Loving yourself can be really hard…but it’s possible & you’re worth it.
There’s a tension between living in the moment AND looking after your future self.
I was the Queen of using “living in the moment” as an excuse for bad behaviour. The worst offender being heavy drinking. I mean, why worry about how I feel tomorrow? Let’s just enjoy today.
Life is short and all that.
Here’s my excuse.
Nine years ago, I went through breast cancer (the full monte kind).
After starring into the face of my mortality, I decided what the heck. I mean – who know’s what the future will bring – so I’m gonna have a good time.
Check out my social media and you will see just how awesome I made my life.
At least on the outside.
Extensive travel. Glamorous parties. New York City sky lines.
To any body looking in, I’ve lived the dream.
But in many ways, it was a curated bunch of BS. Hiding a lot of pain, because many of my adventures came with penalties. Tired and hungover mornings were a big part of my every day. Feeling ill from over eating. Broke. My inner critic was living on the stuff of “shouldn’t have!”
Over the years, it caught up with me. Especially as I stepped further and further into my purpose. A purpose that is all about helping people thrive, founded on wellbeing principles.
Out of alignment much?
I sat in a park with a close friend last year and it all came tumbling out. Tears, self disgust and fear. I just couldn’t keep living this way. I had to stop, take a long hard look at myself and make some massive changes.
It was time to figure out how to have an awesome life, while showing my future self some love.
Does any of this sound familiar? There are so many little behaviours and actions we take each day, without thinking. You know the ones that feel good in the ‘now’, but have negative consequences. Take too many of them and it adds up to you feeling pretty miserable.
Maybe you stay up watching TV and then don’t go to the gym in the morning.
Or spend money on your credit card, then feel awful when the bill comes.
Go for a second course of dessert, only to lay awake with a tummy ache.
What, you too?! Yep, we’ve been conditioned to think this is normal. Over indulging and feeling crappy on the inside are normal.
Is this really the way you want to live?
If the answer is no, keep on reading, I’m about to set you on the road to some self loving.
Fact: There are loads of things you love doing that don’t come with negative after effects. By doing more of them, you can even start crowding out the stuff with bad consequences.
A SIMPLE TASK
Write a list of all the things that feel good to you in the present, that also send love to future you.
Mine includes yoga, running, learning how to be a digital marketing ninja, making TikTok video’s with my nieces, reading true crime novels, skiing and long chats over healthy breakfasts. You do YOU.
Then do the things on your list more often. Do them so much, you don’t have [as much] time to indulge in all that other stuff. Give yourself permission to go crazy with good clean fun!
IT MIGHT NOT BE EASY
Little steps add up. That said, you may need to take some big steps too. I decided to take a break from drinking at the end of last year. Meanwhile, I actually slipped back in some other areas (cake anyone?!). Nine months later, I’m gradually letting go of my other ‘crap’ too. Go gently if you’ve got addictions. Reducing one at a time, is a good start. In fact it’s the best approach.
CREATE A FUTURE YOU & LIFE THAT ROCKS
These days I think about future me a lot. I consider how I will feel after I take an action (just one more episode!). If the answer is awesome, It’s a go. If not, I do my best to say no. I’m not perfect, but you know what?
I have more love for myself, than I’ve had ever before
The biggest change is this. My mind is a friendly place to hang out again. That inner critic has moved on. I want this for you too.
So please come join me in sending future us some love. You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
With big thanks and massive love, from your future self.
About the Author
Yvette Mayer is the owner and Founder of Yvette Mayer Wellbeing, a Corporate Wellbeing Consulting and Private Coaching business. Yvette’s greatest passion is helping her clients go from survival mode to truly THRIVING.
She’s an advertising agency veteran of 30 years, a breast cancer survivor, health nut and vulnerable human. Known for her warm and engaging personality, she’s highly sought after on the speaker circuit and has a reputation as a culture builder.
You can connect with Yvette via email – [email protected]