Belkis Clarke-Mitcham: “Let’s talk about what we feed our minds”

I spend alone time — In my alone time, I tend to focus on my needs or do things I want to do. When I ask my husband to take my daughter out so I can have time to take a long relaxing bath, sip on some wine and read a book, I am reminding myself that […]

Thrive Global invites voices from many spheres to share their perspectives on our Community platform. Community stories are not commissioned by our editorial team, and opinions expressed by Community contributors do not reflect the opinions of Thrive Global or its employees. More information on our Community guidelines is available here.

I spend alone time — In my alone time, I tend to focus on my needs or do things I want to do. When I ask my husband to take my daughter out so I can have time to take a long relaxing bath, sip on some wine and read a book, I am reminding myself that the things I love to do just for me are important and that I deserve to have my pleasures without guilt.

As a part of my series about “Learning To Finally Love Yourself”, I had the pleasure to interview Belkis Clarke-Mitcham a Motivational Teacher and Transformational life coach who helps women over 25 who have lived through trauma to identify their prisons, break free, and unleash their unique light. A survivor of sexual abuse, Belkis has risen from a place of attempted suicide to success. For more than a decade, she has been captivating, inspiring, motivating and teaching audiences across the globe, including survivors of sexual abuse and trauma, how to uncover their truth, identify their innate value and map their purpose as they journey to legendary transformation.

Belkis is the CEO of the Phoenix Life Society that features the Phoenix Life Academy. The online space offers insight, support and the know-how on finding purpose, discovering what you burn for and living a phoenix life where participants learn how to rise from the ashes of trauma, disappointments, pain, heartbreak, betrayal, fear, and live the life they dream of and deserve.

Belkis holds a bachelor’s in English with a minor in Communication and an M. A. in Human Communication. Belkis worked as a journalist for over twelve years and has taught at every level from pre-school to university. Covering mostly human-interest stories and spending one-quarter of class time motivating students, Belkis recognized that her life’s calling was Transformational Motivational Teaching. She made the switch to remind people of their value, let them know there is hope and show them how to rise and keep rising.

Belkis has spent more than a decade teaching and coaching suicidal and depressed teens and adults, She has been teaching men and women how to get back on their feet after my divorce, heartbreaks, disappointments, and trauma and live a life they are happy to step into every day. Belkis has co-authored “Tying the Knot Between Ministry and the Market Place, Volume 2) and is an ambassador for Mission 22.

Her writing has been featured on the international Red Cross website, local media in the Dutch Antilles, Thrive global and has been on several podcasts such as She’s Making an Impact, The Pitchtank, and The Authentic Courage series, among others. She is a co-author of the anthology Tying the Knot Between Ministry and the Marketplace Volume 2. The ultimate Caribbean girl, you can contact her via her website

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

Where do I start? I have done more than survive childhood sexual abuse and incest, I transformed and thrived. I have been molested, had sex forced on me by teachers and inappropriately propositioned by pastors. I have had persons in leadership positions prey on my vulnerabilities and left me feeling like garbage. Consequently, I was suicidal and depressed. I was 15 when I first tried to commit suicide and on my 16th birthday walked out of the hospital disappointed that I was not dead.

I have lived disconnected from my feelings, existing in a numb state, not knowing what it was like to feel happy though I understood what the word meant. My experiences created numbness in me that left me operating like a robot. I lived as a self outside myself trying to survive, hoping for happiness, longing for acceptance and relevance. As I got older, I remembered what it was like to feel hopeless, to feel as if I was worth nothing, struggling to find some purpose that would give my life and my relevance, longing to be acknowledged and dying for someone to show me that I am valuable and worthy of love regardless of what I had been through.

Moreover, as I went through my stages of transformation, to a life where I now know my value, understand my purpose, and can stand in my truth, I remembered and felt a fire burn in me to help others come to a similar place. I did not want others to live hopelessly or die broken, dissatisfied and unfulfilled, feeling as if they are worth nothing or almost nothing and cannot get the love and acceptance they deserve. I longed for others to know that they genuinely did not have to settle for being treated less than; they did not deserve it. I wanted them to know they could have the relationships, family, careers, and happiness of which they dreamed. I wanted others to have hope, and I wanted to help then find out where their hope lies. I wanted to see people genuinely come alive. Not live life pretending or struggling to live up to other person’s ideas, standards and limitations. When we come alive, as individuals, it creates dynamic vibrations in our spaces that no one else can produce. When we are alive our environment comes alive, our families and friends are infused and changed as a result. When we truly tap into our truth, we transform our spaces for the best. I longed for others to know this and live it.

I wanted others to know, that they could shed the heaviness, sadness, disappointments, and heartbreak and truly live. I burned with a desire for others to know that happiness is for them as well. Also, I started to learn how to accomplish all of this. I noted the processes I had been through, I started helping in youth groups and then began assisting women. I volunteered, attended seminars and read widely.

I always had a gift for speaking it seems, though I did not want to embrace it for years. I also had a knack for teaching, so my gifts and my desire combined and created a pull, a fire in me that I could not escape. Eventually, I gave in, and I watched myself come alive. I had found my method for reaching the people I wanted to touch. I grew into a Motivational Teacher.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

Yes, I am. I am about to launch Phoenix life Academy. The aim is to help individuals live their phoenix life. That is a life where they rise from the ashes of broken relationships, trauma, disappointments, failed careers and what may be poor educational choices. If there is a place where there has been pain, disappointments, and brokenness you can rise and rediscover what lights a fire in you. We break down the various areas of life that are most important to an individual, and through targeted exercises and teachings we help them to try to uncover what is true to them, how they can achieve what they want in that area of their life and how they can live in their truth. We help them to rediscover their fire, and passion and rediscover what they burn for, for a candle that is unlit is not serving its purpose.

I know it will help individuals on their path to self-understanding because the entire program is about self-understanding and how to apply that understanding. I have developed a curriculum built on five tiers. The aim is to get to the truth of who we are. Generally, people go into relationships with a vague sense of who they are and what they want. Many times, they enter these relationships with other people’s idea of happiness and success. My program is designed to help persons uncover their real desires, see who they truly are and help them discover what is already in them, so they have a fair chance of the quality of relationships they deserve. We get naked in this course, figuratively that is. Because until we can see our naked selves, then face that self, become familiar with that self, and love self, we have not begun to know what that self truly needs. That means that we are feeding the masks we have and so the people we get into relationships are also catering to the masks we present. Consequently, we are disappointed and dissatisfied because the needs of who we truly are, aren’t being met.

My academy is designed to help individuals meet themselves and get that self to stand up, step forward and identify what they burn for in various areas of their lives. Then we look at how they can identify their needs and formulate a plan to meet those needs. All these are what is possible with application and dedication. The results will be highly dependent on the individual, and so we offer continued support.

A person should not enter a relationship unaware of what is true for them, unaware of what it takes for them to truly be happy in that space and expect to find it. If a person does not know the truth of what they need, then they can find the best partner and still be miserable, or they may continue to connect to persons who make contributions to their misery. We also teach individuals how to communicate their needs in healthy ways. We present tools and teachings, and our clients must decide what they want to do with those tools. However, we offer great lessons and amazing tools.

Additionally, I am launching my Program a “Passion for you” that breaks down and offers practical insight on how we can learn to love ourselves.

Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love? Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self-acceptance?

I can share a million stories, but here is one that comes to mind. My battle with self-love was back and forth, up and down before it evened out into a strong sense of self and love for that self. Often, I would read a book or quote that inspired me, and I would start doing the things I knew to be true to me and then abandon them along the way. I did this repeatedly. Why? Usually to please someone else and most frequently to please a guy I was seeing. I changed churches for a guy, had sex when I did not want to, given up activities that I truly loved, and gained a ridiculous amount of weight because I could not say no to a guy’s suggestions. I have worn clothes, and underwear I hated because the guy wanted me to, neglected family and friends when he said they did not like him and the list can go on. Why? I did not know myself, and I wanted to be loved and accepted. So, I became all these persons that others needed to me. I thought that it would bring love and acceptance and that love and approval from the other person would lead to happiness. I became more confused because I could not be any of these persons well enough and I was still miserable and depressed.

However, I digress. After years of emotional, physical and sexual abuse, I was living on an island where I had no family and friends, and I was facing divorce. I got mad. Mad at myself for the wasted years, angry for all the pretense, exasperated that I was so confused about who I am. I was furious and disappointed in myself. So for a while, I went into default mode. The default mode is the programming we go back to when life falls apart. It is our learned behaviors to which we subconsciously resort. For most of us, it is not positive programming. For me, it was to detach from my conscious thoughts and feelings about what was happening. It was the space where I went numb and did not want to make any decision but would do whatever others asked. Dangerous, I know.

It was a space where I wallowed in self-pity. It was my suicidal space. One night, I sat outside under the blanket of a million stars that decorated the beautiful Caribbean sky, listening to the ocean and the sound of my sobbing. I sat contemplating suicide when a thought forced its way into my consciousness. It was the thought that someone already died for humans; therefore, I did not need to. Coming from a strong Christian background, I immediately grasped the significance of this thought. That was a light going on. I saw flashes of who I had been and who I wanted to be. They were not the same person. I wept for the childhood I would never have, cried for the decisions I’d made trying to find love and prove I was valuable and worthy. I wept for the pain I had endured. Then when I was done crying, I decided first to figure out who I truly was, what I thought of myself and how I could love myself. It was a journey. It still is. Everyone has an idea of the person they want you to be or think you should be. You must fight that and fight all the stories you are told about who you are and stay focused on the picture of whom you know you are. Self-acceptance is to see the good, bad and best of you every day, at every stage in life and to love that person. Not making excuses for, not belittling or falsely decorating your image but truly seeing yourself, understanding what has contributed to that self and loving that self because you are worthy and there is value there. Moreover, you do that every day, at every stage of your life.

According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?

I can mention a hundred and one responses but let me give a few.

1. The language we use- Language is foundational to shaping values, perceptions, and concepts. However, for most persons, there are terms, phrases, sentences that we repeat over and over that subconsciously influence and shape how we see and appreciate ourselves. For example, persons may repeatedly hear and ultimately say, “she has long beautiful hair.” Immediately we are sending a message that long hair is beautiful and is an acceptable standard for beauty. If there is no thought to contradict that line of thinking, then long hair becomes a set standard for beauty. Eventually, that is what we strive for, and anything short of that is less acceptable, and we become dissatisfied with all that is less acceptable. Therefore, if family members, romantic partners or close friends are often using specific language to approve a particular look, size, etc. and we do not fit that picture, we feel as if something is wrong with our look and that we need to change it. Ultimately, we spend a lifetime being unhappy with perfectly good looks, a beautiful body shape, and remarkable attributes. We are blind to them because we can only see the forever shifting and elusive standards of beauty that others say are acceptable and we do not meet the criteria. Many persons end up hurting themselves in the process and miss many opportunities to be happy because they are so focused on hiding themselves, believing themselves to be unacceptable.

2. The need for acceptance — We all want to fit in. Whether it be with our family circles, social circles or work circles, we are all looking for approval on some level. Consequently, we observe others who are part of this group by which we want to be accepted. We pay attention to what they say about beauty, how they look, and we start to emulate. Why? Emulation is how we gain the acceptance we desire. We must look the part, because in most cases before people can know us, they will observe our appearance. Therefore, we figure if we can look at the part we will be accepted. Consequently, we are not satisfied with ourselves if how we look do not conform with the group we wish to have accepted us. Eventually, we lose sight of our truth entirely because we are busy being everyone else. That is the perfect recipe for unhappiness and for making decisions that feed that unhappiness.

3. Additionally, we have societal standards of acceptance and dare us to walk outside those ideals. For example, most persons when they see a heavyset person, think “lazy” or “need to go to the gym,” but a thin person rarely would have these thoughts attached to them. Furthermore, when a slender person wears a navel showing halter top in public most stare in admiration or act as if it is ok and acceptable. Let a lady with a tummy roll or two try the same thing; she becomes a viral video meme, the laughing stock. Why? Not because she was funny, but because society decided that only women of a certain size can wear certain types of clothes, or project certain images. According to societal expectations, if you want to be accepted you do not fall in that category, you should do everything under the sun until you fit that standard. So, people struggle with the way they look, hoping for acceptance and looking for a little bit of admiration to help boost the ego and validate themselves. When that is not forthcoming, they become dissatisfied with how they look. This dissatisfaction seeps into other areas of their lives and leaves them doubting themselves in many areas.

4. Let’s talk about what we feed our minds. Look at what’s acceptable via movies, magazines, billboards, advertisements, and the list goes on. Take a close look at the images that are presented repeatedly. There is a theory called the Agenda Setting theory that describes the influence of mass media on our choices. Every day we see its evidence at play. Men are lean and muscular, and women are thin with no evidence of fat. With the repeated portrayal of these images, subconsciously it sets a standard for what men and women think they ought to aspire to and when they can’t achieve these standards, they become dissatisfied. Some people die trying to fit these projected images.

However, as I mentioned, the reasons are varied and vast.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

It might sound cheesy, but it is undeniably critical. An inability to love and accept yourself sets a precedent for the quality of life one lives. Loving ourselves boosts our self-confidence. If we aren’t confident, we do not feel worthy of relationships that are best for us and may look to reject or sabotage them. We may accept treatment from friends, family and significant others that are less than we deserve. When we do not love ourselves, we may not pursue the things we want and need in life. Ultimately, we find ourselves with unachieved goals, careers we hate, and we are unhappy or living in the “just surviving zone” having to convince ourselves that what we should be satisfied with whatever crumbs we gather from life’s table. Living in a state where we must forcibly persuade ourselves that we are happy when we aren’t can lead to emotional and mental issues. Learning to understand and love yourself, boosts self-confidence, helps to build better problem-solving skills, leads to better choices and ultimately to being happier.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

Wow. There are so many reasons people have told me they stay in mediocre relationships.

1. They are afraid of being alone.

2. They feel as if they have invested too much or accepted too much to leave.

3. They think it is what they deserve.

4. That mediocre relationship, though unsatisfying, is more than they have ever had or better than what others around them have and so they convince themselves to stay even though they desire more, deserve more.

5. Fear

6. Finances or social status.

7. It is what they have always known.

8. They are ashamed. They feel as if they failed and they feel ashamed.

I can go on and on listing reasons, but we will be reading for a very long time. My advice to persons in a relationship that they feel is giving less than they deserve is that it is ok to start over. The death you die by staying in such a space is worst than the obstacles you may face starting over. You will never know what better you can have if you are too tied up with less than the best. We often think of worst-case scenarios, but how do we know that the worst-case scenario will happen and not the best-case scenario. You deserve your best-case scenario, and you will not have it if you remain entangled in a mediocre relationship. Cliché as it may sound, you honestly have only one life, it does not matter how much of it you have spent already, you deserve to enjoy the kind of life you envision with your remaining years or at least pursue it until you expire. In the pursuit of your best and happiest life, be in your moments. You will realize that the experiences you have will add up to more value than you would have had, had you clung to mediocre or less than relationships. Take a chance on yourself, and get your best. Life is too short to live in a space of less than.

When we talk about self-love and understanding, we don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but for our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?

1. Are the choices I have made evidence of me loving myself?

2. Was I selfish or overly self-sacrificing?

3. How do I know that I love myself?

4. Where did I get my idea of how to love myself?

5. What does self-love look like to me? Not what I have been told or seen, but what do I need to do or what must be evident for me to know I genuinely love myself?

6. Is my idea of self-love only a reproduction of what I have seen?

7. Who am I (not professional title), why am I living this particular life and what do I want and need? We can’t live whom we do not know, and we cannot give ourselves what we want and need if we do not know it.

8. What relevance do I want my life to have? Are my decisions aligning with that relevance?

9. At the end of the day, how do I want to feel about myself? What can I do to make sure that I feel this?

10. What does a me that loves, understand and accepts myself look, act and feel like?

As usual, I can go on and on.

I often reflect on what I can change and celebrate what I have achieved. However, a specific moment of change that comes to mind is the moment I found out I was about to be divorced. My mom called me to ask why I had not told her about my pending divorce. I remember standing in the hallway of my job looking out the window. I went silent, stunned. I said to her that if we were, I was unaware of it. I managed to make it through the day, and when I got home, I asked him if he wanted a divorce. He said, “well now you know.” I was distraught. After many tumultuous months of me trying to appease and fix a problem I could not identify, his attitude softened. I was hopeful. Eventually, he approached me for sexual intimacy, and I thought we’d finally survived the worst of it and we’re well on our way to mending. So I gave myself to him. After the act, he got up, got dressed told me “f — k you” picked up his packed bag of clothes and walked through the door. He never came back. I was furious at myself, and I felt dirty, cheap and used. I thought that I had let myself down and that it was the last time I would allow such a lack of self-love to bring me that kind of pain and humiliation. I sat down in my tears knowing that something had to change. I was sick and tired of pain and shame because of my lack of self-love and the resulting low self-esteem. It was during that period that I asked myself self the hardest questions of my life including some I have listed. Then I decided what I wanted, if I was worth it and how I planned to get it. My plan was heavily focused on understanding my value, accepting my worth and making decisions where my self-worth was foundational. We make many decisions, and we have many reasons that we would say prompted us to act in the way we do. However, if we are honest with ourselves, we would realize that the level of self-love we have plays a significant role.

So many don’t know how to be alone or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?

Yes, the sacred, alone time. Firstly, we need to reconstruct the line of thought that to be alone means we are lonely and then we have to rebuild our concern with how spending time alone will look to others. Conquering those two feats mean we are well on our way to being prepared for some alone time. Why do we need to spend time alone? This statement might sound harsh, but it is the truth. If you can’t stand to be alone with you, why do you expect others to put up with you?

Time with yourself allows you the opportunity to get to know yourself. Too many times persons go from one scenario to another having to switch masks for each rapidly. You may find yourself frantically trying to meet expectations, and so you do not have an opportunity to set aside all the masks and just let whom you are come out. However, whenever you are alone, there is no need to pretend for yourself. You get to see the truth of who you are. You hear your voice, and you become aware of what’s important to you.

Furthermore, your brain needs a break. The brain needs time to sort through the constant activities we are engaged in or forever seem to be contemplating. An overly tired brain leaves us physically drained, emotionally exhausted and mentally fatigued. When we take time alone, we can slow the pace of our thoughts, sift out what’s essential and what isn’t and focus on what we need to focus on most. When you take alone time there is less input into the brain; therefore, you have a better chance for clearer thinking. Clearer thinking results in better living in the long run.

Additionally, you have a million roles to fulfill every day. Time alone allows you a chance to recharge and treat yourself kindly, so you are fully equipped to meet the demands of your roles. Starve your core self, and everything else begins to fall apart. Time alone gives you the moments you need to connect to you outside of your roles, to connect to your core that feeds your other functions. You are then able to show up as your best self in your roles, as parent, wife, husband, sibling, offspring, friend, employee, employer.

Finally, alone time allows you to rest. It’s like disconnecting yourself from all the things that take from you and allowing yourself the opportunity to give to yourself. That leaves you calmer, happier, with more energy and with more substance to offer. Robbing yourself of these opportunities means that at some point you won’t be giving of yourself because you would have been tapped out. If you are not giving of your true self because it is all used up, then what, where or whom are you taking from so that you can continue giving?

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

It is crucial that we enter a relationship with a strong sense of self-love and we nurture it throughout the relationship. That is not to say you cannot develop self-love while you are in a relationship. Loving yourself means you are giving yourself an opportunity to love and be loved sincerely. You do not go in with falsehoods but with honesty. Consequently, there is a stronger possibility that the love you receive is not for the person you pretended to be but for your true self. It means that you can genuinely experience intimacy and the rewards of sharing a life with someone else. You will be seen and appreciated for who you truly are. That allows for an authentic connection that values and supports who you truly are. That is a rewarding experience. Additionally, you will be able to give of yourself sincerely and receive sincerely without the negatives of entirely depending on someone else for validation and being disappointed when you do not get it.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

A. Individuals need to spend time alone and pay attention to how they feel. They should not gloss over their feelings, thoughts, and intuitions. These feed the decisions they make. Paying attention to themselves in quiet moments helps them to tune in to who they are, and they can learn to understand themselves better. Also, people need to find what they truly love and make time for those loves. Knowing your passions and feeding those loves gives a person a better understanding and appreciation for themselves. Furthermore, in a world that says we should not toot our horns, persons need to give themselves credit for what they are good at, appreciate their positive attributes, but also evaluate their weaknesses and be committed to improving them. Finally, people should know what they truly desire, always work on building self-confidence and maintaining it, accept their limitations as human and not a failure and allow for mistakes.

B. Society should promote that diversity is to be celebrated so that individuals learn to accept and appreciate how they are different and see it as beautiful rather than as a flaw as means of helping persons understand and accept themselves. The media, educational and social institutions and other influential organizations should highlight and promote how uniquely different we are as the norm and emphasize that there is not a singularly universal standard that all must ascribe to if they are to be accepted and loved. It allows room for the individual to understand and accept their personal and innate differences. Society needs to emphasize that to be different is the norm, not conformity to a certain standard or idea of beauty, success, etc.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

I have several ways that I implement and maintain loving myself.

1. I spend alone time — In my alone time, I tend to focus on my needs or do things I want to do. When I ask my husband to take my daughter out so I can have time to take a long relaxing bath, sip on some wine and read a book, I am reminding myself that the things I love to do just for me are important and that I deserve to have my pleasures without guilt.

2. I say no to the things that are not good for me. I went back to school as an adult but struggled financially as a student at some points. One day, during an internship, one of the managers made me an offer. He wanted me to be his mistress. He said he would pay for all school supplies, travel food, etc. He mentioned that I must respect that he has a wife but that he will take care of me. For a minute I imagined how much easier life would be, then I was livid. I was angry that that is all he would think I was worth and I rejected him promptly. Even if its friends asking me to go out when I am tired, I ask if we can meet at a more convenient time. I say no to what’s not good for me.

3. I treat myself by indulging and allowing myself to enjoy the things that are pleasurable to me and facilitate my growth. I loved self-defense. So after my divorce, I decided to give it a go. It brought me immense pleasure to see myself grow in self-confidence, use martial arts to beat back the shadows of depression and pushed mentally and physically beyond previously set limits.

4. I do not obsess over mistakes. Well, I do not obsess over mistakes now. There was a period in my life that I would question everything I did or say throughout the day and would mentally kick myself for anything I perceived was a mistake. That behavior was tightly bound to my insecurities and often made me uptight, anxious and unhappy. I had to break the habit. It meant learning that when a conversation or action was finished to accept that it was done. I learned that I could not change what already happened and that it was ok. If the opportunity allowed, I could revisit it, but obsessing did not change what had already happened. Then came the lessons that I was not perfect — a very tough pill to swallow. However, swallow I did repeatedly until it genuinely settled in. By learning that lesson, I realized that no matter what I did some things would not align or I will miss some things, and that is ok. I correct what I can, learn and keep moving forward. It means I am more comfortable with myself and kinder to myself.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

Honestly, I am an avid reader. I have too many books that I have loved to pick one.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it…

I would inspire “The Desperate Woman Movement.” I am a woman desperate for better relationships because I deserve it. I am a woman desperate to get rid of self-doubt because it is crippling me. I am a woman desperate to break the cycle of bad relationships because they destroy my self-esteem. I am a woman desperate to feel confident about who I am. I am a woman desperate to love how I look. I am a woman desperate to feel good about myself. I am a woman desperate to get rid of fear and go after my goals. I am a woman desperate to get rid of insecurities because they produce horrible decisions with rippling impact. I am a woman desperate to answer the burn within me to be better and do better. I am a woman who feels a burning and stirring for a different move, and I am desperate to follow it. I am a woman who is desperate to let her truth shine and know that it’s ok. I am a woman desperate not to have to keep up façade for friends, colleagues, and family. I am a woman desperate to discover my strength and live in it. I would start the I am a desperate woman movement. As a matter of fact, I have already launched such a campaign. A movement that inspires and teaches women how to go from desperation to achieving their highest aspiration.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?

I have an original quote I wrote when I was about ten years old. It says: “Nothing God can control will set me back; thus, I will always be moving forward.” Now not everyone ascribes to the same beliefs, but mine centers around a Christian viewpoint. It says that God controls everything; consequently, once I am aligned, no other force is more significant. It reminds me that I have been innately wired to succeed at the goals and dreams that are a manifestation of my truth and bring glory to my creator. It says that there is a power available that helps me to overcome and therefore, I should keep pressing forward. It reminds me to be resilient, to persevere and walk in God’s truth in me. It reminds me to be disciplined, to remember my strength and where my hope lies. It reminds me that I can do all things and that I need to give myself a chance to do anything. Will everything work out as I think it should? No. However, it will work out! So no matter what keep moving forward.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

You might also like...


“Put it behind me and move on.” With Penny Bauder & Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford

by Penny Bauder, Founder of Green Kid Crafts

6 Entrepreneurs of Color challenging the financial narratives of women in the society

by Margaret Olatunbosun

“Be sincere, be honest and do so kindly.” With Beau Henderson & Belkis Clarke-Mitcham

by Beau Henderson
We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.