Basic B*tch Season is Upon Us
This week my apartment has been a bit of a sh*t show, between my friend and an irritating family member staying with me. I’m ready to go play in traffic to get some peace and quiet….forever. Thankfully my girlfriend lives upstairs so I am not completely homeless due to my over generosity. Unfortunately her bed is basically a sink hole that is slowly breaking my body. I wake up every morning feeling like a 90 year old woman with severe arthritis. We are accepting donations for a new mattress, dm me for direct deposit info. Oh also Quinn’s response to my brokenness was “that’s OK we can be crippled together.” Isn’t she the most romantic? Someone get me a walker, it must have tennis balls on the bottom or I will not accept. Beggars can be choosers in my world.
Summer is fading quickly as we are now in spooktember and my thighs have never been happier. Fall is literally the best, f*ck me up with a basic b*tch latte and Ugg boots please. Also it’s an excuse to buy a whole new wardrobe and have my girlfriend freak out at me for spending ridiculous amounts of money on sweaters that all look the same. I have a problem, I fully admit it and I don’t f*cking care. Why can’t she just let me go broke but look cute as h*ll doing it? Responsible people who care about your well-being are such a buzz kill.
As we approach my favorite holidays it kind of makes me sad that it’s going to be so different this year, I haven’t spent a holiday alone in probably 10 years. I love decorating for Halloween, carving pumpkins and eating obscene amounts of candy until I hate myself. This year won’t be the same. I guess I never really processed how extremely f*cked up it is that my long term ex-partner/the sloth I was almost engaged to is now doing hard drugs with a junkie in the alleys of parkdale. I spent every holiday with him and it was generally garbage, but for some reason I feel a bit melancholy about it.
Even though I’m in such an amazing sloth free relationship, my psychotic self is still looking for a bit of chaos. What the f*ck is wrong with me!? I have something so good but, I want a little bit of bad. By that I mean I want her to grab me, push me up against a wall and do whatever the f*ck she wants with me until I beg her to stop, which she better not do. We all need a little naughty in our lives once in a while right? Life is weird and I genuinely don’t think anyone we will ever understand it. My advice is to get f*cked, get f*cked up and stop giving a f*ck.
Adiós mother f*ckers.