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Dear MOMself: Please forgive me

As moms, we carry so much on our shoulders, silently swallowing all of our pain, sadness, struggles, and fears. Hiding them from the world because we must be strong for our children. I see and hear the struggles moms go through, whether through friends, social media, or mom groups. I’ve come to look at the […]

As moms, we carry so much on our shoulders, silently swallowing all of our pain, sadness, struggles, and fears. Hiding them from the world because we must be strong for our children.

I see and hear the struggles moms go through, whether through friends, social media, or mom groups. I’ve come to look at the whole picture and began to ask myself–how can we heal this part of us that we are trying to share with our community, finally allowing ourselves to express the truth of motherhood struggles.

Although the thoughts are shared, the question is– are the emotions and feelings we have really being  healed? Or are they just being accumulated and only shared so we can confirm that we are not the only ones carrying them?

So today, I want to take the first step to heal those feelings and emotions by asking my MOMself for forgiveness.

Forgive me for not doing more self-care. For the times I knew my body needed the break and still, I pushed myself past my breaking point. I forgive myself for not taking time to breathe, to think, or to love me. For not nourishing my body with nutritious food because I didn’t think I was important enough to make time to make me a decent meal, instead, I convinced myself that next time I would—but next time never came.

Forgive me for not expressing my sadness and swallowing my tears through the rough days when I have felt defeated. For not reaching out for help when I felt overwhelmed. For the many times, I felt alone and chose to keep it to myself. For the times I knew I needed sleep and rest and chose to make sure everyone else was taken care of first. Forgive me for not honoring how I felt in each and every one of those moments, for not thinking I too deserved to be seen, heard, and be acknowledged.

Forgive me for setting my expectations as a mother so high that it resulted in me feeling like a failure. For wanting to be superwoman, instead of just being me. For judging myself every step of the way on how well I am doing as a mom. For blaming myself on things I couldn’t finish or get to. For the should have and could have that resulted in regret and guilt. For comparing myself to other moms who seem to have it all together.

Forgive me for the shame I felt because I didn’t produce enough milk for my daughter to have, for the frustration I didn’t express, and the feeling of not being good enough. For the times I allowed others to shame me and judge me for not breastfeeding and bottle feeding instead. For not having all of the answers on how to help my daughter through every need.

Most importantly, forgive me for giving up my power. For allowing other people’s opinions of my mothering style to bring me down and affect my mood, For doubting myself. Forgive me for the mistakes I’ve made on the things I didn’t know, but still held myself accountable for. And for ever thinking I wasn’t a good mom.

I choose to give myself self-compassion. Just because I am a mother, it doesn’t mean I stopped being human. It doesn’t mean I have fewer needs than anyone else. It doesn’t mean I must lose the balance of my feelings and those of others. It doesn’t mean I must give and no longer receive in return. Just because I am a mother, it doesn’t mean I deserve to love me less. It doesn’t mean I should punish myself or allow others to punish me. And just because I am a mother, it definitely does not mean that I must do it alone.

Through every situation I’ve gone through so far, and the future ones to come, I choose to only keep the lesson so I can grow and become a better mother, wife, and human being, and choose to release the story, the judgment, the self-punishment.

When I forgive me, I am opening the space for my ancestors to heal these same feelings they painfully carried in silence their whole lives. When I forgive me, I teach my daughter that vulnerability is strength and self-forgiveness is a form of self-love. When I forgive me, I encourage every mother to do the same because they know it is possible to do so.

Today, I choose to forgive all of these things and release them. I choose to grow in love with the role I’ve been gifted and I choose to embrace who I am as a mother. I don’t have to carry guilt as a form of self-punishment, because I am deserving– I am a Goddess!

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