Checking-in on what you’re worth

A true story about taking the call and having the conversation

In 1999, I was the Director of Organizational Development at Yale. I had only been there for six-months, when I was recruited by another Ivy League school for the same position.

I’m a Yale School of Management graduate, and I met my husband at the time at the Yale graduate student bar and social center. My son was born at Yale New Haven Hospital, and I had been living in New Haven, Conn. since 1984. I had deep roots in New Haven. More importantly, I loved my new job and I had one of the best bosses I had ever had in my career — the head of HR for Yale.

The job’s purpose and potential mattered a great deal to me philosophically. I cared about Yale, and I cared about making it a better place for people who worked there.

Given all these reasons to be at Yale, I declined the offer to interview at the other institution.

Over dinner, shortly after declining the offer, my husband said to me, “You’re going to speak to your boss, right?” I said, “Why?”

“For two reasons,” he said. “One — the Ivy League community is small. Secondly — you should ask for a raise.”

It had not occurred to me to parlay the recruitment attempt into more pay and it felt like a mild sort of blackmail or threat, but I saw my husband’s point and knew that a man would probably not hesitate to do so. It still didn’t feel quite right but I did go to my boss.

I told him about the offer to interview and told him that I already declined it, and I was not looking for anything from Yale. I just wanted him to know that the other school had reached out to me in case he encountered someone from there who might mention it to him. Without skipping a beat, my boss responded, “I’m increasing your pay.”

I have used the insights from this scenario throughout my career when I coach executive women. It’s not about “blackmail” or threats; it’s recognizing that the market values your talents and is willing to pay you more than what you’re making. It’s information that you might be underpaid. Sometimes, it’s an opportunity to ask for a change in title or a change in breadth of responsibility; it’s not always about the money.

But it is a cue to have a conversation with your boss, no matter what.

The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres. We publish pieces written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Learn more or join us as a community member!
Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

Thrive Global
People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.


We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.