We can learn several things from Deified written by Bhanu Srivastav, Self-Respect is one of the most important aspect of life. Deified is a story of a girl who is lost in the world’s biased for a married girl and a boy.
The 5 stages to the realization that self-respect and YOU come first in every situation in your life. The story of the novel revolves around the journey of a woman and her self-realization of the emotionally and physically abusive relationship that she was enduring for years.
The five stages listed down in this article will help stimulate the process of thinking in identifying what you are enduring in order to make things work around and why it shouldn’t normalize compromise on yourself and disciplines.
Emotionally abusive relationships:
We tend to overlook the red flags in a relationship when we are in love. We get so focused on making it work that we stop the train of thought that allows us to consider these red flags that are there from the time we start investing in an emotionally draining and abusive relationship. We try to normalize and justify their actions, their rude and unapologetic behaviors, and associate these toxic behaviors with factors of stress, possessiveness, and a one-time behavior. The only problem is that this one-time behavior becomes a thing over the time period and we are trapped by that time. It is important to consciously make yourself aware that this isn’t normal and shouldn’t be endured. Someone’s love shouldn’t come at the cost of your mental peace and self-respect.
It is paramount for our mental health and peace that we set healthy boundaries in relationships. Relationships should be based on respect, compassion, and an equal give and take. If they are constantly jeopardizing your mental peace and are torture more than peace then those should end. It can be hard to set and work on these boundaries because they will ask you to look into deeply ingrained concepts and rectifying your own behaviors. It will be a process of consciously admitting the do’s and don’ts and what doesn’t serve you shouldn’t be in your life.
Patriarchal beliefs and conditioning:
The patriarchal system thrives on our conditioning and as women, we are conditioned from our childhood to feel guilt we allow ourselves to think for ourselves. We will have to actively look for these patriarchal beliefs and disregard them with acquiring knowledge of how these are the beliefs that are ingrained in us to enslave us to the system. These might come across as uncomfortable initially as we put faith in these beliefs from childhood and that is okay. The uncomfortable will prove that we are on the right track and will lead us on the path of self-discovery.
As women who are taught to be compassionate towards others, make room for everyone, and put everyone before us and saying no to this belief and replacing it with the healthy concept of “self-love” should be the first step in our journey. We should always choose ourselves first in any situation and I know this sounds easy in theory but it can be the hardest thing you are asked to do in your life. The patriarchal system has long flourished by putting women in doubt and how if they don’t have a man’s love in their life then they are incomplete. The majority of the women endure abuse because they are scared of letting go of a man and his love and that is problematic. You shouldn’t stay in a relationship just because you are made to believe how essential a man’s love is in your life. Love yourself, respect yourself and be happy within yourself, and only then you would be able to attract someone who would do the same.
No is an answer:
Women shouldn’t be afraid of saying NO to someone when they don’t want something. A woman who knows what she wants isn’t a woman that should be despised but a woman that should be looked up to. If society calls her rebellious, wrong, and other words then that shouldn’t discourage other women from doing the same because people shouldn’t define who you are. You should define who you are and what you want. There shouldn’t be any ifs and buts to this.