“Everything works out in the end, so if it hasn’t worked out yet, then it isn’t the end”. With Beau Henderson & Maureen Barillaro

I recently heard the saying, “Everything works out in the end, so if it hasn’t worked out yet, then it isn’t the end”. Telling yourself this helps redirect your thoughts to the present moment and remind you that everything happens for a reason. It can help ease your fears and focus your attention on the […]

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I recently heard the saying, “Everything works out in the end, so if it hasn’t worked out yet, then it isn’t the end”. Telling yourself this helps redirect your thoughts to the present moment and remind you that everything happens for a reason. It can help ease your fears and focus your attention on the positive outcome you’re striving for.

As a part of my series about “How To Develop Mindfulness And Serenity During Stressful Or Uncertain Times”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Maureen Barillaro.

Maureen is the founder of I Love My Nighty, a line of women’s loungewear and Lighten Up, an energy healing practice in Boston, MA. A certified Reiki Master and entrepreneur, Maureen has used the power of energy healing, positive vibes and spiritual development to train her mind for success and build her thriving businesses.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?

Mypath to entrepreneurship slowly developed over a few years. There were two catalysts that got me to take action. The first was the sheer strength of my idea to design glamorous and eco-friendly loungewear. I couldn’t find anything that met my needs and so I started to create what I wanted for myself, even though I had no experience in clothing design. Then, a series of deaths of people who were close to me occurred over a seven month period. A month after the fifth person passed, a dear friend encouraged me to attend an intuitive card reading. At that reading I received messages that were undeniably meant for me. The essence of the messaging was 1) I needed to stop worrying and 2) There is a vast spiritual world that is there to help guide and support me.

I decided to apply this “no worrying” technique and immediately saw the difference in my life. I then began learning about the law of attraction and manifestation and how to focus on what I do want, and not what I don’t want. I was also more curious than ever about energy healing and started training in intuitive dowsing, and loved that I could use these powerful little pendulums to assist people in clearing non-beneficial energy and self-healing. After six months of this new mindset and skills, I was ready to take the leap into entrepreneurship.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

I have always been interested in healing arts and modalities but never considered it as something I would pursue myself. I have been amazed at how far my interest in these subjects have taken me, despite my main focus being on I Love My Nighty. I was learning about Dowsing and Reiki to satisfy my curiosity and to treat myself and my loved ones, but I was always amazed at the immediate results I witnessed through my practice, no matter how many times it happened. It started to become clear that there was a way for me to do both of these professions because they are so closely intertwined in my life. I have a platform through I Love My Nighty to inspire my customers to learn about health, wellbeing, self-care and how to dream lovelier!

What advice would you give to other leaders about how to create a fantastic work culture? Work culture has to do with cultivating your employees and giving them the space to work in the way that provides them with optimal opportunities to work at the highest potential.

Work culture is something that develops and not something a leader can necessarily create. Leaders foster work culture by first creating a clear vision for the success of the business and then hiring a diverse group of people who are motivated and commit to giving their best effort on behalf of this vision. You then need to provide an environment that supports employees with what they need to achieve their own personal success that also benefits the company.

One of the most important offerings leaders can provide is prioritizing work/life balance. This means people can take time off when they’re sick or when personal needs come up. They can leave work behind when the workday ends. Employees also need to feel included and valued, and be given opportunities to offer their opinions, observations and concerns and feel safe, listened to and supported. Finally, leaders need to offer benefits and incentives that prioritize health and wellbeing and growth in everyone’s professional and personal lives.

Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

Mirror Work by Louise Hay is a book I feel everyone should read. Her insight and gentle guided coaching in this 21 day experience can single handedly change your mindset and the negative self-talk we all seem to suffer from. The critical tools it teaches are forgiveness and loving and respecting yourself. Reading this book and going through the exercises gave me the courage I needed to take the leap of faith to start my own business.

Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. From your experience or research, how would you define and describe the state of being mindful?

The goal of being mindful is to focus your attention on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting your thoughts and feelings to achieve a more relaxed mind and body. Mindfulness to me is practicing and perfecting the art of observation. Observing the world around you, the world within you and the world beyond your five senses is how you become more aware of yourself, your emotions and your surroundings.

This can be as simple as noticing where you put your keys and mindfully putting them in the same place every time you put them down, so you never need to waste time in your day searching in a panic for them. Another example would be to not let your thoughts go into a spiral when you get some unexpected news that feels bad. Maybe a client calls and cancels, or a project you were hired for gets delayed and you instantly feel panic about paying the bills. But then the next day you get a call from a client who pays more and is looking for your help immediately. Observing unexpected or uncomfortable situations through mindfulness means not letting the worst-case scenario thoughts take over. Receive the news and find a way to continue doing whatever it was before you heard the news, knowing that this has happened before and you’ve gotten through it.

I recently heard the saying, “Everything works out in the end, so if it hasn’t worked out yet, then it isn’t the end”. Telling yourself this helps redirect your thoughts to the present moment and remind you that everything happens for a reason. It can help ease your fears and focus your attention on the positive outcome you’re striving for.

This might be intuitive to you, but it will be instructive to spell this out. Can you share with our readers a few of the physical, mental, and emotional benefits of becoming mindful?

When we become mindful we are greatly reducing stress and anxiety. We start to have faith that everything is ok and that worrying is the root of all of that stress. My friend told me she has a magnet on her refrigerator that says, “Worrying really works. I did all that worrying and nothing happened!” That sums it up perfectly! For all the worrying that we spend our time and thoughts on, the things we worry about rarely ever come to be. In the book,The End of Stress, author Don Joseph Goewey cites a study where participants were asked to write down all of their worries over a period of time and keep track of what actually happened. The results were that 85 percent of what subjects worried about NEVER happened, and the 15 percent that did happen, 79 percent of subjects discovered they could handle the difficulty better than expected, or the difficulty taught them a lesson worth learning.

This makes it clear that we need to shift our thoughts from worrying to trusting. You can do this through mindfulness. Live in the present moment and experience life as it happens rather than living in the past and future.

I also find this advice helpful. The American philosopher, Ralph Waldo Emerson, wrote this message to his daughter who was worried over a mistake she’d made:

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders, losses, and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; let today go so you can begin tomorrow well and serenely, with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. Each new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays.

Ok. Here is the main question of our discussion. The past 5 years have been filled with upheaval and political uncertainty. Many people have become anxious from the dramatic jolts of the news cycle. The fears related to the coronavirus pandemic have only heightened a sense of uncertainty, anxiety, fear, and loneliness. From your experience or research what are five steps that each of us can take to develop mindfulness and serenity during such uncertain times? Can you please share a story or example for each.

My advice is to think like a virus! Viruses look for every opportunity to grow, thrive and prosper. If we all started focusing on our personal growth, under any condition, we would be a much happier, healthier society.

I don’t like to list specific methods or steps because there is so much out there and you really have to find what’s right for you.

We’ve all heard how great meditation is, but many people just don’t relate or feel like it works for them.

I say to start by being open minded and seek resources that speak to you to assist you in whatever it is that you personally need to help you feel more at peace–and if you don’t find what you’re looking for, then create it yourself!

We are seeing an endless amount of videos, memes, posts, articles, songs, illustrations, captions, jokes–all created in a short period of time from people’s IMAGINATION. As soon as you imagine something, it exists. It may take time, but it IS possible to make it happen. Feel the excitement in your potential to create what comes into your mind. If it came to YOUR mind, then YOU are the person meant to do it. Turn obstacles into opportunities and watch your ideas, hopes and dreams come true and your anxiety melt away.

From your experience or research what are five steps that each of us can take to effectively offer support to those around us who are feeling anxious? Can you explain?

I will answer this a little differently and say to help others effectively means you first have to be in a good place yourself, so it starts with making sure your needs are met and you’re in a frame of mind to help others. It’s ok to say, I’m not in the best position to help you right now because I’m focusing on myself. You don’t have to be the hero to everyone else. Go through these steps first and then share them with others when you’re ready to help.

  1. Take care of yourself first. Make sure you have everything you need to be safe and taken care of.
  2. Observe or be “mindful” about how you are feeling from moment to moment and do exactly you what you need to do to make yourself feel better. If you’d rather eat snacks and watch TV than make medical masks or attend a streaming fitness class, then do that. It’s about trusting your “gut”. What you “feel like doing” is your own inner voice telling you where to focus your attention right now. If you don’t feel like doing anything, that’s your intuition saying you need rest or a break from responsibility. Focus on what you do want, not what you don’t want and your emotions will feel at ease when you accept that it’s ok if you don’t want to do something. Be kind and gentle to yourself and say goodbye to guilt. Really, give it a bon voyage party and just let that emotion go. It’s not helping you get through this.
  3. Create routines to help remove some of the uncertainty you may be feeling anxious about. Routines, schedules and appointments all create moments where you can feel control over your life. Set your alarm to wake up the same time every day. Keep comfort food well stocked so you can reach for it when a craving hits. Plan out meals for the week. Do laundry on Mondays. Call Mom at noon everyday. Whatever it is that works for you!
  4. Stay in touch. Reach out to people and ask for help, to take your mind off of something, for reassurance, to laugh, to be distracted–whatever you need.
  5. Find a way to help. Feeling helpless doesn’t help with our ability to cope with anxiety. There are so many ways you can assist others, so research opportunities that fit your abilities and take it from there.

What are the best resources you would suggest for someone to learn how to be more mindful and serene in their everyday life?

I love Hay House Publishing. Their website is loaded with resources from books, to courses, to videos, podcasts and more. Not every resource works the same for everyone, so I suggest going to their site and seeing what resonates with you. Be open to trying different experts for a more diverse set of tools to get you on your path to self discovery, self healing and self love!

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life?

“The World is Your Oyster”. I’ve been using that quote in every situation since I was a teenager. I love the nuance of ideas here: One being the pearl, symbolizing the beauty and riches the world has to offer and your ability to access your heart’s desires. But there’s also the symbol of the oyster itself. You have to have patience and trust that your desires will come to you in due time. Not every oyster has a pearl and it takes the right tool, a bit of strength and ingenuity to actually open an oyster. It’s a reminder to keep your focus on your desires and not give up.

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

Great question! I’ve already started something with Lighten Up vibe. This movement is about re-discovering our true selves through self healing and self love. Teaching people that anxiety, pain and illness come from our thoughts and emotions. I want to help people understand our connection to universal energy and how it’s there to help us be who we are meant to be: Loving Creators.

Going back to Mirror Work by Louise Hay, I think going through this 21 day experience could single handedly change the most people in the most beneficial way. Learning how to love and forgive yourself and everyone around you would solve so many problems. Abuse and violence and addiction all start with fear and a lack of self confidence, most likely passed down from someone else. This book helps you to see it’s not your fault and you don’t have to suffer because of what someone else did–or didn’t do. When we allow negative thoughts and actions to control our emotions we block ourselves from connecting to the abundance that life has to offer.

What is the best way our readers can follow you online?

Add your email address to our mailing list at ilovemynighty.com and follow both @ilovemynighty and @lightenupvibe on social media.

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!

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