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“Guided Accountability; The process of discovering your purpose and designing your own blueprint with an accountability partner” With Charlena Smith

When we connect through our humanity — we’re bound by our similarities. We’re kinder to one another. We are able to see opposing points of view. The insight is invaluable. Optio, and the Guided Accountability framework reminds people how to connect deeply. How to speak our truth. How to listen. When more people understand how […]

When we connect through our humanity — we’re bound by our similarities. We’re kinder to one another. We are able to see opposing points of view. The insight is invaluable. Optio, and the Guided Accountability framework reminds people how to connect deeply. How to speak our truth. How to listen. When more people understand how to fully hold space for people, profound healing can begin. This can lead to a societal dismantling of the structure of shame that keeps so many people stuck and unable to move forward. Through guided accountability, we learn to be honest and vulnerable, and create a safe space for others to do the same.


As a part of my series about “Big Ideas That Might Change The World In The Next Few Years” I had the pleasure of interviewing Charlena Smith. Charlena is an in-demand, international keynote speaker, best-selling author, and the founder of Optio, a matched and guided accountability platform that empowers individuals to live their best, most inspired lives. But life hasn’t always been so clear for Charlena. Before she knew how it felt to define and live out her own purpose, she tried to live out everyone else’s expectations of her. Trying to live every purpose but her own nearly killed her. She spent months in the hospital, several of them on full life support with a 0% chance of survival, and then a year in rehab: learning to walk and talk again, against all odds. While healing, Charlena was determined to create a solution to protect others from experiencing this kind of misdirection and burnout; while still holding space to create and pursue big dreams with an even greater probability of success. And Guided Accountability was born. Charlena grew up and lives in a multi-generational home in Baltimore, MD with her brilliant husband and their two incredibly mischievous, yet simultaneously adorable children.


Thank you so much for joining us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

What brought me to this SPECIFIC point in my career is quite a journey, so I’ll tell you the shortcut. In my early 20s I ‘had it all’ by nearly every definition. I was the first in my family to go away to college, and I went on to earn four undergraduate and three graduate degrees, as well as a traditional MBA. I started pursuing my PhD full time at the University of Maryland while I was also a full time professor at one of the most respected universities on the East Coast. Plus, I was the proud COO of a rapidly expanding marketing agency. And did I mention that I was also a partner in marriage with my amazing hubby and mother to two fantastic little boys under two?

All at the same time.

I’m here to tell you: that’s bananas.

And it almost killed me. I had a really horrific pregnancy and that, along with the stress of all the other positions in my life, landed me in the ICU for six months. I was read my final rights and given a 0% chance for survival. Obviously, since I’m sitting here in this interview, I didn’t die. Awesome, right? But a few months in the ICU and a ton of rehab to learn to to speak, walk, and talk again has a huge impact on a person. Especially a parent. My kids suffered a great deal in this season. I was determined that when I went back to ‘work,’ it would be with a whole new blueprint for life. I was determined to align my purpose and my family. And so, an entrepreneur and Optio were born.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?

One that comes to mind is back when we were first starting out with Optio, and Guided Accountability was a completely new concept. We were chatting with angel investors who may be interested in joining us on this journey. I was the CEO of a major company but had decided that it was really important for me to be able to work from home occasionally. I didn’t want to get tied up in the madness that nearly killed me a few years earlier.

So I decided to meet with a Fortune 10 CEO seed investor over Skype from my home office.

My son was in preschool at the time and should have been out of the house. But we’re in Baltimore and occasionally there are weather related changes to the school’s schedule. On this particular day, Baltimore schools opened two hours later due to weather. Rather than reschedule, I attempted to ‘do it all.’ I fed the boys breakfast, let them burn off some morning energy in the newly fallen snow, and then pulled up an educational but fun video for them to watch while I jumped on my video conference call. I was momming SO HARD I could hardly stand myself.

I locked myself in my office and began my presentation. Suddenly I heard the scratching sound at the door, but I didn’t panic. Not only was the door locked, I had a kid proof door knob and a safety latch in place. No one was getting through that door… Until they did.

Suddenly, there he was. My 5-year-old had figured out how to enter what I thought was a secure room with the aid of his ridiculously crafty 7-year-old brother. And what was he doing? He was in the corner of the video screen MOONING the CEO. MOONING HER! I nearly died. To make matters worse, I jumped out of my seat to usher him back out the door, revealing that, although I was neatly dressed in a sports coat and scarf on top, I was wearing blue and pink polka dot pajama pants on the bottom!

Oh my heavens! AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

And then there was complete silence, until… she laughed. She laughed so hard I thought she was going to hurt herself. And she said she was sold. She wasn’t entirely sure what I was pitching — but she wanted in on what I had. She also wanted to know how she could help and if there was space at our holiday dinner table.

I decided in that moment that that was what it was all about. I was still a CEO. I still had a family. Some people get it. Some people don’t. And that’s okay. This is my season. I’m a CEO and a Mom. And if you can’t work with me with a 5-year-old mooning you from the corner, well… maybe we just shouldn’t be partners. Because that’s my life right now. And I couldn’t possibly love it any more.

Can you tell us about your “Big Idea That Might Change The World”?

Guided Accountability. The process of discovering your purpose and designing your own blueprint in response to guidance and a safe space provided by an accountability partner.

It seems so simple. And it IS. Yet, it isn’t. It’s like going to the gym. Yes — you know it’s good for you and it’s the right thing to do. But sometimes showing up again and again is hard! Simple in concept — more challenging in the execution. That’s where the framework behind the movement comes in.

Let’s go back to some grade school math and science. Are you with me?

Like the mathematical term vector, Guided Accountability can be represented by an arrow, composed of both direction and magnitude. (And yes, Despicable Me Fans — I totally stole that. No shame in my Mom’ing game.) The accountable party holds the magnitude, the guide provides direction, or space for an intentional direction to be explored.

Now think back to science lab. Develop a hypothesis for the trajectory of your life. A hypothesis is used to define the relationship between two variables. Remember, a variable is any item, factor, or condition that can be controlled or changed. Can you change the passing of time? Einstein’s Relativity aside, no. (If you are reading this interview, you are probably not on a spaceship traveling near the speed of light.) For our purposes, time is constant. But how you choose to spend that time is up to you. Our quality of life is the variable. When are you going to decide that your life is a variable worth investing in?

The crazy thing is this: Guiding isn’t difficult, but we’ve been trained for years to avoid it. So you may be a little rusty, and frankly you’re probably a little uncomfortable having a conversation that looks like those that occur in the Guided Accountability space. They sometimes require space for silence (deeper thought), uncomfortable questions, and mirroring what you see — not just what you think the other person wants to hear.

Guided Accountability partners carve out time and space to intentionally define the blueprints of our lives.

If you’re starting to wonder why you can’t just carve this space out for yourself, I’d encourage you to consider that the true value of a guide is to serve as a mirror to the guided, pointing out blind spots you may not be aware of and strengths that may have gone under appreciated.

Optio has structured the time and space to allow you and your partner to get the absolute most out of your time together. This pairing is about CONNECTION. And you have what it takes — inside you right now, in this very moment — to be an amazing Guided Accountability partner.

How do you think this will change the world?

When we connect through our humanity — we’re bound by our similarities. We’re kinder to one another. We are able to see opposing points of view. The insight is invaluable. Optio, and the Guided Accountability framework reminds people how to connect deeply. How to speak our truth. How to listen. When more people understand how to fully hold space for people, profound healing can begin. This can lead to a societal dismantling of the structure of shame that keeps so many people stuck and unable to move forward. Through guided accountability, we learn to be honest and vulnerable, and create a safe space for others to do the same.

Keeping “Black Mirror” and the “Law of Unintended Consequences” in mind, can you see any potential drawbacks about this idea that people should think more deeply about?

Black Mirror mostly speaks to the unintended consequences of new technology. The Guided Accountability framework simply allows you to acknowledge and appreciate what’s already inside you — and bring out the best of it. Not only do we use a scientific algorithm to choose your partner based on who will bring out the best in you, but then we also train members to be an effective accountability partner. This isn’t about saying what we think the other person wants to hear, or trying to offer solutions, but about truly, deeply listening to someone, asking questions that will lead them to their own answers. We don’t all naturally know how to be an accountability partner in this way, so if we are doing it in the only way we’ve known, the impact won’t be the same. This is just to say how important it is to pick the right accountability partner, and have both of you learn the skills necessary to lift each other to new levels, otherwise you may just keep getting the same things you’ve always gotten and continuing to be stuck and frustrated. There’s no new easily manipulated technology here. Just a reframed way of thinking and having a conversation.

Was there a “tipping point” that led you to this idea? Can you tell us that story?

One day, I was having a typical, busy afternoon in my entrepreneur/mom life, and I stopped at Aldi to grab a few essentials. I was in a hurry because the window of time when both of my boys are in school was very short and I was already running behind. A checklist a mile long was running through my brain when a woman approached me. She spoke little to no English, was modestly dressed (though not nearly warm enough for the cold temperatures), and her demeanor was fraught with despair, but laced with hope. I recognized the energy. I could tell that asking for help was uncomfortable territory for her. But she was desperate. Her name was Maria.

I told her, truthfully, that I didn’t have any cash on me, but offered her a blessing bag from our car. My boys and I make bags filled with essentials — nonperishable food, toiletries, water, etc. and I keep them in the car. That was not enough. There was a great sense of urgency about her. I did not know it then, but she had many other mouths to feed. I trusted my instincts and walked with her into the store. We grabbed a cart and went shopping together. She bought gallons of milk, her weight in chicken, pork, potatoes, diapers, formula, onions, toilet paper, and laundry detergent. I paid for her items at the checkout and bought some bags for her to carry everything in. After we bagged it up, I then asked her how she planned to get home. She planned to ride the bus. She was loaded down with about 30 pounds of raw chicken plus three gallons of milk, she probably weighs less than 90 pounds, and — I discovered later that day — she’d given birth two weeks prior. And she was going to get on Baltimore’s less-than-desirable public bus transit system? I don’t think so! I took a HUGE leap outside of my comfort zone, and I drove her home. This is where I met one of her children, who spoke a tiny bit more English. I discovered they were from Romania and were living with a family from Syria, whom I also had the pleasure of meeting. All refugees that had been through more than I’ll ever be able to imagine. The formula was for her 2-week old daughter. She was breastfeeding, but her daughter continued to lose weight and she was scared she wasn’t producing enough milk, and didn’t have the guidance of a steady pediatrician. Her husband, previously their strong provider, had become very sick during the trip and was now bed-bound. The chicken and potatoes were to feed them all. Her eldest son, 14, was looking for work to provide for his entire family, but was having a very hard time because he spoke little to no English. He continued to ask me what his ‘skill set’ was — because that’s what interviewers had been asking him. But he didn’t know what ‘skill set’ meant. Because he was FOURTEEN. He told me about his plans to be a doctor when he grew up. Be he had to shelve those dreams for tomorrow in order to figure out how to feed his family today.

They were also terrified to travel. Being separated was their number one fear. The three year old little girl wouldn’t even walk near the doors of their empty row home for fear someone would reach in and grab her to take her away. She stood firmly planted in the center of the room.

I spent as much time as I could with them that day. They were so beautiful in so many ways. And they invited me, my husband and our boys back for dinner. We went. We became friends. Our children became friends. That three year old little girl? She learned English — and she still helps my son speak to strangers. (English may be her second language but she runs circles around his speech delay.) In that ONE event,that single step outside my comfort zone, I gained a deeper understanding of so many things.

Our friendship continued and through Maria, I found the International Rescue Commission (IRC) where I began the framework for Guided Accountability. The foundation of Optio.

Initially my work with the IRC was through The Girl who Lived (a non-profit marketing company I founded after my experience with near death burn out). I was tasked with setting up a system to acclimate Syrians into the U.S. culture as smoothly as possible. They needed to learn to navigate not only a new landscape and different language, but also different medical, transportation and school systems, just to name a few. We paired them with established women in the community nearby and created a communication framework to help them navigate the language and cultural barriers. This framework was like wizardry. Not only were the Syrians acclimating faster than ever, but their American counterparts flooded us with comments, testifying to their changed hearts and the ability to access empathy in a way they’d never dreamed possible. It was life-changing in the best way for both parties. We thought: “Wait. Is this a thing? If we pair other women and use this kind of framework: give them space, time and permission to be vulnerable along with the tools to discover their purpose and live it out — will we get the same results?” We decided to find out, so we started our beta test with other women around the world. That’s how Optio, and the Guided Accountability movement was born.

We compiled loads of research and catalogued an intense amount of data from our pairings. A top NASA engineer (who just so happens to be that amazing partner I mentioned earlier… Lucky me, right?! ) created a complex algorithm to pair people to their best Guided Accountability partners. Now, a Guided Accountability partner is not a best friend, but rather the person that is going to bring OUT the best in you. We’ve created deep, thoughtful trainings on how to be a Guided Accountability partner, plus a specific framework for women to discover their true purpose, develop goals in alignment with that purpose, and see it through in a 12-week program that results in a 97% increase in success rates.

I never could have imagined how ONE act outside my comfort zone could take me so far.

What do you need to lead this idea to widespread adoption?

We need folks to share the love. Incorporate Guided Accountability into your own life and see where it takes you. Open up a dialogue with someone unexpected. Challenge your world view. Keep an open mind. And be kind.

What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why. (Please share a story or example for each.)

  1. Always remain accountable. This one might seem obvious since my entire business is based on ‘Guided Accountability,’ but I truly believe that nothing amazing happens in this world without accountability. When I started working I would keep my goals to myself. I was embarrassed to dream too big — or too small. There was a lot of shame around things. But then I realized accountability is a choice, and there is NO SHAME in wanting the best version of yourself for your future. And we have to continue choosing it — even when things get tough. Accountability is the willingness to account for your actions, accept responsibility for them, and disclose the truth with transparency. It isn’t always easy. But it’s always right. When I got an accountability partner I started manifesting my visions left and right. I traveled Europe, bought my dream car and my dream house within a year. So, yeah: Get an accountability partner!
  2. Accept that you will fail. This was so, so hard for me. I came from a blue collar family in a poor town. The dreams I set for myself were huge compared to what I knew to be possible. And I accomplished them. Time and time again I accomplished them. I got so comfortable in my successes that when I failed it felt like a blow to the gut. I doubled down, worked harder, and knocked it out of the ballpark. Even if that’s not what I really should have been doing. I began to succeed just for the high of it. Winning became a drug. Failing? Inconceivable. And it almost killed me. The Universe brought me to my knees. Not only had I failed, but I had lost the very basic privilege of freedom and independence. I couldn’t speak or breathe. My organs were literally failing, one after another. I had worked SO HARD to win, refusing to give in and rest, or as I deemed it: fail. And yet there I was, lying in an ICU bed with a list of failing organs. The irony was not lost on me. Once I had that great big failure under my belt, and was blessed to have survived, I could embrace failure with a kind of rogue brashness. One of our core principles at Optio is “Fail Frequently. Fail Fast. Fail Forward.” How much time and pain could I have saved myself if I had led by this principle from the very beginning?
  3. Forgive freely. When you forgive others it frees you from the disabling chains of unforgiveness. Forgiveness is liberating. It’s not about right or wrong. It’s about living a life of freedom. A life you deserve. When I was very sick, there were some core people in my life who couldn’t handle it. One, in particular, literally sent me a ‘break-up’ letter that I received the day before I went into the ICU. We had been best friends since the second grade. The pain I felt when reading that letter is difficult to explain. He literally sent the letter and then boarded an international flight. He didn’t take my calls. He unfriended me on all social media platforms. I was in the hospital, being read my last rights, and my family called him to say goodbye. He declined. THAT was hard to forgive. But do you know what’s also hard? Being a friend to someone who’s that sick for that long and somewhat in denial of the whole situation. When I got back to my regular life, I reached out to tell this friend that I did not bear any ill will. I loved him deeply. Still. He meant so much to me. And I forgave him with every ounce of my being. But I also could not have him in my life again. Forgive freely… but that doesn’t always mean forget.
  4. If you want to be great…. become a great servant. At every point in my career I have risen when I come from a place of serving with a grateful heart. When I was rising in the ranks of corporate, I gladly served those above me, happy to run errands or just exist in their presence, while learning more trade secrets in one coffee run than I had in an entire year of college. Ultimately I ended up creating an entire business model, Guided Accountability, based on the principles of serving. Truly genuine acts of service are what makes the world go round.
  5. Faith and Persistence are the most powerful formula. Nothing is impossible if you have faith and persistence. Faith is powerful. Faith is trusting in something greater than yourself, trusting in the abilities that have been placed within you, and trusting that with every step forward you will find your way towards your dreams and your goals. Just keep persistently taking the next right step out on faith. It will work out in the end. I’m living this testament now. I’ve been working relentlessly at building a framework that moves the needle for world peace. It’s a huge goal. And I’m confident I can achieve it. Not just because I’ve done countless ‘impossible’ things before — but because I know and am proof that faith and persistence win every time.

The future of work is a common theme. What can one do to “future proof” their career?

Stay flexible. The common denominator is going to be humanity. Tap into your emotional intelligence. Invest in yourself! Technology is always changing. But if YOU remain agile, you’ll be prepared for whatever the future sends our way.

Based on the future trends in your industry, if you had a million dollars, what would you invest in?

Guided Accountability. Without a doubt. I’d spread the word and encourage as many humans to participate in the process as possible. When people engage in kindness, listening and tapping into their limitless potential we’ll see profound positive shifts in our world.

Which principles or philosophies have guided your life? Your career?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”

This quote by Marianne Williamson has served as a lighthouse for my life. Every time I dream big, and then start to back down out of fear, I remind myself that by letting my own light shine, I unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. The ‘light’ shines in different ways for me in different seasons. Sometimes my light looks like what others might call success and sometimes my light looks like hanging on to life by a thread, but refusing to be extinguished. No matter what the season, my light is always bright, transparent, courageous and vulnerable. Because I want to allow others to feel liberated enough to be who they were born to be, too.

Can you share with our readers what you think are the most important “success habits” or “success mindsets”?

Absolutely.

Be disciplined: You can’t think your way to the life you want, you have to take action. You can’t create anything truly amazing in your life if you’re not willing to fail. So just keep taking the next right step and continue to show up consistently.

Live in integrity: Do the right thing, when you’re with someone, be fully with them. Don’t allow life to be a series of constant distractions, or it may pass you by.

Be vulnerable: Vulnerability is an incredible strength. Being vulnerable allows you to break down the things that haven’t been working for you and grow exponentially. Vulnerability is the key to unlocking your true potential.

Practice gratitude: Being grateful for what you have is what will lead you to having more of what you want. Take it from someone who almost didn’t get to live… when you are grateful for every breath you breathe, you begin to see life as the profound gift that it is, and nothing defines success as much as living a life you are grateful to live.

Some very well known VCs read this column. If you had 60 seconds to make a pitch to a VC, what would you say? He or she might just see this if we tag them 🙂

Brene Brown. Her research on vulnerability has changed the lens through which we see humanity.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

www.facebook.com/myoptio

www.instagram.com/myoptio_org

www.twitter.com/optio

Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.

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