Being the sailor

Who is the sailor of your ship?

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Standing on the seashore with the wind blowing my hair away from my face, I am unable to keep my eyes open. My body is swaying from left to right, thanks to the wind! (Who knew it had so much power *rolls eyes*!) I can feel my feet slowly getting numb, thanks to the wet pebbles on the shore and ill suited shoes to the UK weather. The water droplets in the breeze are calming my face and chilling my nose at the same time. It is a beautiful, infinite moment with myself which is interrupted by a sudden realization. I realize that surprisingly so, I am extremely light headed. Does it mean that there are no troubles in my life? Wish I was that lucky! I remember walking to the beach with a buzzing head full of ‘the all time confusions in life’, but where were they now? (No its not alcohol).

*A few moments before the realization struck*

I take a fearful step towards the waves, my body quivering in the process, my fear of getting drowned engulfing me (had massively failed at swimming in the sea as a child, if you’re wondering where the fear came from), I stand my ground, being fully alert of every single pebble that slips from under my feet as this huge wave comes at me. My heart starts to race as the water comes closer and before I know it, I take 6 steps back.

Damn, failed attempt!

Repeat failed attempts follow!

After mentally scolding myself for a millionth time, I take a brave step forward and finally meet the water. I step back so it doesn’t wet my shoes (ill suited for the weather, remember!), instead I bend down to touch it with my hand which sends waves of shock down my spine (not because it was ice cold, which by the way, it was).

And in that tiny yet pregnant moment, I find my release.

Have I overcome my fear?

Not just yet. But, I confronted it.

And with the water, I washed my worries away.

*A few moments after the realization struck*

I am overjoyed. I feel as if the sea communicated to me, in its own mysterious ways. The waves can mean calmness to one, and be a tsunami to another. When the water was coming closer to my feet, I felt like it is inviting me to take a dip, only I am too scared to do it. And I realize that our fears invite us, engulf us in this trance where we panic, only to will us to overcome them.

We are the first ones to pull ourselves down and begrudge our lives, when all we have done is just tried really hard. We seek validation outside ourselves. We like to be told about our positives, yet we fail to believe in those words. We carry this baggage of under confidence wherever we go, unable to embrace the beauty of every single moment, because we are so busy feeling inadequate or incomplete. We run away from others who see through us, but essentially, we are just running away from our own realities.

I faced my fears, after uncountable failed attempts over the years, but I made it. The touch of cold water when I bent down gave me release from the shackles of fear because I had made a choice not to give up. Your fears and experiences may not be as easily overcome as bending down and touching the sea water, but your path will be the same: Confront your fears.

So, stop missing out on the present moments of your life and not fully living them because you’re too occupied living in the world in your head. Embrace yourself, and make the most of this roller-coaster called life, which has its dips, but always ends up moving up from there. And most of all, be brutally and shamelessly YOU, even in the most broken of ways. Because even in that moment, you’re incredible and beautiful.

P.S. It was a pebble beach!

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