I think after being single for a while, I am amused, surprised, annoyed, exasperated and very motivated to finally write about this! What am I talking about? I am talking about the way the world perceives us ‘SINGLE WOMEN’. This is not some feminist article or me shouting from the rooftops about equal rights for women. This is about plain practical common sense.
I met a friend of a close relative lately. He must be twice my age. He was being friendly and cracking harmless jokes. He seemed like a decent old guy. I was polite, smiled, answered his questions and that’s all! That truly all it was from my end! I forgot about the entire conversation and moved on with my life. I think I would have a better memory of an ant crawling on the floor than about the conversation with him. A few days later he started texting and asking me out, commenting on my pictures and automatically assumed I gave him ‘Those Signals’ and that I am attracted to him physically. Whereas I just had a normal respectful conversation with someone who I thought was elder to me. It just blew my mind! What kind of demented antenna did he have to receive such absurd signals?! I wish I could share his picture with you guys so that you could see how bizarre his assumption of just this one conversation was!
Somehow over the years, I have been perceived as someone weak, unhappy or lonely or most important of all “AVAILABLE”. Being single doesn’t always mean there’s a spot open for you in our life. You can’t just assume that it’s ok to sit your ass down on that spot. Not all single women are unhappy or desperate. Do they miss a partner in their life? Sure! Do they feel lonely at times? Sure! Do they feel out of place at gatherings? Sure! Does it mean that they are just there waiting with bated breath for you to claim them? HELL NO! The longer you have been single is directly proportional to the amount of pity and cheap advances you get from anyone and everyone! Maybe we do cry over our pillows every night, but what makes you think we want ‘YOU’ just because we are not finding the right one?
I have been single for a while and most of my friends around me had always been in steady relationships, some now married and some with kids. But that never made me feel any less happy for them and they for me. In fact being single and hanging around with couples I exactly know what I am not missing and don’t want! In my opinion being in a relationship is far more difficult than being single.
Why do people automatically assume that “Oh she’s single since so many years, there must be something wrong with her”?? I just don’t get it. Have you considered the fact that maybe she wants to be with someone worthwhile and not with judgmental fools like you? Or maybe she is just happy the way she is? Or she is figuring out her sexuality? Or she has undergone a million setbacks and her focus n life right now is getting back up on her feet? Or maybe she doesn’t want a man to make her happy and is happy by herself? People experience numerous things on a daily basis which shape up an individual’s life. It is highly premature to judge someone based off their relationship status.
I can’t begin to count the number of advances I had to evade because I was the only single one around at that time. First, they try to find out if you are single. Once you tell them you are single that automatically gets translated into a BRIGHT SIGN FLASHING ON MY FOREHEAD SAYING — YES YOU CAN HIT ON ME AND THAT MY LIFE IS INCOMPLETE WITHOUT YOU! I am not talking about people who are actually trying to date and want to get to know you. I am talking about those kinds of people who just want to jump on the running train and try their luck. Mind you they are not genuinely interested in you. They are most often trying on multiple women. They are usually married, in committed relationships, on the verge of a midlife crisis, who take one look at a picture of you and start drooling, your relatives who find pleasure in your misery and aunties and uncles whose sole purpose in life is to shove their nose in everyone’s business.
This is a forever ongoing debate that if she wears revealing clothes she’s okay with being touched, if she smiles and converses with you she must be interested, if she is single she is unhappy and available for everyone, if she says no then she doesn’t mean it yet and that’s how girls are, if she takes the initiative to be your friend she is easy, she has many male friends so she must be sleeping with them all and a million other things.
I know women, including me, who love doing things alone, be it movies, shopping or just doing what they enjoy. They love spending time with themselves. All those people who stare with pitiful or opportunistic eyes at women hanging out alone I am sorry you feel that way about yourself and that you can’t enjoy your own company. IT IS THEIR CHOICE to do these things alone and there is actually no need for people to feel sorry for them. YES, we know we are aging each year and the pool of available good partners is shrinking (according to you). We are also aware maybe after a few years we may have difficulty bearing children. The fact that we are single makes us stand out like a sore thumb to you. We know you think since we are single we must be sexually unsatisfied and that makes you really concerned about our wellbeing and that you would always be there to help at any time of the day. Much appreciated! Your overzealous enthusiasm for our biological clocks and needs is overwhelming!
Being a single woman makes us resourceful, strong, competent, and intriguing. We learn not to depend on someone else to handle everything for us and that is why we love taking care of ourselves. Yes, we do miss someone we can share our struggles and happiness with but we would rather wait for the person who deserves our, love, time and attention.
To sum it up it’s not always easy. We have our moments of weakness but you being around like flies waiting to get lucky, judging and assuming that you are doing us a favor by hitting on us just because we are single is helping no one! FYI- women hate men who are desperate for attention and sex. You may look like a monkey but if you don’t act desperate, maintain your self-respect, be non-judgemental, treat her well and don’t try your luck at every available opportunity you may still have a chance even if it is with Angeline Jolie.
We are good, we are happy, we will ask for things when we need it and you hovering around is certainly not going to get you anything. You will be the hot piece of gossip which she will share with her girlfriends and all of them will have a good bitchy laugh over you. You don’t want to know what women talk and how! Is that what you want?
We will continue to love and pamper ourselves, make a living, earn our moolah, enjoy the possibilities singledom throws at us while we audition potential interesting people who could be our “THE ONE” ( I highly doubt there is ever a ‘THE ONE”- there are always more than one lol)
Thank you — NOT! — you judgemental folks out there! Mind your business and don’t over work that small little brain of yours! Being secure about your relationship status is really okay! OKAY?? It exists ?
Chin up,
Keep Smiling,
Love,
Anu
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Originally published at thehappinessvault.com on March 28, 2017.