Dear Next Chick Who Dares to Date Me,
I must warn you, you are about to get into something that is unhealthy. It will appear healthy at first. I will tell you that you are beautiful, that I am patient, that I am a Christian and that I am willing to do the work for the relationship. I will pay for the first couple of dates, just to hook you a little more. I will even meet you at church. I will further play with your emotions and ask you what you thought about the sermon. I will act interested and look into your eyes when you talk, in order to seal the deal even more. I will tell you that I have been hurt too. I will tell you about how I tried so hard in past relationships and how my heart was broken. I will tell you that I can relate to you. You will tell me that you have been hurt before so bad that it caused you to question even trying to get into another relationship. I will tell you that I will never hurt you. I will make you feel safe.
You will fall for me. And just as you are letting your guard down and have feelings for me, everything will change. I will slowly stop paying for things that my money should be handling. When you call me, I will not answer. I will call back several hours later and tell you that I have plans with friends. I will tell you that we can make plans for the weekend, however, when the weekend comes I will only give two hours of my time, maybe three if you are lucky. You will text message me. I will see your name and ignore it for a bit, as you are not my priority. Then after lusting after half naked women on social media, I will send you a text saying that I miss you too, just to throw you a bone. Because I have not given you what you needed for a while now, you will cling to my halfhearted responses.
I will continue this behavior for a bit, until you cannot hold back anymore and you tell me how underappreciated you feel. I will hold you close and I will look you in the eyes and I will tell you that I will be better. I will tell you how I was selfish and how I am taking responsibility for my actions. I will be very convincing. You will believe me. I will be better for a few days in order to keep you there.
Keep in mind, I am not keeping you because you mean so much to me or because I love you… Rather there are still perks for me in being with you. I am still able to get you to pay for things even when I don’t pay you back and you are still willing to do favors for me. Because you have genuine feelings for me, I can pretty much make you do whatever I want you to do.
I know this will not last forever, as you will grow tired of the feelings of uneasiness. You will grow tired of wondering if I care. You will grow tired of trying to get any type of validation from me. I will know that the end is coming when you get silent. I know the silence is the calm before the storm. I know that you want me to do something drastic to show you that I care. You will wait for it, but it won’t happen. I will push you to your limit.
You will try to contact me. You will tell me that you want to talk and will tell me that you are not happy. I will not respond. You will get anxious. You will feel yourself lose control. You will wonder why I have not made an effort to respond. You will hate yourself for sending me text message after text message with no response. Eventually you will call me. Your emotions have taken over at this time. You will come off as obsessive and crazy because I still will not answer. You are not crazy, but I will make you think you are crazy when you keep calling and do not get a response. Your anxiety will be at an all-time high.
After a long period of silence, I will send you a message, you will leap to your phone and almost feel the relief you wanted so bad until you read what I wrote, “You are exhausting. I am out. Best wishes.” You will try to call me. Although it is reasonable to expect a closing conversation, you will not get that from me. You will try in vain to get in contact with me. I will eventually block you. You will blame yourself. You will wonder what you did wrong.
You will replay the last conversations we had in your head. You will reread the last few text messages. You will not get the answers you need. The reason you will not get the answers you need is because I am a con artist. I will take whatever I can from you. When I feel like you are no longer worth my time, I will treat you as if you never existed and find the next girl who is foolish enough to date me.
Your Next Dysfunctional Boyfriend
P.S. The reason I chose you is because I know that you have a lot going for you, but I also see that you are unsure of yourself. Because you are unsure of yourself, you will try to find stability in inconsiderate, unhealthy men, such as myself. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. I know you believe that I have the potential to be a good man, and you might be right, but as of right now I am not good enough for you. If you want to be happy, quit accepting men like myself that will continue to take you for granted. Work on making my breed an endangered species. In this day and age, true gentlemen are an endangered species and that is just wrong. Demand more for yourself, no more excuses.