Being Strong, and Feminine

My Grandmother Taught Me The Best Lessons

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Photo by Valentina Conde on Unsplash

My Grandmother was a prayer warrior, but, she was also one of the strongest women I’ve ever known.
She was one of those women that you read about and the kind of woman that influenced me. She grew up in a time where women were really truly the force behind the man, a time when the role of women wasn’t really defined, but a time when women shaped the future of America, when women were a force to be reckoned with, but tempered it with compassion and love. She was an operator, a director, and a businesswoman when women wore dresses, gloves, and pearls to work, but she was the strength in our family and a role model for the woman that I am today. Some people say that women who speak out, who have a desire to shape their own futures are feminists, are not attractive and that strong women are not historically seen in the same light as mild-mannered ones.

Are women who are considered strong viewed as being less attractive by men? This has been an age-old question. While some see us as being capable, intelligent, and warriors, I think on some basic, primal level, yes. They are seen as shrews, and a man will never look at you in the same way, they will lose all respect for you and desire for you.
I’m telling it like it is. No man wants to feel challenged or compete with a woman, the minute he sees you as potentially trying to usurp yourself or that you’re going to control him or tell him what to do, he’ll be gone.

I’ll be blunt, if he’s not getting excited around you, you’ll never see him again. He already has a Mom and chances are he’ll go to her first, and trust her more. He’s not looking for another Mother, he’s looking for a playmate. I’ve found it is better to not speak your mind, complain, be negative, voice your opinion with men because they do not see things in the same fashion as we do. They are linear, where we, often act out of emotion. Part of my nature is to step back, and never respond from emotion, I’m a very prudent person, I think things through before I act or say anything, Men are fixers, problem solvers, they don’t go through the same emotional process as a woman does, or if they do, it is a bit different. Any woman with authority, they are going to either laugh at, or judge, and while they may respect you, they sure as heck aren’t going to want to be under the sheets with you. Have you ever noticed that most “strong women” are alone? It takes a strong man to not feel threatened by that, even then, more than likely they will get tired of it and play on the side, you just never know about it. Want to get put in the friend zone really fast? Try voicing your opinion on politics, or a subject, that’s why I’ll state over and over again that men do not want to debate, it’s considered a “good old boys game” and they will do so with their fellow guys, but the minute a woman enters into it, they will see her as not knowing a thing about the subject (even if you do) and immediately lose all interest in you as a woman. They will no longer see you as feminine. it is instilled, period.

Part of the reason why I am alone is that men don’t care about how educated you might be, if you run your own business or you’re a voice out there, they don’t want a woman who is going to challenge them, to change anything or make them step up their game, they want, well, they want someone who is going to bend. I have never been deemed “feminine” even though I very much am, it’s just that most see me as not wanting to take a backseat, I want a partner, an equal. I’m the kind of woman who is very business-minded and would want to be a business partner as well as a mate, and to be honest, most can’t handle that. I’ve learned to dumb it down a bit, because I’m also the type of woman that is nurturing and kind and wants to see her partner succeed, so I’ll often be the cheerleader and let him shine a bit more. I’d rather see him happy than to try to compete, as I feel no need to. The strength of a strong woman is when she is also able to be soft because she loves someone.

My Grandmother taught me the wisdom in guiding, rather than directing, to give suggestions and letting a man choose what’s right for him, honoring the man, but yet being the force behind why he does what he does. Whenever I needed guidance myself, I would turn to her because of her optimistic, progressive views. I wish she were still around because I know that she would have a guideline for remaining positive in a life that requires women to do it all, be someone, but yet, still honor men, and a life that now requires some of it be lived at a distance. I wonder what advice she would give to a woman who is trying to make it on her own but is still looking for a soulmate. I want to be one of those women who live a life of meaning, to be memorable and a helpmate to someone, to be a “heck of a woman” like she was.

As a movie line goes ” The man is the head, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she wants.” Grandma Dottie would agree.

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