I’m not the first one to wonder about the meaning of dating, nor am I the first to get heart broken. I get tired of dishing out all my energy into a man that isn’t giving me the same effort back. I’m not going to sit here and say that relationships are precious and that the “right man” won’t ever give you problems because honey, every man will give you some kind of puzzle to piece together. I get angry at the men who think “dating” consists of sex, lies and non-commitment. I’ll be honest here, I hate getting to know someone, talking about my favorite foods (french fries-incase you are wondering), wasting my favorite concealer and lip stick, not to mention the good outfits and witty flirty comments and then finding out that he was a total jerk. I hate that I need to coddle men and reassure them that we can take our time and that they don’t have to worry about me expecting a ring a year into dating (ugh you big baby). In addition, I HATE that most men are petrified to love in all sense of the word. They can go to wedding’s, congratulate their friends on their engagements but shiver in hopelessness when the word marriage or babies comes around.
Maybe I sound bitter….but I don’t think I am the only woman and guess what? I am tired of keeping it in, giving men a constant excuse when they use the “I’m not ready” statement. No-no you are ready, you just aren’t ready to man up and do the work!
Since when does a woman have to explain herself constantly to make a man feel better? Why is it that everytime you feel like you’ve found someone who is amazing, you find out that they are petrified of commitment in all sense of the word and can’t even introduce you to their aunt without having a panic attack? Why is it that society labels commitment as a complete and utter sham, a jolly green monster under your bed that’s ready to eat all your toes and leave you footless. Coming across grown men sabotaging a perfectly good thing before it even starts, is absolutely emotionally draining. Plot twist: they realize what they have when it’s already gone.
As I stared at my best friend, looping through the major dating apps of the world and falling for men that at first, seemed like they had all their shit together and were so attentive, I realized something; dating doesn’t suck, it’s disappointing. It’s not disappointing because women expect marriage and babies, but because men already have this preconceived notion in their heads, something that says we are out to get them, when in all reality, we just want some flowers and a grown up to drink mimosa’s and watch football with. And so, we get the rude men who claim to have their shit together and then two months later, regress.
Listening to my best friend ask me why what seemed to be a great man, was only liking her instagram pictures rather than actually getting to know her, I got to the question that scared me and at the same time, upset me; Will we ever come across a good guy? What if I was born in the WRONG era and chivalry IS really dead? What if I end up being the lady with ten cats and a blind poodle at 65, yelling at the tv screen, deaf in one ear and trying to make out what Law and Order episode I’m on? When will my effort be reciprocated, even just alittle? When will this different kind of lonely go away? When will I stop hurting? Will I ever stop hurting…….?
Later that day-walking home, I bumped into a few ladies at Starbucks in Brooklyn asking each other the same question’s. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone. I knew from then on, those questions were normal to ask because we are human and we are women. We build, we break boundaries, we heal, we cry but we keep pushing limits. Doesn’t mean that we are not allowed to have vulnerable “WTF” moments. I knew that even though I felt alone in a room full of people at times or alone embracing my journey, I was never alone because there were women out there, hoping to meet the good guy too. Not because they need him, not because it completes their lives, but because they are tired of giving their heart to the guys that aren’t so good. Even though we don’t know how the next man will turn out, or when we will finally meet someone that knows how to be unafraid of love in all sense of the word, know I share your frustration and your heartache and I am with you. You are not alone.