The world changed this year, but has dating? When 33 Thousand Dates surveyed 742 singles, 67% said they pulled back on dating in the first six weeks after COVID-19 hit. Now, 72% are back on the dating scene – but with differing philosophies. With or without a pandemic looming in the background, dating success comes down to the transformative power of positive thinking. Positivity can be difficult during these turbulent times, but here are a few ways you can harness your power.
Your mindset determines your online dating results, which sounds clinical but it’s true! In another recent study from 33 Thousand Dates that surveyed 1,419 singles, men said that their biggest turn off on a first date is negativity. Comments like these turn people off: “COVID-19 is ruining my life…I hate that it’s raining…my Uber driver was rude…I’m under so much pressure from my family as my three siblings are married…” To help you spot negative behavior fast in yourself and in dating prospects, think about what you’d say during a job interview – I always give candidates my positivity test, which is simply: “How was your commute here?” Some focus on the beautiful views, while others complain about the traffic. The ones I’d hire are the same who experience dating success!
EXUDE SELF CONFIDENCE
33 Thousand Dates asked men what they’re looking for in a woman, and the top five attributes were attractive, a good sense of humor, happy, positive, and my favorite, self confident – self confidence is sexy! I have a 44-year-old female client who is a veterinarian, well-dressed (when she’s not with her furry friends), and upbeat – but most importantly, she exudes self confidence. She’s had seven first dates in the last month, and each of the men immediately texted her asking for a second – she accepted five of the invitations and is having a blast. Remember, there is a huge pool of eligible singles when online dating, so don’t be upset over one bad date – instead, look forward to the next one!
When you go live on a dating site, you’re going to receive a lot of responses, and while it may be a temporary ego boost, most will not be who you’re looking for! You need to proactively use the site, set filters, ignore any off-putting responses, and choose the people you want to meet. Feeling empowered to take control of your dating destiny is where the success in online dating lays, and I hope the following stat will encourage you to go after what you want – men’s number one complaint with online dating? Not enough women sending the first message! Hey, it’s 2020, women have the right to vote and the right to message first!
STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF
Don’t appear as someone you’re not online just because it’s easy! You want your dating profile to represent your true self so that you can attract people who share your passions. The first few lines of your profile convey your personality, interests, values, and so much more, so make them count! For inspiration, our veterinarian friend has something along the lines of, “I may hang with my furry friends all day, but I promise a fur free date or I’m buying the first round.” Your intro is usually being read while the person is simultaneously reviewing your photos, so each should say something about you. Love to travel? Include a candid shot of you shopping the Marrakech souks. Yoga your thing? A tree pose is flattering. But if hiking is only something you subject yourself to once a year, skip the photo of you posing on a mountaintop.
CHOOSE QUALITY OVER QUANTITY
There are dating platforms designed specifically for those wanting quantity, like Tinder and Hinge, versus those wanting quality, like Elite Singles and The League – plus many more depending on what you’re looking for, where you live, or which beliefs are important to you. Before choosing which is right for you, ask yourself some key questions that I ask my clients right off the bat: What kind of relationship and person are you looking for? Are you recently divorced and looking to meet all kinds of people? Are you a long-term single finally looking for a relationship? Is your clock ticking and you’re ready for marriage? What are your top three values or beliefs that are non-negotiable? Do you prefer a partner who doesn’t have kids and has never been married? And how flexible are you on all of the above? If you keep these answers in mind throughout your dating journey, you will quickly filter out people who are not a fit and attract those who align with your wants and needs.
I, too, incorporate the power of positive thinking into my daily routine and always wake up hopeful that one of my clients will fall in love – it’s my favorite call to receive, and why I do what I do!