Equipped

"I got really good at hiding, but I had enough I wanted that to change. Desperately."

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I remember sitting in a room with these INCREDIBLE people, who were being highlighted for their successes…. they were being called out one by one for all kinds of achievements. As I sat there clapping for them, I couldn’t help but question my own ability to create and achieve. 

I literally remember where I was sitting, and vividly remember my doubtful thoughts. I lacked so much belief in myself, but that was never what I allowed others to see. I got really good at hiding, but I had enough I wanted that to change. Desperately. 

So my journey began. 

 I found that what I needed was faith and expectations of greatness. I had to stop looking for myself in others and learn to honor and accept my footprint in this world. 

These past few years I’ve made it a point to be present in my thoughts, and I worked really hard to hold them captive. I have learned to speak more to myself then I listen to myself.

I believe, that my under-deserved favor and openness to it, is the exact thing that has allowed me to help equip others in areas where they never saw themselves excel. 

Sometimes favor shows up as an open door and sometimes a closed one. There’s no algorithm to crack, or magic password. Just faith. 

I identified how performance-driven I really was and how I yearned for providing value, but never felt equipped enough to deliver to the capacity of my imagination. 

Then I realized this came from a place of selfishness. I depended too much on my OWN ability.

 I am not the magic. 

The true performance wasn’t from me, but from the tools, God had already put in front of me, and what he allowed to come through me. 

I’m not here to get spiritual on you, but I found if you give the glory to something higher then yourself you will be trusted to lead more then just yourself. 

Trust me, I’m not perfect. I still battle with doubt often, even as I type this to share I question if it will even have an impact, but my response to that uninviting thought is… I don’t care. 

If one person makes a decision today to breakthrough their self imposed barriers, then that’s good enough for me. 

I’ve been trusted with a stage where I can let it all out there for the world to hear and see. 

What I pray for is no matter what my topic is on that platform, that you see a broken woman who has chosen to let the light shine through her brokenness. That the strength you see on stage comes from the one thing people look to hide and pretend is not there. I don’t know who this may be for, but I want you to know…your imperfection is perfection, your brokenness is your strength, and your life is your best asset. 

We are all equipped, but the choice to use it is all yours. 

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