Community//

Dear Husband, The Kids and I Don’t Work For You

A Letter to Husbands Who Run Their Family Like an Organization


Dear Husband, 

We appreciate and are grateful for everything you provide for us. The sacrifices of working long hours, being away from home, and forgoing vacations do not go unnoticed. 

We know you work hard and are proud of your accomplishments. 

You are a driven man who believes in working hard, maintaining a competitive edge, and winning at all costs. 

You embrace collaborative overload and are honored to be part of every project, committee, and organizational initiative. 

You tell me you don’t believe in resting and will rest when you die. 

Your ambition has paid off, leadership notices you, and you have reached the top. You are in control of budgets, strategies, and the organization. It is the reason you get out of bed and stay awake at night.

But please understand, when you come home from the adrenaline high of closing deals, negotiating, and motivating your team, the kids and I don’t work for you, we work with you to co-create family. 

Yes, we are a team. A team that is based on cooperation, trust, and love.  Not a team that has to win at all costs, go to war with the competition, or perform 24/7. 

Yes, we want to be successful. A success that is measured by our own happiness, balance, and peace, not by ROI, promotions, or bonuses. 

Yes, we have goals. They are called aspirations, that motivate us from a sense of purpose, belonging, and desire to make our planet a better place. 

Not goals which are created from a SWOT analysis, forecasting, and statistics. 

Whether it be business or family we want the same thing. We want to steer our kids and your employees in the right direction to achieve success. However, the same words that motivate your team, don’t necessarily motivate us. 

Quotes from Zig Ziglar, Rocky, and Top Gun may be a motivational tool to help your team to help achieve sales quotas, but it doesn’t have the same effect on your family. 

We are motivated by words that build trust, encourage curiosity, and connection.  We don’t have yearly sales goals or quotas to meet. We spend time exploring who we are. 

We understand your life has been defined by proving yourself, creating high exceptions, and moving the goal posts. And by doing so you have experienced not only success but stress. The stress of perfectionism, hard work, and internalizing you are never good enough.  When you sabotage yourself this way you sabotage your family. 

Your fear-based beliefs, while unconscious, is interpreted by your family as we aren’t good enough, we aren’t performing, and we don’t work hard enough. Since our kids aren’t capable of navigating their emotions, and understanding human behavior, they soak up these messages and believe they are at fault. 

When you gave birth to your career you were full of hope, ambition, and drive. You were prepared to do anything to succeed. And knowing the stakes were high you were willing to make sacrifices. 

Sacrifices based on self. 

When I gave birth to our children I was full of awe, excitement, and uncertainty. I was prepared to do anything to help them thrive. And knowing the stakes were high I was willing to make sacrifices. 

Sacrifices based on love. 

Please know, I am grateful and appreciate everything you do. Let’s align and birth a new way of leading our family that combines your leadership strengths, and my knowledge of creating a healthy environment. One of love, trust, and connection where our family feels safe to have difficult conversations and evolve. 

Love,

Your wife and kids

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