I’m the type of person who jumps from one relationship to another, I hate being alone. I know I need to be alone for a while, but I truly have no f*cking idea how to do that. When I’m alone it gives me time to think and my thoughts often turn into the twilight zone, leaving me with a lot of wtf feelings. I know this is so cliché, but holy h*ll …. When do things get easier? I’m beginning to think the only easy thing in life is death. It’s simple and final. There’s no second guessing anything because you’re f*cking dead, but at the same time damn you’re dead.
I was doing so well for a while and now I’m not. I’m starting to think that when I get into a relationship I forget about my needs and my feelings. I give everything to make my partner happy, even if that results in me being unhappy. I don’t want to be sad any more, I don’t want to cry over people who don’t deserve it any more, I just want to be f*cking happy. Where’s the fun in a simple and happy life though right? Smiling gives you wrinkles. I much prefer a good hysterical cry in the shower twice a week.
I’ve actually never really not been in a committed relationship, except the insignificant years before grade school. I don’t think I know who I am if I’m not someone’s girlfriend, how insanely f*cked up is that!? I’ve never been one to do things for myself, probably because I don’t really like myself very much. I’ve done some horrible things and had some horrible things done to me, I’m hoping that it evens out my karma enough at some point.
Maybe today will be different, maybe today will be better. HAHAHA
Just kidding I know it won’t be because it’s not even noon and I just want to scream and break everything, all are welcome….except those who don’t want to scream and break things, you all can f*ck right off.