I read a quote the other day from Madonna:
“A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That’s why they don’t get what they want.”
My 2 year old, Stella, doesn’t have that problem.
Madonna’s quote really hit home for me though, because I see it all the time in the clients I work with as a life coach. Women routinely tell me what they don’t want in their lives anymore. They are very clear on that! But when I ask them “what DO you want,” they often look at me like a deer in the headlights, stunned uncomfortable with the question.
Most of the time they say, “I don’t know,” and that’s when I know there’s some huge dream of theirs under the surface, just begging to be blurted out.
We are afraid to ask for what we want, because we fear we may not get it – and then that would make us have to live out a variety of emotions ranging from disappointment to shame to unworthiness. So it’s better to just NOT ask, right? Then you can’t be hurt, right?
Girlfriend, ya got it backwards, boo.
I know you may be thinking it’s just not that simple. You may be thinking that life is harder than just simply asking for what you want.
The truth is: it CAN be this easy.
When was the time you really allowed yourself to dream, without following your declaration up with something along the lines of, “But that would never happen for someone like ME!”
Why not? Why couldn’t it happen for you?
Well, it’s a little bit science, and a little bit of fear-based thinking that’s pretty much ingrained in us from birth.
Every desire that you have is based in the hope that it will make you feel good, feel happy, feel loved.
We are emotionally-driven beings, who started our fearing the saber-toothed tigers back in caveman days. There’s a little part of our brain called the reptilian brain that is programmed to keep us safe in “fight or flight” situations.
The problem is that now we are living in the 21st century, and the last time I saw a saber-toothed tiger was on an episode of the Flintstones. However, the flight-or-flight comes up when we start asking for more out of life!
Madonna’s quote is really inspiring to me, because it opens up the possibility and shows you the rewards that wait on the opposite side of having the courage to ask for what you want.
This isn’t just in creating a music career, or dancing around in a sequined leotard in your 50’s (although you can bet your sweet peach that’s most definitely going to be on my vision board when I reach that age).
Asking for what you truly want can be applied to the food you eat, the type of date you accept, your married life, the way you earn money and get promoted at work, whether you fly coach or first class, and endless more possibilities.
However, we are so used to just settling for what’s in our faces, out of fear that there isn’t something greater on the way. We take ourselves out of the game, because we are scared to get hurt.
If most people don’t get what they want, because they’re too afraid to ask for it, then how do we fix it and move on?
You can start by sitting down with a pen and asking yourself this question:
“If I could have anything I wanted, and fear is not even an issue, what am I now allowing myself to have?”
Follow that up with this:
“How easily am I deciding it gets to come for me?”
These two simple questions have moved mountains for my clients. Opening up your mind to the possibilities and potentialities in this world is the name of the game.
The secret is that it really does get to be easy.
Asking for what you really truly want and deciding you are worthy of having it, is the key to creating the life of your dreams.
So how are you deciding today that life gets to work for you from now on? Go ahead: Be Like Stella.