I wrote the genesis of this post over two years ago while reorganizing and cleaning my home. I was thinking “how many unnecessary things I have…what do I need them for?” Perhaps, I was using these things more often in the past, but presently they were only accumulating dust and creating chaos. Experts in the theory of Feng Shui advise to discard all unnecessary things that have not been used in the last 6–12 months. This way, we create space for new things to come into our homes and lives.
The most important part of cleaning is the removal of unwanted things — especially those things that no longer serve us. This creates space for us and the things we love.
This analogy can also be applied to our inner psychological state and world. We carry so much of our past inside of us — memories, beliefs, behaviors, habits — we believe they are useful to us, that they still work and serve us, and we are so comfortable that we’ve become accustomed to them. But what if we take a closer look at them? We would realize that they are only accumulating dust and creating chaos.
I propose you think about your accumulations and chaos. In the meantime, I will share with you my personal list of how I created more space in my life.
1. I refuse to run away from problems.
We all know that we should not run away from our problems. It’s like we are trying to outrun our own shadow. Yet if we are honest enough with ourselves we will admit that the world nowadays is quite successful and has many favorable options for escape. Some call it entertainment; others simply find excuses and apologies.
I refuse to run away from problems, because while I’m running away from them, I’m running away from making decisions. I choose to find solutions.
2. I refuse to live in the past.
Sometimes the past is too good to let it go or too broken to forget it. The past every so often affect us too much. So much, that we get stuck in the same rut in which nothing new happens. We are here because of what is behind us, but we should not underestimate what is before us.
In order for the new to come, we need to clear up some space. I refuse to live in the past and I’m freeing up space for what awaits for me. I choose all new things that are already on their way to me.
3. I refuse to live in the future.
Dreams are something beautiful and inspiring, but excessive doses of escape from myself are distraction from the here and now. I love to dream, to plan, to imagine different scenarios of opportunities in my life. But sometimes this makes me suspend my life for too far ahead. One day, when something happens or we are where we want to be, this and that might do or happen.
I refuse to live in the future. I give up delaying my life for the future and I give up making excuses or believing there is still time for this or that to happen. The only time I can be happy, true and complete is now. I choose to live in the present.
4. I refuse others to control my life.
Others always have and will have expectations of us. Sometimes these expectations and guidance are wonderful and most generous. But they are just one point of view, someone else’s perspective. I respect others’ opinions, but I choose to nourish my own opportunities and to make decisions, even though I may be wrong sometimes.
I refuse to live based on others’ opinion. I choose to live based on my own opinion.
5. I refuse to make excuses and find excuses.
Many times we think that others are to blame for our situations. Sometimes this is true, but other times not so much. Every situation can be seen not so much as a matter of blame, but a question of what we ourselves can do with it and from it? What can we learn or change? Blaming and not taking responsibility can be very comforting, but I don’t find that being part of a whole fulfilling life.
I refuse to live as a victim of circumstances, people and facts. I choose to take responsibility of my own life.
6. I refuse to focus on the negative.
To not run away from our problems is one thing, but to focus on them and see only black is a different story. The world is not black and white, but if we focus only on the black — that is all we’ll see.
When we are in a difficult situation of loss, sadness, bitterness, we think that life is only this particular feeling that we are currently experiencing.
And I know this very well. Sometimes black is everything we see, and so hard. But I also know that whatever does not happen even in the deep pain and sorrow, there is another perspective. And sometimes all we need is a different perspective.
I refuse to focus on the negative. I choose to search and find other perspectives.
7. I give up hasty conclusions.
This is not a matter of intuitive decisions we make, and for how easy it is sometimes to blame, judge, be offended or make the wrong decision. Preconceptions, hopes, expectations, fears — these are allies of the hasty conclusion we sometimes make. At times it takes seconds for us to enter the course and raise so many negative feelings and misunderstandings. Yet it has happened to many of us to draw conclusions on limited information or assumptions.
I give up hasty conclusions. I choose to give chance to myself and to other people around me.
Enjoyed reading? Please share. We are in this world to help one another. All of us grow faster when we support each other. I encourage others to add value to the world, so we can make compounding ripples of improvement for everyone.
About The Author
Dr. Mila is an internationally known Change Catalyst. She teaches individuals and organizations about awareness, connection, and the need for change – personally, socially, and professionally.