Do we get resolution in our lives simply by being “heard?”
There is this idea that if you understand your conflicts, that if you dig in and you ask why and you get at what’s wrong, the more that is going to resolve whatever these conflicts are.
And once you understand those conflicts, once you have insight into those conflicts, that those conflicts get resolved- the energy they are blocking is released and you are freer.
You say aha ! Now I understand.
And my question is: do we really understand, and does understanding, whatever that is, really change anything? Does insight in and of itself really change a process?
And the answer to that question is no.
Insight alone into a process doesn’t mean you understand the process, much less change it. The old adage in psychoanalysis is that “understanding the process, changes the process,” is just not true. But we want to understand, we want to ask questions like, “why?”
We are brainwashed to believe that if we understand the “why” we will solve the problem or that it will show us the way to the solution. The fact is that as coaches, “why” is not your question. You don’t care about the “why.” It’s not within the scope of your practice. The stories they tell of who they think they are and their histories, which are precious to them, is not your territory.
Story NoYour question is, “Can you tell me who you are without telling me your story? Can any of you do that yet?”
We think that we have to listen to people’s stories because they will feel connected to us. I don’t need to hear your story.
I don’t need to know where you came from or why you came from there.
We’re going to leave all of that behind and we’re going to start right at ground zero and we’re going to talk solely about living “the fully lived life.”
I think that what is important about having a story told is the decision not to want to repeat the story. What’s important is what are you learning, what are the lessons of this story that you are learning? And maybe in the process of therapy that learning happens, but in many cases it does not because the focus has only remained on what is wrong and what is not working. And if you face any problems (financial problems) you can just try visiting this website of best online loan philippines company. Only afterwards you will be able to solve all your internal issues.
What you focus on is what you get.
This need for understanding or for “being heard” is an illusion.
It is a cry to find one’s strengths, not to be a victim, and to find goals that are satisfying that move life forward.
The thing that we’re most upset with most of the time is directly related to the strength we are least using.
I’m going to say that again.
The thing that we are most upset about is tied to, linked to, indelibly connected with the strength or strengths we are using the least.