Every single day, I legitimately see a new engagement or baby announcement. As my best friend cried to me mourning the loss of another relationship she pondered… When will it happen to me? How many times do I have to try? When will I finally meet the right person? I couldn’t tell you how familiar and haunting these questions are to myself and most of my friends. This article is for every woman in her late 20s who feels this same real struggle.
Let me tell you we are independent, successful, charismatic, an attractive bunch, well-educated… but single. The worst is when someone asks you “why are you still single, you’re such a catch?” I think it’s important to realize that yes I probably could have been married by now, but it would have been for the wrong reasons. As a society we have to stop viewing marriage as a timeline and prestigious right of passage. It is supposed to be a time to commit yourself to a soul you love more than yourself and if you are damn lucky, they miraculously feel the same way. Putting each other first, making that same choice every. single. day.
This is hard to find and rare. Just as finding a spouse or partner should be. I have really struggled and grappled with this in the last year. For the second time now, I was living with someone, getting ready to start a life together and it didn’t work out. The first guy is getting married this year and the second well we tried our best- or so I like to think. Even my other cheating ex-boyfriend is settling down… I know you may be thinking whoa how many boyfriends has this girl had? I’ll tell you, plenty. Plenty of lessons and hopes that didn’t workout. Chances I wholeheartedly gave myself to in hopes I found the right fit. I’m not there yet, but after each experience I can’t believe the amount I have learned and honestly how relieved I was knowing this time it wasn’t the one. I now know when to walk away when something doesn’t fit, how to let go of something instead of holding on too tight, and to TAKE my time.
Take your time. Don’t rush the steps or process. I realize for a women in her late twenties and as someone who wants a family one day that can be easier said than done, especially when you feel like time is working against you. But this time will pass regardless, and truth is I’d rather be focusing on myself and happy, than in a mediocre relationship where I feel small.
When everyone around you has their smiles and announcements rest assured if it is or isn’t your day soon… they might be looking at your picture at that country concert scrolling on a Friday night with baby puke in their hair thinking, “I wish I enjoyed that stage.” Each part of your life, whether you’re dancing out with your friends or having you first child, will bring you to where you’re supposed to go and with exactly who you’re supposed to be with and learn with. Don’t force it. Accept it and be kind with the fact that it can suck sometimes when you’re not where you want to be. But don’t stay there long. Pick yourself up, get a new apartment, and buy those Kenny Chesney tickets the way I did. Who knows you might even meet a good one. Or not… it’s out of your control- so who really cares anymore. The moral of the story is enjoy this stage whether it’s traveling Europe, starting a new job, or finally becoming a wife or mother. It is happening, how do you want to remember it?