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Diary of a Queer Girl

Why Does this Keep Happening ? Since my last relationship I’ve been really working on being more patience and empathetic. My current partner, Quinn, is constantly testing my patience and it’s getting harder to talk things out because it seems to be the same cause every time. When she drinks all day she starts fights […]

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Why Does this Keep Happening ?

Since my last relationship I’ve been really working on being more patience and empathetic. My current partner, Quinn, is constantly testing my patience and it’s getting harder to talk things out because it seems to be the same cause every time. When she drinks all day she starts fights with me and if I don’t humor her with an argument she will move on to the next subject until she gets a reaction out of me.

We spent the day at the beach yesterday with my friends and I had a blast until questionable Quinn made an appearance. I knew she was getting to the point where she would start picking fights with me, so when we got home we parted ways to go get cleaned up and we were supposed to meet back up after. I didn’t think we should hang out further last night because I had a feeling it would end in an argument, most likely one she would start. Unfortunately I was right. For some reason the topic of Botox came up and she lost it on me. I personally would be happy that my partner cared about their appearance as much as I do and take it as a compliment that they want to look good for me, but what the f**k do I know right? She continued on saying she doesn’t even know what I really look like, asking why I mutilate my body, why I feel the need to change it and pointed out that I’m clearly not happy in my own skin. Honestly, there was a point in my life that I didn’t even want to look in a  f**king mirror because I hated what was looking back at me so much. Since then I’ve grown to love my self and understand my worth. Oh and I also grew to f**king love Botox.

Most often when Quinn is feeling argumentative I try to deflect and calm her down but when there’s alcohol involved there’s really no getting through. I hate arguing over petty s**t. Can you just let me stick needles in my face and be a happy little dumpling please? What ever happened to my body my choice? I suppose it doesn’t apply to cosmetic procedures, sorry ladies. 

 I just want a happy healthy relationship just like every basic bitch out there. I really want this to work, but the fighting is quickly becoming overplayed. I think we want the same things in life, which makes it even harder to understand why she is trying to destroy this. Maybe she’s one of those self-sabotage types who has to ruin a good thing because they don’t think they deserve it.  I’m sure I’ll never find out because why should I know how my girlfriend is thinking or feeling? That would just be too f**king easy.

Yesterday morning she came to my apartment to talk, it went about as well as I figured it would but I do think she’s going to at least try working on things and that means a lot to me. Blending your life with another person is never easy at first and I know we both have to make adjustments, I’m just worried that I’ll make so many adjustments for her that what I want will just get swept away, I can’t let that happen to me again. I compromised so much for my ex, I was constantly making excuses for his behavior and I let him walk all over me. There’s been some red flags already and I’m f**king terrified but I know I can’t project my past onto my future.  Also she lives unavoidably close so it better work out or I guess I’m moving, buying a one way ticket to some where or hoping someone likes to abduct spinsters with cats and happens to live on a tropical island far far away.  Well I guess this means I’m all in. F**ck.  

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