What does a relationship mean to you? Is it a necessity of life? Do you have a vision of what you think a good relationship should be?
Deciding what a relationship should look like, feel like, and be like actually cuts you off from what it can be for you and your life, and what you and another person can create.
When I first chose to my relationship with my ‘enjoyable other’, I didn’t have specific ideas of what a relationship should be. He is eleven years younger than me, has a child and a dog, and came with a lot debt. I didn’t assess the situation and decide this isn’t the perfect man for me. We enjoyed each other; it was fun. So we chose to create together!
Relationship is actually about creation and the continuous contribution you can be to one another. Most people step into a relationship based on what they’ve decided relationships are all about; they’re looking for someone to complete them or make them happy. This is a fantasy that doesn’t exist. You don’t require something outside of you to be happy, and you aren’t incomplete. You are the source for your life. You can choose to be happy in every moment of every day. But relationships can make your life more fun!
How do you allow a relationship to contribute to you and your life? Ask yourself…
What are my points of view about relationship?
Are you waiting for your fantasy version of relationship to show up? Whether you’re in a relationship now or desire one in the future, the points of view you have about what it should look like, be like, and feel like are stopping what you can actually create.
Everything you’ve decided a relationship should be is a point of view that keeps you from what it can be. Are you waiting for the “right” person to come along who makes you feel like a king or queen? No one can create that for you. How you feel is up to you.
When you consider what qualities you would like to have in your relationships, rather than building an argument for why that’s the right way, begin acknowledging that “right” is just a judgment. Would you rather be right, or would you rather have a relationship and a life that works for you?
What points of view do I have about me?
Take the time to look at yourself first. If you’re looking for someone to complete you, it’s because you’ve judged there is something about you that’s lacking.
Get brutally honest with yourself. What judgments do you have about you? Are you trying to create a relationship that compensates for your judgments? Expecting that the right person will be the fix to your insecurities doesn’t work.
You can change anything in a heartbeat if you are willing to look at what is limiting your life and where things aren’t working. Be honest with yourself and you will change them. Anything you’re hiding from yourself will hold you back. You have to be willing to continually look at your points of view and become totally vulnerable with yourself.
Whether you’re currently single or have been married for 30 years, anything you’ve decided about yourself is not only limiting you, but is stopping your relationships from being the generative creation they can be.
What can a relationship contribute to my life?
The moment you have a relationship, you quit creating one. Most people stop at “we’re married” or some other level of achievement. Defining your relationship limits what it can be.
There is actually no end to what you can contribute to each other when you don’t define it. What if you started each day asking, “What now? What’s next? What else can we create together?”
Letting go of the fantasy of relationship magically opens you up to the possibilities of what you can create with one. How much fun can you have creating a relationship that truly works for you?