How to be inspired for change
Ten-years of being told I was stupid, ugly, worthless and useless, starting at the age of two, set me up for some serious challenges in life.
By the time I found safety from my abuser, at the age of twelve, his words had become my truth. They played in my head, a negative mantra that somehow was comforting. This was safe. It was all I knew.
I would dream of being able to be like “normal” people. They all walked around with a beautiful confidence and inner knowing that was unshakeable. Or at least that’s the assumption I made.
They were all better than me. I was just a stupid, ugly failure.
No Inspiration, Just Failure
In those years, when I would hear stories of others triumphing over their demons, whether from abuse, trauma, or any difficult circumstance, I didn’t get inspired. They changed the course of their lives, found a way to find opportunities during despair, and to be grateful for their experiences.
The last thing that went through my head was that if they could do it, so could I. Instead, their success was more evidence to me that I was simply a failure at life. I would never be anything more than stupid, ugly, worthless and useless. How in the world was I supposed to be grateful for the events in my childhood?
They Were Special, Not Me
The fact that they could do something promising with their lives and find happiness was something only they could do. I would catch myself saying, “Easy for you to say”, like the fact that they had gone through horrible acts of violence, betrayal and loss was somehow different for them than it was for me.
Obviously they had something special that I just didn’t have. And I wasn’t at all inspired to investigate if I had it too. After all, I knew I didn’t, so all I was going to find was more failure.
The Books That Changed My Life
Here’s where things began to change for me. I picked up some self-help and personal growth books along the way. Books like, The Celestine Prophecy, The Seat of the Soul, One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, The Four Agreements, You Can Heal Your Life, The Secret, A Course in Miracles, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, In The Meantime, Going Within, and The Power of Now.
None of these books are about surviving abuse. In fact, none of them even deal with trauma.
Instead, each book taught me lessons in spirituality, the soul’s journey, life lessons, and awareness. These books helped to guide me away from my self-loathing mentality, into the deep love and acceptance for myself that I have today.
It Takes Work
Now don’t get me wrong. I didn’t read each book and presto, my life changed. Rather, reading the books and having the revelations inspired me to start implementing some of what I was learning. I learned how to move away from the concept of failure, to honour my strengths, and see the opportunities that were all around me. I shifted my perspective to see my experiences from a different angle.
Over the course of time, with dedication and hard work to implement these teachings daily, I became a person who is deeply grateful for my past, for now I understand that I am the person that stands before you today because of it, not despite it.
Are You Inspired?
I know there will be many who will hear my story and feel like a failure themselves, just as I once did. And hopefully some of them will be drawn to these books, or others, that will ignite something in them too. I also know there will many more who will be in a place where they’re ready for guidance.
These are the people who want to turn failure into opportunity; darkness into light.
Lisa Cybaniak is an NLP Practitioner (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), Author of Survivor to Warrior, Reiki Master, Speaker and Host of the Life, like you mean it! Podcast. Empowering others to make the most of their lives by understanding themselves and getting out of their own way to success, is in her DNA!
Lisa’s story of survival from 10-years of child abuse, and the work she does to shed the stigma while empowering others to heal, grow, learn and transcend, is life-changing. A finalist for the NLP Practitioner of the Year Award in 2019, Lisa works with people suffering from negative, self-defeating mantras and belief systems standing in their way of building the life they truly deserve.