It seems like every day there is a new world-changing event happening. So many people are being affected so profoundly that it’s impossible to ignore. But at a time when things seem so overwhelming and complicated, it is so important for us to be focusing on conscious communication.
Our beliefs are being used to isolate and separate us as a nation and an overall human race. Whether it’s during a time of a health pandemic, horrific racial injustices, or even politically, separation is not the key to progression. It is my belief that in order for this globe to come together, we need to deeply practice conscious communication.
Author Don Miguel Ruiz discusses in his book “The Four Agreements” how everyone walks around with open wounds and the second someone pokes at the wound everyone’s claws come out. The encounters become extraordinarily reactive and escalate into a type of power grab. If someone begins discussing things from a very vulnerable place, others may look at it as a time to take that person’s power and use their vulnerability against them.
Finding a way to have conversations, to be able to sit down with someone who may appear to be on the opposite side of you, and to have a truly conscious conversation is the only way to move our world to a place of true unity. In my courses and my content, I teach others to be more present in their current situation, to observe the world around them, and to move forward with complete consciousness. This means to not be reactive but contemplative in order to implement life-changing understanding that is geared toward complete unity and equity.
I firmly believe in investing time, energy, and resources into causes you truly align to and believe in. However, ultimately being able to have in-depth conversations with people from all sides places us in an energy of growth and transformation.
** stop treating experts like God. Experts are people who know more on a topic than the majority of the population, they’ve typically studied their area of expertise for years and are the best to give recommendations to the general public, AND…
** ALL experts are human. We put a massive amount of pressure on them to know exactly what’s going to happen (covid for instance) and then if they’re not exactly correct we call them out publicly for what idiots they are
** what if we lived in a world where an expert could say “this is what my prediction is, but it’s just a prediction and I could be totally wrong” and then if they are totally wrong for them to feel safe enough in who they are to say “I was totally wrong” and not be shamed for it
** The same goes for conscious conversation and communication. We are ALL learning all the time. The majority of people are good people who want the best for themselves and others. Being politically correct with our language has become so complicated as our society is continually evolving. We are all doing our best, majority of us don’t want to offend someone, we care about others and their feelings, but we’re so scared of saying the wrong thing because we ended up being treated like the experts and shamed for not being right even though we never claimed to be an expert on the topic and were just trying to have a conversation
** Why would we want to have a conversation about something we’re not experts in? Because that’s how we connect and learn. Conversation and storytelling has been one of the key ways that humans have connected, created relationships and learned since the beginning of language itself.
** Imagine a thousand years ago if you and your family were traveling to a different area and you came across another friendly group of people traveling, it would have been very common to have a conversation around what you can expect up ahead on your travels. For instance, let’s say there’s a pack of mountain lions in the next canyon, it would be helpful to know that so you could stay alert and not get attacked, correct? But in this day and age we are so scared of talking to other humans because we’re so afraid of being called out, saying something wrong, being shamed or judged that we stay silent, staring at our phones. We are in closer proximity and yet more distant than we’ve probably ever been from humans throughout history. We may not be dealing with mountain lions but instead we’re dealing with feeling incredibly alone, disconnected from our communities, lacking in real relationships, with levels of anxiety and depression continually increasing and our fear of being ostracized, judged or shamed constantly playing in the background.
** The truth is every human is unique. Has a unique background, story and experience which has created unique opinions and belief systems. And one of the best ways that I know to identify what your belief systems and opinions are so that you can choose whether you’d like to keep them or choose a new one (because many run under the surface in our subconscious) is by having a conscious conversation with another person.
** So here’s the question…when’s the last time that you felt comfortable openly talking about your thoughts, beliefs, dreams, fears, opinions and insecurities with another human, especially one who maybe you just met?
** Or do you instead try to gracefully navigate small talk of socially acceptable topics like the weather (just don’t bring up global warming), or your favorite restaurant (as long as your area isn’t still on lockdown which would bring up a whole uncomfortable debate on exactly where you stand with the whole covid pandemic)? And we all hate small talk because there’s no substance to it, it’s like eating fat free anything when what we’re really craving is the satiety of deep real connection and conversation.
** So here’s what I’m proposing:
1. Learn to really be present with and listen to another human without planning what you’re going to say as soon as they take a breath to get your point across
2. Drop the need to be right and stop fighting for sides. I will come back over and over again to my favorite quote which comes from Anne Frank that “in spite of everything I still believe people are good at heart”. Lean towards believing the person you’re having a conversation with is a good person because I can almost guarantee that they are, they’re just afraid of what speaking their truth might mean. Be present with them, listen.
3. If the person you’re talking to says something you don’t agree with instead of snapping at them, being reactive, telling them they’re an idiot and they should know better…be curious. Ask questions, where did this belief come from, were they raised with it, did they have an experience that led to it. Be present.
4. Don’t need to fix them. They’re not broken, they don’t need to be fixed. And with a decade of experience as a master coach I’ve seen time and time again that something magical happens when we can just be present with another human and listen, when we no longer are in a fight, flight or freeze mode we can drop our guard enough to speak and think from a space of conscious communication, processing what’s going on for us and being open to other opinions. Simply by being heard and seen for who and where we are we can then reassess and change.
** “The great paradox is that when I accept myself, then I can change.” Conversation is where I learn what I believe, what I stand for and identify my desires, my limiting beliefs and choose who I’m going to be, how I’m going to show up and what I will practicing believing going forward to shift and transform my reality and my life.
** Lastly, don’t underestimate a real conversation. And a real conversation does not include a random post on social media and then going back and forth in the comments section. It is so difficult to understand what someone means in that way, you don’t have the intonation of their voice, the body language, the real connection that can only happen when having a real conversation (video conversations work as well 😉 ). Conversations turn into disagreements and straight up emotionally charged experiences on social media every single day because of misunderstandings. And then I see people taking screenshots of these misunderstandings and plastering them across social media to call the other person out and “teach others a lesson about their wrong thinking”.
** And you wonder why we all keep to ourselves, don’t speak our truth, and keep our faces planted in our phones avoiding contact with everyone else at all costs because we’d rather be eaten by the mountain lion in the next canyon over then possibly get in an uncomfortable conversation and be publicly shamed.
** We’re better than this, we can do better than this and it is time on this planet to learn to have a conscious conversation with another human being whether you agree with their point of view or not.
More about Jessica
Jessica comes from a four-generation Centennial homestead family and graduated from Colorado State University with a full-ride Boettcher Foundation scholarship. You can find her running her business from her phone as she hikes the mountains near Fort Collins, while teaching others to live and work freely too. Transforming from small town country-girl to global success as a writer, speaker, and coach, Jessica has positively impacted hundreds of thousands a year for almost a decade.