If you are dating, stop following your heart and start following your gut. Your gut instinct, your intuition, can help you find your forever person.
When dealing with matters of the heart, the toughest yet most necessary factor is to be neutral and detached from the outcome. You cannot want a particular answer, person or situation. If you want something so badly that it consumes you, your emotions will impede your intuition’s ability to lead you to your future partner.
Your mind should be clear and calm. You do not have to be sitting cross-legged on a yoga mat to achieve that. You can be walking, doing dishes or juggling pineapples if that’s what settles your mind. Shut down the overthinking and worrying for the moments that you want to connect with your intuition.
When your intuition does whisper, and it will be a whisper instead of a yell; allow anything and everything to arrive to your mind. Get out of your own way and your need to control events. Your conscious mind will try to interfere with your intuition by censoring, judging and trying to figure out how you will find your person. If a thought comes through and it creates emotion, that is your conscious mind and not your intuition.
Sometimes your intuition will tell you to go to a place or get in touch with a person. Pay attention to these fleeting moments. They are directing you towards something or someone that may enhance your life. If it is impossible to go or connect, don’t worry. You will get another message.
Who is your forever person? Where does he live? What does he look like? Couldn’t hurt to ask your intuition. You may like to write down your questions first. Clear your mind of the’ hot guy’ and the ‘my type’ guy. Those are biases that will skew your intuition. Create a neutral, detached and calm mind and ask your questions quickly. Pay attention to the first thing that comes to mind. It doesn’t matter how odd it seems. If nothing comes up, move on to the next question. Rapid fire questions and answers will help to bypass your conscious mind and tap into your intuition.
If you prefer a visualization, imagine that you are in a peaceful, all white room. If you want to have some fun with it, have Barry White singing “Let’s Get It On” in the background. People start to arrive. They are blurry. One of the blurry people catches your eye. Strike up a conversation and ask your questions. If anything that comes to you creates emotion or you want to question it, discard that thought. That is your conscious mind jumping in. Intuition is emotionless.
Before we continue, let’s clear up “Red flags”. They are not your intuition. They are a person’s behaviours/actions that you refuse to tolerate in a relationship. These are non-negotiable.
Another non-negotiable is when your “creep radar” goes off. Women have a special intuitive ability to detect a creep instantly. This is your intuition sounding off alarm bells to tell you to run. Run fast. Run far. Listen to it because you are picking up on something that is in your best interests to avoid.
The loud “no” of red flags and creep radar are obvious. Your intuition is quieter and may send a ‘low no’. You may have experienced this. You met someone for the first time. He seemed nice enough and had a lot of good qualities. Something inside you quietly said, “no”. Most women have been raised to be nice and doubt our opinions. We often ignore the low no because there is no concrete reason for it. You went on to date that person. Each date was fine but you still felt the low no. You may have continued dating this person because you really wanted someone; you thought that he would grow on you; or it was better than having nobody. Whatever the reason, it eventually ended. The low no does not mean that he is a bad person. It means that he is not right for you. Pay attention and you will save yourself time, energy and frustration. It is up to you how long you want to date someone with a low no whispering to you.
There are times when that initial “no” is born out of your bad mood, busy day or low self-esteem. Make sure you are aware of this. If this is the case, meet up again to be sure.
Try this activity to learn how to tune into the low no before it turns into a “NOOOO”. Imagine sitting at a table at your favorite restaurant. You can hear the murmur of the crowd. There is music quietly playing. You are having a great conversation with one of your best friends. You can smell food cooking. The server arrives and puts a bowl of vomit in front of you. It is warm and chunky with striations of mucous. See it. Smell it. Now taste it. How does your body feel? Did your throat tighten? Your stomach flip flop? Face wince? Big toe ache? Notice how your body reacted and your mind said, “gross” or “eww”. Your extreme negative reaction is comparable to your creep radar. My apologies for being so graphic.
Do the same visualization but use your favourite, most sinfully delicious food. How does your body feel now? What is your mind saying? Notice all of your different sensations and words. This is not meant to show you how your forever person may make you feel but it is close.
These are the extremes. Repeat this visualization with foods that fall in between those extremes. Notice how the feelings and thoughts are different and more subtle. These are the foods you need to get skilled at sensing. You can use the actual foods if you have difficulty visualizing. This will help you tune into your intuition when meeting someone. Your body will react in a similar way as it did with the food.
You do not need to meet someone in person to tune into their vibe and know if he is worth meeting in person. Pay attention to the subtle reactions in your body and mind when you are swiping through pictures on dating apps. Make sure the photo shows his full face without a hat or sunglasses. If the person makes fireworks go off, he is probably not your forever person. If he sets off your creep radar then he is definitely not your person. It is a sense of calm in your mind and body; a subtle sense of intrigue to know him better; and that good food feeling that is what you are looking for.
A fun activity to do with photos is to do a blind feelings test. Print out photos of a few of the men you are considering. Keep it under 5. Turn them upside down and mix them up. One at a time, without looking at the pic, focus on it; put your hand on it; or hold it and see how you feel. Don’t think of who is in the picture. Think about how you are feeling? Do you immediately know things about him? What names, words, pictures and even scents come to mind? Write these on the back of the photo. Write numbers on them with 1 being your first choice.
Turn the photos face up. Repeat the exercise. How does what you sense compare to when you didn’t see his face? Which photos create the same reactions upside down and face side up? Notice all of your thoughts and feelings. You can put everything together to help you make a decision as to whether to meet him in person or not.
When you do meet someone in person, check in with your intuition when you first meet; during your meeting; and afterwards. You may want to create two or three questions for your intuition ahead of time. Some suggestions are: How do I feel right now? What are three words to describe him at this moment? What do I need to know about him? Ask and answer the questions quickly without detracting from your interaction with him.
Your intuition knows how to sense your never and your forever person. Your gut instinct can help you to find him. Combine it with common sense and you are on your way to meeting the love of your life.