The problem with many of us is that we don’t allow ourselves time to be present.
When we experience hardships many of us might choose to confide in those around us, unfortunately, instead of being listened to, we are immediately met with phrases like “It will be okay”, “You’ll get past this” and “You deserve better”. I call these “one day” phrases. Simply because we are told these things will happen to us but never told when. All we know is that… that day isn’t today. So while these “one-day” phrases are great words to hear, they aren’t always as beneficial as they were intended to be.
Whether we admit it or not, we’re all looking to be heard. So when we confide in our loved ones, it’s not because we want solutions or clarity. It’s mostly because we want validation.
So we release.
We verbally release to whatever trusted source is willing to listen. In hopes to receive comfort for whatever tribulations we’re facing. We’ve found ourselves in a vulnerable place and are looking for validation on how we feel. We’re looking to be understood.
So when our frustrations are met with these “one-day” phrases, we don’t understand how detrimental it can be to our mental health. These phrases subconsciously promote a narrative that prohibits us from being present. We’re told that we need to look towards a time when “everything will be okay” instead of being present in our current reality (no matter how bad it is). We become dismissive of our feelings just because they don’t align with the picture of “happy” that we’ve spent our entire lives trying to paint.
Being present is crucial because it forces us to understand the importance of our situation. To properly heal, we need not to shy away from openly experiencing and expressing our emotional turmoil.
There is power in acceptance because it aids us in our healing process.
Now, this is not to be confused with becoming stagnant in our reality. Although it is essential to take time to be present and validate our emotions, they must not overwhelm us in their entirety. We must find balance between being present and looking towards the future. When the two are imbalanced, that’s when we become too dependant on one or the other. As a result, negative habits will develop.
We need to stand in the present and realize that how that person feels or how we feel is valid… it’s perfectly normal for one not to be. Sometimes making “no progress” is progress within itself… this is called being still in order to move forward.