Being part of the human race, connectedness is imperative for our basic survival, alone. Regardless of whether some of us deem ourselves to be introverts or lone wolves — relationships are vital and pivotal to our own levels of self-awareness and for our own capacity to thrive and flourish as individuals within the collective.
It is because of our past and current relationships with others, whether the relationship experience have been a painfully negative one or rather a beautifully positive one — that we are then each able to further embrace, and hone the relationship we each have with ourselves — the most significantly paramount relationship of all, in my humble opinion.
It is within the polarities of both pain and joy that we can each become exceptionally clear with regards to our own individual boundaries, and where we are also reaffirmed of our own values and belief systems.
Every person we engage with whether it be on a superficial level or in a deeper realm — is a mirror into who we are. What we love, respect, appreciate and conversely, what we shy away from, avoid, dismiss, or negatively react towards in another, is at the core level — a reflection of both our conscious and unconscious selves.
It is very easy and almost an automatic response to externalize and deflect the parts of ourselves we are either blinded or blocked by — easier to blame others and to judge others than to focus on the areas within ourselves that require healing, shifting, and working on at the committed level. Easier to formulate an uneducated, biased, uninformed impression or judgement of another than it is to authentically self-assess our own deficits and shortcomings.
Relationships, like anything else in this world, and our perceptions held toward them, derives from either a place of love or from a place of fear. We are either consciously committed to learning the lesson, embracing the gift and using it for good, empowerment of self and others while in our own pursuit of working on ourselves or we are not. We can choose to become defined by our relationships held and shared with others or we do not. We can paint everyone with the same brush based on our own experiences and continue to approach and interact with every other person who comes into our lives, from a place of scarcity and skepticism or we can do the work in-between and on-ongoingly and embrace the potential yumminess and beauty, which has yet to unfold.
When we each consciously make the decision to tap into our own pain, triggers, past hurts and disappointments, which may have arisen during different junctures of our lives with those we shared a relationship with — we gift ourselves by going to that place where only love, empathy and compassion is birthed and unleashed. We can choose to relinquish certain people from our lives and for a whole myriad of reasons that simply do not align with our energies or which do not honour ourselves, and yet still have nothing but love and well-intentions in our hearts for them. Pain and suffering, as well as dwelling on the unknowns of the whys, does not have to follow us around for the rest of our lives nor weigh us down. We are each ultimately responsible for the degree and scope of what we allow to further contaminate and poison our spirits, our souls, our thoughts and our energies, and the healthy relationships, which do in fact serve to nurture and honour ourselves. It’s a choice.
If we did not have the vast array of pleasant and unpleasant experiences within all cumulative relationships within our journey’s — how then would we be able to discern the difference between healthy and unhealthy? Toxic and pure? Or know the difference between those who contribute vs. those who contaminate?
I make it my daily priority, ritual and regimen to focus my time, attention and energies toward being the best possible version of myself — to work on myself — to dig deep and even deeper in the honing and healing of my own relationship with self. That’s a lot of work and absorbs much of my time because it is forever on going and limitless with no expiration date. When we choose to become more immersed in self-work, there is little time left over to find fault with others, which is essentially — the unhealed parts of one’s self. Choosing this path has enriched my relationship with all others and especially those whom I deem to love and care about, and whose relationship to me, I hold most sacred.
One of my daily mantras, which I state often, and unwaveringly adhere to, is this: Be your own Hero. Be your own Shero. Be your own Leader. Be your Best Friend.
When one chooses to healthily and consistently show up for self — then and only then can one authentically show up for others.
Uplifting you to fear less and to live more! #Grateful #LivingFearlessly
Originally published at medium.com