After a divorce or breakup, there is a natural period of grief and mourning that I believe everyone must go through in some shape or form. It is a time when you feel stuck, when it seem impossible to live life, and doing even the simplest of things can feel like climbing Mt. Everest. The process looks different for everyone, but in my opinion, this period of mourning is fair game and well, you do what you need to do in order to get through the pain.
There comes a point though when you begin to see slivers of normalcy returning to your life and you start to realize that it’s time to pick yourself back up and move forward. Except, you have no idea how. You can feel this pull within you, this subtle knowing that there’s so much more for you up ahead, but you simply have no idea what that is or how you’re supposed to get there. You find yourself caught between the grief of the past and the uncertainty of the future. You find yourself stuck.
For anyone who has felt stuck before, you know exactly the feeling I’m talking about. It’s like you’re trapped under this huge weight and every step you take, that weight becomes heavier and heavier. Your mind gets clouded, your heart grows confused, and finding your way seems close to impossible. Time ticks away and nothing seems to change. If you are being honest, the more time goes by the more stuck you seem to become. You wonder why you feel this way and can’t seem to move forward and leave the past behind.5 main reasons you are feeling stuck and can’t find your way to breaking free.
- You are waiting for time to heal you – How many times have you heard people tell you it just takes time? Like time is some magical solvent that is going to make it all okay. If you are waiting for this, you will be waiting forever.
- Being in mourning has become your new normal – We as humans adapt very quickly, even to things that might be painful or uncomfortable. After a period of time, feeling this way feels comfortable and familiar, while the thought of moving forward becomes unsettling and scary. You begin to choose the comfort of the pain over the uncertainty of moving on.
- You are wasting your energy on what was – Healing and moving forward takes energy. Lots and lots of energy. When you are using all of that energy to focus on the past and your pain, there’s nothing left over for you to fuel your journey into the future. You are quite simply to exhausted and only have enough in you to stay right where you are.
- You are attempting to rewrite history – Did you ever notice the way the facts change once something is gone? Suddenly, you can only remember the good times and any bad memory that makes its way to your brain no longer seems like it was that bad. Next thing you know, you are questioning yourself and your decisions, making it impossible to move forward.
- You are scared – You have never been where you are going and you have no idea how to get there. It is natural that you would feel afraid and unsure. This actually means you’re moving in the right direction. Instead though, you use this fear as evidence that you must be making a mistake, then you hold yourself back from taking that single step forward.
I heard a quote recently by Bob Proctor, “You are the only problem you will ever have, and you are the solution.” You have the power within you to create these reasons for staying stuck AND you have the power to dismantle them and move forward.
The choice, to be stuck or not, as always, is yours to make.
With love and joy,
Originally published at jennjoycoaching.com