Choosing Faith over Fear

What happened when I stepped into a new life

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I sat sobbing to my therapist about how I hated every aspect of my life. I was tired of the two hour commute to my job, my young son had too much time on his hands, my daughter wasn’t watching him well, and the neighborhood I was raising my kids in was less than desirable- we had a drug dealer across the street and lots of buildings in the area that my curious young son could explore. One day while I was driving home from work, a police office called because my 10 year old son had been caught in an old school house. His “hunting for treasure” was considered trespassing by local authorities and they were threatening to give him a ticket, and make him appear in juvenile court. I knew we needed change but as a single mother with two kids that was easier said than done. The housing market was so bad I couldn’t even sell my house for what I owed. My job was an hour away but it was secure, with good pay and health insurance. But still, God was tugging at my heart to change our circumstances and His whisper kept growing louder and louder until all I could do was obey.

One day I gave my two week notice on a whim and I instantly felt relief, but also terror. I had no plan, no job or new prospects even. My main thought was my son and how I needed to get him out of our neighborhood. I had grown up in the country and also longed to see him climb trees and play far away from the abandoned buildings and street wise kids. I realized I also needed that peace in my life, and maybe changing our surroundings would calm my anxiety which was a constant companion.

My son, Spencer, had a love for wrestling, something he had been doing since 2nd grade, but his school wasn’t very good and the opportunities were slim. I started looking at low cost houses to buy and found a foreclosure in a school district with an amazing wrestling team. I put an offer in for $17,000 and it got approved. Everything started becoming real at that point. In addition, I was offered a job I hadn’t even apply for, which was an answer to prayer. I still had an hour commute, but it was part time and would allow me to be home by supper time each night. Eventually I picked up another part time job which allowed me to work from home.

Within a few short months, every part of our lives were different! We lived in a new house in a blinking light town, where we had only a Post Office, a fire station and two churches. I was working part time which hadn’t happened since I was in college! My son had a new school, a new wrestling team and was building new friendships with kids that had goals. My anxiety decreased, my joy increased. It all fell into place, like a stair case being built as I walked up each step. I couldn’t have ordered the pieces any better myself, which of course I didn’t. God was just waiting for me to take a step so He could put it all into place.

My son went on to take three state championships with his new wrestling team and became #5 in the state of Michigan individually. I became that crazy wrestling mom screaming at his matches. I witnessed him march around professional stadiums and the photo when he won his final match to take #5 was just as precious as if he had taken first.

I understand how difficult embracing uncertainty is. I had no clue whether things would be disastrous or end up okay. But one thing I did know was if I stayed in the same place, I would be miserable, and have major regrets. I couldn’t go back and redo my son’s childhood, so I jumped into uncertainty and just closed my eyes and prayed there was a soft landing. And there was.

If you hear a whisper or feel a tug, take some time to tune in and listen. I also recommend journaling to discover what your heart desires. And I’m talking about your biggest dreams, your deepest desires, no matter how crazy they seem. Expect miracles, and be open and ready for things to fall into place. “Follow your instincts. That’s where true wisdom manifests itself.”~ Oprah Winfrey


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