The ultimate freedom of expression is my highest value. This is because I was a slave girl or a victim. Call it either, it’s the same thing, complete lack of power, and complete and utter helplessness. This is not rare on this planet. Many of us were raised and brought up in those environments, sometimes so ominous that they appeared normal from the outside, while at home it was a silent torturous tragedy day after day.
If you live in a family that in so many ways prohibits and threatens your true expression, while creating singular models and patterns of behavior they deem correct with endless tasks for you to complete in order to satisfy some norm, always with a quietly looming impending danger if you don’t, you become a slave girl in order to survive. You know that any kind of rebellion will only cause you more pain, and so you start doing to yourself what your family already does, you self-censor and you self-torture. I don’t know if there is any form of abuse that is comparable to this, because it is continuous, it is looming, its manipulative, its secretive and its effects are thus long lasting.
Do you know what many African-American slaves did once they were freed — they turned around and asked their owner to enslave them again. They couldn’t face their newfound freedom. Their personality, will, desires and soul were so weakened, they longed for the safety of the known. I don’t know if there is any other abuse that is as difficult to recover from, as reframing one’s beliefs is very hard work, and not many who have undergone such atrocities have the stamina, resources and wish to pursue that.
So what is the way out? I asked myself that today. Its forgiving OURSELVES for what we have become. Its accepting, forgiving and even loving our intense anger, sadness and depression that arise daily. Its saying, OK, I hate people now, and that’s OK. I am not a generous person, and that’s OK. I don’t want to help anyone and that’s OK. I don’t care about people and that’s OK. I don’t give a shit if people like me and that’s OK. People are boring and idiots and that’s OK. I don’t love my life and that’s OK. Happiness is for dumb people and that’s OK. I don’t care to understand anyone and that’s OK. I hate people and they scare me and that’s OK.
Why is this the way out? Because, these sentences, as horrible or selfish or radical they sound, are possibly your truth now. And saying your truth, expressing it, even publically is the freedom you ultimately desired as the slave girl. To say how you feel and for yourself to care about how you feel. To have a CHOICE to say, to think, to feel whatever comes. And if all that comes seems or feels negative, but it’s empowering for you, then it’s good and it’s OK. It’s a long road from slave girl to freedom, and crossing it and embracing the possibility of CHOICE to feel and express NEGATIVITY is the foundation for healing and releasing long term pent-up pain, ANGER and complete lack of purpose. Only by embracing the choice to be negative and saying that’s OK, do you stand a chance to get to the other side, to free yourself at last.
And in the world where positivity is admired and negativity scolded and minimized, you need to be prepared to DEFEND your right to choose as that is the only path to FREEDOM, even if this causes you to lose friends, family, followers, clients… your soul’s freedom deserves a chance and NO PRICE is too high. Not belonging and not being accepted, and even being vilified, hurts, but not as much as being enslaved. Set yourself free.
Compassion is the second most important part in this process, compassion for yourself and for those who DON’T understand you. There will be many, and it’s because they haven’t faced their own anger and demons so they can’t deal with yours. And that’s fine. All do it in their own time. And this is YOURS. So CLAIM it.
Dunja is a Success and Fulfilment Coach who provides revolutionary healing to female entrepreneurs experiencing rapid growth. She helps them uncover their hidden strengths and create their legacy now. For more information https://www.facebook.com/dunjaradocoach/
Originally published at medium.com