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Confidence is a Fickle Friend

The common ups and downs of our confidence levels

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There are some recognizable signs that indicate a drop in your confidence

One day you’re on top of the world, oozing with confidence and owning the room. Next thing you know, you feel small and meek. What is going on? Relax, it’s a common thing to experience winds of change when talking about confidence. Depending on what stage of life you’re in, it can vary widely.

Confidence in yourself can come in many forms, and reveal itself in different ways. It’s good to be clear on the many facets, so you can work through whatever the hurdles are, or get a life coach to help you identify exactly what’s going on. Generally speaking, self-confidence is best defined as self-belief, or the idea of being secure in your abilities to complete tasks and interact with others.

Self-esteem is slightly different and has more to do with how you value yourself in comparison to others. It is closely aligned with how you see yourself, and when you are in short supply, it can manifest itself in feelings of inadequacy and a desire to remove yourself from social settings and isolate yourself.

The idea of how you actually view yourself is how confidence impacts your self-image. It is primarily about your physical self, and it can create feelings of being good or bad in times of solitude, or when you are with others. It affects the way you actually see or present yourself to the outside world. 

If you are lacking overall confidence, there are some tell tale signs to look out for.

  • Uneasiness
  • Uncertainty of your goals or who you are/your purpose
  • Lacking direction
  • Feeling worthless
  • Negative thoughts about yourself or your abilities

Life coaches, especially those specializing in confidence coaching can help unravel the source of these feelings and guide you to a new way of thinking. Here are some parts of that framework:

Journal with intention the things that are good, and that you are grateful for

This has become very overused as of late, and that being the case, it’s impact may be diminished. It is proven, however, if done consistently, that it can slowly begin to create a new pattern of how you view your life. Thinking and reminding yourself daily  of what is good, why you are unique, and the many things in your life that are precious, can actually start you off on a very positive note, and drastically impact your day.

Accept that things can, and may, go wrong

While we never want to live our lives thinking of the worst, being prepared for anything is a different thing altogether. You should expect good things, but also know that as life goes, we often get thrown curve balls, and it’s usually when we least want or expect them, so just be ready for that. A reasonable expectation of how things will turn out is safe, and should they go either off the rails or exceptionally well, you’ll be in a good place to adapt.

Walk that walk

They say that what your mind thinks, your body feels. Let that sink in. What your mind thinks, your body feels. That really illustrates the power of the mind. If you need proof, just think of how a sad movie or commercial can get those tears coming. Conversely, your body language can directly impact your feelings. If you “boom-baby” into a room, you just decided that you are going to own that situation-your body just said so. As your body does, your mindset will follow. Positive, high feeling body language can override any small, cowering style you may have fallen into as a habit. That is why “holding your head up high” is often touted when it is important to lift yourself to a higher place in an important situation.

Stay away from negative or defeating people or places, even if just for a while

While not easy, it’s doable and necessary. Some times more than others. You don’t need to pack up and move or quit your job, but you’ll know when the impact of negativity is suffocating your light. That’s when it’s time to step away for a few minutes, or even a few days. It’s important to the skill of recentering, and you should not see it as a negative to want to give yourself some “you time”. We need it as much as we need air, at times, and denying it to yourself can deeply root those negative vibes. Do yourself a favor and step away for a bit.

Educate yourself about the situation

Being prepared involves the idea of thinking that anything could actually happen. So, if you are going to do something that has set you into a tailspin of self-doubt, you would be well served to think of both outcomes to give yourself some true perspective. Imagine that everything goes well, and there you are basking in a wonderful feeling of accomplishment. That’s a great feeling. However, imagine it doesn’t go  like you had anticipated, you can also imagine that scenario with the mindset of what’s the worst thing that could happen if that happens? More than likely, it’s not the end of the world. And even if it results in a situation that you were trying to avoid, you will have learned something from it, and it has prepared you for the next time. Just by balancing the two outcomes and being prepared for either, sets you up to better handle either reality.

As with parts of our body, confidence is a muscle. It needs to be worked out daily, with small incremental challenges that may be uncomfortable, until they no longer are. Our confidence is definitely better or worse at different times in our lives, or in the various areas of our life. Some areas give us joy and overwhelming confidence because we are in our element, while other times we feel like our 5 year old, looking-down-at-our-shoes, self. That isn’t unusual. But if you have few or no areas that give you that highly joyful feeling of confidence, you need to work that muscle with some of the tactics mentioned here. 

There are some very effective techniques that a coach can use to help you as well, and if you are the type that needs an accountability partner, it’s a great way to go. 

Just don’t be so hard on yourself. Remember, that no one wakes up in the morning thinking about YOU. Everyone is all up in their own head, dealing with their own daily tasks, thoughts, and issues. 

Confidence work is private work that can pay off in all aspects of your life. It is definitely something to put your focus on. Flex and work that muscle, and watch it change everything. 

If you’re considering a confidence coach, and are interested in how to flex that confidence muscle, you can learn more at Designed Life Coaching here.

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