Caught up in Chaos, Engaged in Rage…

Triggered, Healing With it Through my Pen.

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keren stanley on IG: used with permission

Charred heart pieces quiver, a slow burn spread around

Suddenly all the rage I thought was gone is found

My inner calm ripped open, exposing a forgotten burial ground

Completely disconnected yet contractually connected

Co-parenting bound

With the ties, our children anchor us around

My freedom taken down

With your words that slit so deep seeping dripping blood from your propound

My rationale suddenly drowned

Can’t stand giving you this much power

I was so high until I fell into this depressing shower

Chaotic waste

Infecting my safe space

Inflicting re-accruing wounds in my zen place

Can’t come up for air

Flailing in this despair

I’ll crawl around

Once again picking up my pieces from the ground

Your bark hurts like hell but is weak

It comes from your victim space where you live deep..

Stuck in shame

Pain is all you seek in yourself

Anger causes your revenge to strike

But lack of your own self-love

Is what I really dislike

I wish you cared

I wish you were not so scared

I wish you held your head high

I wish you could look in the mirror and smile

I wish you had a job for a while

I wish you would wash your fucking car

I wish you would allow light to enter you through your scars

You don’t have to live in black

I wish you hung your victimhood up on a rack

And shared your story

Emerging in glory

Leading by example for our children

Beaming positive self-esteem and knowing your worth

Re-writing your family’s narrative

Going through your own re-birth

I wish all of that for you

And pray and beam your light to engulf and accrue

In all the dark crevices that you knew

Ready to live again

Ready to rise when

You shed the heavy weight

I wish there was no more wait

But in the meantime you caused me to revisit my rage

Years after I thought I had turned the page

I’ll rise again for there Is no shelf space

For rage and hate

In my room

I’ll breathe again soon

Rage cannot stay

It holds me back from my play

I shed my tears

Chaos cannot stay


Breathing in

I start this moment fresh again

Exhaling the chaos

Remembering whose boss

I leaned into that hell

Washing over me the feels that swelled

But this morning I ring the bell

Time’s up

The weight is over

Turning a corner

Leaving this mess behind

I hope you find

Peace too

This is the calm I wish you knew

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