about, we have to at least question why those people who always want/need more for themselves should really be so concerned about whether someone else has it or not. I don’t care how easily some people claim they amass their riches, because if, in turn, they’re spending a disproportionate amount of time preaching to complete strangers about how we should all absolutely covet their rich abundant lifestyle, it’s all coming at a cost; credibility and respect, if not time and energy. Now, I love money, I’m never going to do anything for free, and I’m never going to leave money on the table in a business transaction, but similarly, I’m never going swap happiness for hustle, because that’s all this is, to my mind – hustle.

I don’t believe that unless you’ve invested in the services of a coach (a real one), anyone who’s not a key stakeholder or beneficiary of your business should stick their nose into what you do. They have no right to question you to the point of making you feel like you’re failing because (oh how dare you) you’re choosing your own definition of success over theirs. I’m not even talking about family inquisition levels of “Well when exactly are you going to take your career seriously, then?” or whatever way your mum chooses to phrase it. Just mine? Okay then…

I’m talking about people you don’t even know aside from the fact they make up 80% of your social media timeline, and whilst they’ll try to convince you that they’ve ‘been there’ or that they ‘get it’ (bullsh*t bingo), they’re only ever sharing the story of themselves on social media that they want you to see and (literally) buy into. I think we sometimes forget that.

“I can’t see a high ticket item on your website“. yelled the ‘coach’ I faced off with recently, before she’d even offered so much as a ‘hello’.

“Erm, I just charge people a price based on whatever it is that they specifically need and want to gain at that given time, really…”

“But you HAVE to have a high ticket signature item.Why don’t you have one?”

“Sorry… erm… actually I’m not sorry… why is that any of your business?”

My uninvited inquisitor quite understandably picked up on the push-back in my tone and responded with a childish, “Fine, play small” before disappearing into the night*, so I never did get to the bottom of why despite being really happy in what I do and how I do it, I seemingly have to undergo a complete restructure of my offering.

What are the bets that if I had indeed revealed the presence of a ‘high ticket’ offer, my unsolicited mentor would then be telling me it wasn’t priced highly enough? Probably without me telling her what it costs in the first place. She, like many others in their posts and pitches, wasn’t looking to solve a problem for me. She was looking to create one, then charge a hefty fee to fix it for me. Classic; make you feel like you’re not good enough or doing well enough, then charge you through the roof to fire a signature range of stock phrases at you until you believe you can live their life through osmosis, even though you’ll have to sell your car, your granny, and your soul to buy it from them. It’s actually quite a brilliant business model, to be fair… Bravo, if your ideal client is one who’s immensely low on confidence and incredibly high on susceptibility.

I think what I’m trying to say is that if people are going to harp on endlessly about finding your ‘why’, then they’re going to have to accept all of your ‘why nots’ along the way, too. A good coach will do that, and they are definitely out there. They’re usually the ones who help you get the best out of your life – not the ones who try to make you covet and live theirs.

I’m certainly no coach, but I do have this advice, for what it’s worth (and it’s free)…

Your business, is exactly that:

Yours.

Nobody else’s.

Why?

Why not.

*It was actually at 11am, in truth, but that didn’t sound as dramatic.

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