I am fighting a losing battle
with me and my beliefs,
I no longer wish to be addled
I just want to breathe!
I am fighting a losing battle
with my heart and my mind,
I don’t want to question anymore,
Don’t even want to rhyme!
I am fighting a losing battle
with what I know and what I wish
I can’t be confused more
I just want to live!
I am fighting a losing battle
resisting this wall being built,
It’s going to happen anyway
might as well get rid of the guilt.
I am fighting a losing battle
with their ideals and mine.
Who the hell made these rules,
as dark as a glass of wine?
I am fighting a losing battle
with what I can be and what I am.
Why can’t people accept it?
I no longer wish to be a sham.
I am fighting a losing battle
with my world inside,
afraid of my relentless thoughts,
leaving me tired and hopeless, besides.
I am fighting a losing battle
with the thought of rejection,
I say I live vicariously
but that’s my way of self preservation.
I am fighting a losing battle
with disappointment that follows me relentlessly,
failure haunting me like a ghost,
and the possessed hosts of my sub-conscience crying out helplessly.
I am fighting a losing battle
pretending to be normal with a fake smile
but wounded and bleeding within,
struggling to cross a mile.
I pray that one day
all of this won’t scare me,
that I will have the strength to say…
“hey! life come and get me!
though you are tough and unforgiving,
I will weather all the storms.
I will stand fearlessly like the scarecrow
and refuse to break down and mourn.”
Until then though
I will tough it out,
I will hand on the lower boughs
till I know I can survive the bout.
Originally published at medium.com