“We’ve been taught that divorce is ugly and it takes forever to heal a broken heart”
Whilst it’s commonly thought that 50% of marriages fail, in recent years the stats have dropped to 42%, the age group being most affected are men and women aged 44-49 years. Sadly, this statistic will be on the rise again as the impact of lockdown hits home and many couples face the harsh reality that their marriages just don’t work anymore.
What I’ve observed over the years is often people don’t seek help in healing their heartache until the legal proceedings are over. The problem with this is divorce proceedings can take 2-5 years to complete and during that time there’s a huge amount of emotional stress and worry.
Why waste years of your life in pain and suffering when you could be deliciously divorced?
We don’t often see these words together, mainly because we expect divorce to be filled with recriminations, betrayal, bitterness, and a severe impact on our financial resources. But does it have to be this way? With the right professional help, could it be a time to re-invent YOU in the most delicious way possible?
- DECIDE TO REFRAME THE WAY YOU SEE YOUR STORY
You can’t expect to feel deliciously happy or to have a delicious new life, unless you shift your perspective around your divorce. Of course, you have to honour the relationship you had and do the necessary healing, and you can do this with a powerful intention to use the circumstances you’re going through as a catalyst for growth and reinvention. By setting a powerful intention early on, you are shaping how you show up in the process.
2.STOP STALKING YOUR EX AND FOCUS ON YOU
It’s easy to rationalise the need to be connected on social media, especially if you have kids but it makes it so tempting to stalk them! We’ve all done it, in the hope of finding snippets of information about their new partner, life, or anything that corroborates your story about what went wrong.
Staying connected is like giving a reformed alcoholic, a bottle of beer, and expecting them not to drink it. Choose to be a kind friend to yourself, stop all social media contact, and turn your attention and focus on your emotional wellbeing. Become your number one priority, you will feel better for it.
3. SEEK TO FIND WHOLENESS
I’ve never forgotten Tom Cruise’s “You complete me…” speech in Jerry Maguire, the one, where all the women in the room swoon at his declaration of love for Renee, the hard-working single mom. It’s sickly romantic and it’s also not true. You’re already complete. You’re a whole person, the last I heard 1 + 1 = 2.
The idea that coupledom completes us is an idealistic fantasy that’s been affecting the way we behave in relationships for centuries. If this was your way of thinking, then it’s highly likely your relationship had traits of co-dependency and your sense of self came from the other person.
In which case, your divorce is a wonderful opportunity to rediscover your wholeness. Who are you? What do you stand for? What’s most important to you? What helps you to feel nurtured and filled up from the inside? These types of questions will align you with your value and purpose. Take time to meditate and journal on one question at a time and build a vision of who you want to be in your delicious new life.
4. FIND YOUR EMOTIONAL POWER
Difficult and uncomfortable feelings can leave us feeling powerless and out of control, with little understanding of how to shift or transform them.
Underneath all emotions is a positive impulse for an unmet need to be met. The easiest way to empower yourself emotionally is to develop a healthy connected relationship with your inner world of feelings.
Try this Emotional Power Practice: In a safe quiet space, choose to go within. Sitting quietly, breathing into your body a few times, gently enquire “Sweetheart, what are you feeling?” using this language helps to soften our hearts, once you identify the feeling or sensations in your body, mirror this back to yourself, “I can see you’re feeling sad….” Repeat this question two or three times, it will help you to drop into deeper emotions.
Once you have identified the feelings, ask yourself, “Sweetheart, what do you need?” Listen and mirror to yourself what comes up. Oftentimes, we might not know what we need, that’s okay, repeat the question and wait, the very act of asking and mirroring back to yourself is a form of re-parenting, the more you do it, the easier it will become. Take action on any need that comes up.
5. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR PART IN THE BREAKDOWN
Another way of reclaiming our power is by taking 100% responsibility for the part we played in the breakdown of the relationship. Often we find ourselves unconsciously giving our power away by people pleasing, always saying yes when we really want to say no, by negating or dismissing our feelings and then blaming others for our unhappiness.
Our happiness or ability to live a deliciously juicy life is no one else’s responsibility but our own. When we constantly blame others, we remain in a victimised position and all our power is outside of us, with the other person (government, boss, world event). We are powerful beyond measure, and yet we reject this. This is your time to reclaim it and you can start doing this by asking “How did I give my power away to him/her, this situation?”
6. FIND WHAT JUICES YOU UP
I absolutely love this part of my work, it’s when I get my client to re-imagine what love and life mean to them so they can create a juicy and inspiring vision for their future.
The vision has to be compelling, it’s got to light you up and it has to come from your heart. So often we create ego-driven goals, the things we think we need, or are told we need by society. To live your most radiant and juicy life it’s got to have your heart and soul in it.
I like to do this by getting my client’s deeply connected to their soul through intuitive practices. One of the simplest ways you can do this is to go out in nature. Nature is pure source energy and when you’re present with the wonder and beauty, you’re divinely connected. Ask yourself these simple questions ” What would my soul love to create?” “If there was a way to feel deliciously juicy right now, what would it be?” wait… listen… journal… allow yourself to receive insights and write a new vision for your life.