Hey! Today I was thinking about life in general and in particular, I was analyzing my personal single life. This post is addressed to all the single mothers who are going through a lot, do not have help or a shoulder to cry on but still hope that someday they will see a light at the end of the tunnel!
So, I am the proud mother of a young boy; I am raising him alone because his dad wasn’t ready to be a father! I am not judging him, I understand is a big responsibility but it would have been nice if he told me earlier 🙂
After all, I am glad in a way that I am doing it alone because I don’t get to argue with no one regarding the way I want to teach him different things.
But there is a downside to this “job”: when school starts there are some activities that require the presence of the father. For example, when Mother’s Day comes, the teacher wants the dads to come to school and do something with the kids for mothers. It is a great activity and of course a perfect gesture but how do I explain the situation to him?!
Today I had to do it, pretty hard giving the fact that he is 5 and doesn’t know his dad, just the term in general… I was afraid he will ask more questions but he said he understood the fact that I will come to the “father activity”. I was pretty relieved considering the situation and sad that so far I wasn’t able to find him a male friend because I am not searching for a father, he has a biological one and what he needs is a friend who can understand him, play with him, be a true friend!
UPDATE: I need to update you regarding the “dad meeting”. Actually, it didn’t go so good, when I got there with my son all the other boys were shouting “you need to come with your dad!” It was pretty awkward and I couldn’t just stand by so I replied: “I am the dad, now!” well, they stopped which is ok but something else bothered me…
His teacher started to photograph us and after we got home she posted the pics on the WhatsApp group but I and my son were nowhere in those pictures! I am pretty upset because I can see the judgment in their attitude saying that we don’t belong in that group. Is not fair!
I work my ass off to be both parents and it’s not my fault his father doesn’t want to be a part of his life! but I have to get bullshit when this kind of events take place…
I am sadder because now, my boy tells me he doesn’t want to go to school because he just can’t stand it. Actually, he feels the rejection, I am sorry for him and I cannot change anything because society created these stereotypes: a family has to be made out of two parents!
Now, this was the ugliest experience as a single mom ever! I started as well to despise my son’s teachers because of their attitude and malice!!! Another issue I had that day was the fact that another boy stole my son’s car. He took it to school because he wanted to play with it and another boy took it from his hand and didn’t want to give it back. The issue is that my boy started to cry and said his head hurts and couldn’t sleep so the teacher called and I went and took him home. After a few hours, I found out he actually was upset because that boy wouldn’t give him the car back!
So, I went and talked to this boy. You know what he said to me? A grown-up? “I am busy right now and can’t give it to you!” I was in shock! How could he talk to me like that?? So, I insisted to give me the car, of course nicely, and finally, his dad tells me he gave him a car in the morning, my son’s car! It was unbelievable! He actually stole my boy’s car hoping that his dad would leave it at home!
Children these days amaze you, actually, this kid made me wanna kick his ass! He was so bad-hearted, I saw it on his face and it made me think that my boy never did this kind of things because I always tell him to be good, to let things go and not fight for anything! But maybe I shouldn’t do it anymore because there are kids who will crush mine!
I would love to read your personal experiences regarding being a single mom and what kind of explanation you give them because we shouldn’t use bad words to describe the other parent or curse him in front of the child, we should be more diplomatic and offer an argument that is simple and easy to understand because after all they are kids and do not understand all the grown-up issues.
My life at the moment is pretty great, I love my kid, we do a lot of stuff together, he is so smart and asks a lot of questions: he is in the phase “Why?” 🙂 so, questioning everything about the world, people, toys… You may wonder why I am single and wasn’t able to find someone, well…I really don’t need a man in my life :))) I know it sounds crazy and unreal but it is the truth. Right now, I don’t feel the need of being in a relationship! I had a few when my son was younger but they didn’t work, at some point a got very frustrated because all the guys I was dating wanted to offer me free parenting advise like I needed their help and some of them didn’t even have kids! It was awful! I started to hate myself and at that point, after so many failed relationships I took an oath:
NO MORE DATING UNTIL I AM 100% READY!!!!!
The most important issue about being single is that you always think about your child if the guy will love him, take care of him, but also you think that he can become jealous and hurt your baby. This is my number 1 fear, you never know how a strange man reacts when he sees how much you love your kid. One of my dates was pretty jealous, luckily I didn’t acquaint them but he told me that I am too attached to my boy! That was a big mistake from his part because after a few weeks I dumped his sorry ass! No one has the right to say that to you! Of course, you are attached, he would be too if he spends as much time as I did with him!
So, right now I am focusing on other things that I consider more important, like spending as much time possible with my boy, I am taking some courses to develop my teaching skills, and become a full-time blogger 🙂
Another reason that I don’t date is: I am waiting for the man who will sign an agreement document regarding our relationship, something like a prenup but for unmarried couples. It sounds crazy, I know but on a previous post I mentioned this prenup or agreement: https://alissaserendipity.wordpress.com/2019/02/21/the-prenup-terms/
And If you take a look you will see there are some interesting things that will make your relationship stay on the right track. Some people told me I am exaggerating but honestly, after the failed relationships I have been through and the fact that I have a son with another man, of course, I want this agreement and the reassurance that he won’t bale out when things are hard or complicated! Am I asking too much?? I don’t think so! I just want a relationship that works and that gives me satisfaction. That’s it!
I would love to read how is your single life, what are you overwhelmed by, how did your kids react when you divorced or separated from your husband/boyfriend?