Custody Battles and the Affects it has on Children

Who suffers in the end?

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Are we doing enough as a country to protect children during divorce/custody battles?  We take a look at some important factors around what children have to go through whilst mother and father battle it out. 

  1. Parents should think long and hard before battling for their rights to see their children.  Are they doing it for their interests or the children?
  2. Does the past marriage or living together ever become a factor of why they feel animosity towards the other parent?  Again, parents need to check on their intentions before taking legal action.
  3. Emotional and Psychological effects of the children will need to be taken into consideration during custody battles – is it worth making everything personal to the point where contact becomes non-relaxed, which results in further problems for the children.  
  4. While parents are battling it out on the gauntlet, children eventually put themselves into a bubble and create their own world to protect themselves.  They eventually distrust both parents and start to show signs of rebellion.  
  5. Punishing one another in the end, results in punishing the child.  Surely there is a logic in that – but unfortunately, this is overseen.  
  6. Parents become so absorbed in their own battles to do ‘what’s right’ they lose focus on what is important – the child’s welfare.  Even though they think they’re actually doing a good thing.  
  7. Judges will see many cases but will not receive the entire picture which develops into not having a clear understanding of what is happening – and will need to go by what is best legally for the children’s interests and based on admissible evidence.  
  8. If conflicting evidence shows its presence, the factual findings still may not cover exactly what is happening – which deviates the attention from the children and their current state.  
  9. Lawyers and Solicitors simply want a ‘win’ for their client – which again, removes the focus of the affects this whole debacle is having on children.  
  10. Children want to simply live in an environment where no fighting is occurring between parents, separated or not.  They want to be cared for and not be stuck between parents fighting over them.  Sometimes it becomes like they are playing the role of a referee.  
  11. Some parents think their children are extremely ‘resilient’.  Really?  Are you saying this to make yourself better due to your actions and the other parent.  How extreme do you need to take it before realizing how resilient your child is?  
  12.  Parents seriously need to think about what they are doing not only to themselves, but their children too.  Children needs come first.  Their welfare, their health and their future decisions.  
  13. If you’re starting a parenting plan – which I recommend, stick to it and revisit it every 3 years – this works wonders and will help the child enormously.  
  14. See how your child reacts to when mother and father start talking – see how happy they become.  It doesn’t have to be a constant battle.  There are no winners here.  Remember that.  

To summarize, shared parenting is possible, only if BOTH parents agree to compromise, balance the relationship for the child and share the child’s life fairly.  Think again before starting your battle.  

This was originally published on

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