And one day it happened.
I didn’t see it coming. It was subtle. It was gradual. And yet, it looks as if our friendship has settled into being ‘catch up friends.’
As busy as we all are, I believe it’s the friendships in our lives that hold us together. This was true for me.
When I was younger I decided to travel extensively. While people were creating and building their friendships early on in life, I was travelling from Country to Country making it very difficult to forge close and lasting relationships.
Quietly, I longed to have the kind of friendships that Carrie Bradshaw had with her gal pals in the series Sex In The City. The reality simply wasn’t the case. Neither was my hope that these friends would be set in New York City. So when my close friend decided that we were going to settle within the; “I’m happy to catch up” zone, well, I was hurt.
What went through my mind was, no longer were we going to be in ‘real time.’ We were always going to be after the fact, sharing only the highlights. And then, a kind of emptiness came over me. A sadness.
How we arrived at this, I’m not quite sure and yet I hadn’t heard from her for a while, although we both live in the same city. We’re busy, I get it. I messaged her saying that I felt we had become distant. She messaged back saying we were moving in different directions (nah we weren’t) and that she would be happy to meet and catch up. THAT’S when I realized she wasn’t really interested in maintaining our close friendship.
I should have seen it coming as she tended to compartmentalized friendships. In the 15 years that we’ve been friends, she rarely invited me to participate in things that she was doing with her other gal pals. On occasion I did meet a couple of her friends, and we had a blast. However, she always seemed to want to be the go-between me and her other friends.
We haven’t had the hard conversation yet as to why this really transpired. She’s been washing this over with short yet cold text messages. It’s hard though to read tone. I’m overly sensitive at this point. I’m not entirely sure as to whether we will have the conversation unless I decide to bring it up. In fact, I’m sure of it.
So, where does this leave us? Me feeling really lousy, and her moving on in her carefree way. It feels like an ‘easy come, easy go’ for her. I really have no idea unless we talk about it. I also realize that I have no control over other people.
What I do know is that friendships are important. The right friendships. The ones that lift you up and help you to rise.
Catch up friendships may work for others, and yet it just feels too arms-length and non-vested for me. I believe that true friends invest in true feelings.