These frustrations are too numerous to name them all. A few common ones include a child not completing his homework; a spouse not listening when you’re talking; a friend that does not reply right away; or an employee that lacks initiative.
I want to share three insights that with practice, can help to minimize your frustrations and lead to more success and fulfillment!
The first thing we must remember is we tend to judge others by results and ourselves by intent. If an employee doesn’t close the deal, it’s common to focus on the outcome and blame the employee’s presentation or closing technique. However, if you are in a similar situation, the response is more likely to be “you gave it your best shot.” We have good intentions, while others have poor results.
Take some time to think about how you judge others’ results and your own intentions. When you can focus on the intentions of others, you can provide more encouragement; constructive criticism will be better received; and in the long-term, you’ll get better results.
The second thing we must remember is individuals will do what you do long before they will do what you say. If you don’t believe me, ask a parent. If you find your expectations are not being met, instead of becoming frustrated, start by evaluating the example you are setting.
If you want your customer service representatives to be kind, friendly and smiling, think about the environment you have established for them. Is it conducive for a friendly, upbeat demeanor? It’s hard for someone to be jovial if the surroundings are dark and gloomy. If an employee is timed by how many calls can be handled in an hour, you cannot expect more than quick and to the point responses.
Take some time to think about the role you play in the environment for those you have expectations. Can others see you demonstrating what is expected? Are you being kind, friendly and smiling to those around you? Are you giving adequate time to others? Are you being clear and precise in your expectations? Does everyone have the necessary tools to provide the results you are seeking? Are you providing a comfortable setting? If everyone is working remotely, have you ensured everyone has what they need to function efficiently and professionally?
Finally, the third thing, and this one is key, for you to find more success, more fulfillment, and much less frustration. You must demand more from yourself than you do from others. You cannot change anyone but yourself. You can complain, complain, and complain some more. You may get some temporary results. These results are temporary because they will only last while you are complaining. When the complaining stops, the behavior will return.
The only way others will change is if they want to change. Yes, you can threaten to terminate them. Some you may have to terminate. Some may quit. Others will comply as long as you are threatening or until they can find another job.
By demanding more of yourself, by doing and becoming what you want from others, you begin to set the example. This gives others the opportunity to see what you are doing, the results you are getting, your happiness and fulfillment. Yes, when you demand more of yourself, you will get better results, more fulfillment and happiness.
As you demand more of yourself, you’ll blame less and accept more responsibility for your outcomes. You’ll feel more empowered.
Take some time to think about your expectations, your demands of others, and see how you compare. If you expect your children to complete all their homework assignments on time, are you completing all your work assignments accordingly? If you want your spouse to give you undivided attention, are you giving your child undivided attention at her game? If you want employees to be on time, are you arriving home on time for dinner?
Keep in mind, if you’re working late (at home or at the office) because a proposal is due in the morning, your family and co-workers are seeing you doing things at the last minute. People will do what you do, long before they will do what you say!
For more success, fulfillment, and happiness, with less frustration, it’s important to be congruent in all areas of life. That’s where integrity comes in. Integrity comes from the word “integer.” Integer is a whole number. Integrity means to be whole. To act the same, in good times and in tough times, at work and at home. Be as kind to those you love as you are to strangers. Give what you expect. Be more demanding of yourself than others.
Too often, we think we are better than others. We only have to think about drivers on freeways to make my point. Everyone I talk to agrees there are inconsiderate, bad drivers on the highways. Yet, I’ve never met anyone that thinks they are an inconsiderate, bad driver.
Before we can demand or expect others to be kinder, more thoughtful, and compassionate, we must look within and work on improving ourselves.
Remember, there is greatness within you. You must choose greatness. It won’t develop on its own. I believe in you!
“The danger isn’t that our aim is too high, and we miss it, rather it is too low, and we reach it.” – Michelangelo
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If you would like assistance with lowering your frustrations and becoming a better example for others, I can help you. We can meet by phone, on Zoom, or in a place you deem safe with social distancing. Whether you choose me or someone else, a coach will expedite your results.
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Published by Bryan M. Balch, Results Coach
Helping Individuals and Businesses Achieve Desired Results