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Author Shane Kulman: “Why you should take time out to play, with no agenda”

To take time out to play, with no agenda. When feeling burnt out to sing silly songs about what is happening, to talk to yourself in the mirror and to get on the floor and roll around like a sloth. I had the pleasure of interviewing Shane Kulman. Shane is a decidedly different Behaviorist, sex, […]

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To take time out to play, with no agenda. When feeling burnt out to sing silly songs about what is happening, to talk to yourself in the mirror and to get on the floor and roll around like a sloth.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Shane Kulman.

Shane is a decidedly different Behaviorist, sex, wellness and visibility coach, author and educator who brings her Masters in Early Childhood Development and Special Education Therapy together with her specialties in performance to help smart, sensitive women and men step out of their comfort zones into a life they truly desire — by first listening to their inner child.

Shane is the author of From Anxiety to Ease… The Feminine Way: Activities to Put Yourself at Ease in Under 10 Minutes. Known as “The Edgy Educator,” she brings her uniquely authentic and insightful approach to all her offerings — she has worked with preschoolers with autism, incarcerated youth, teen groups and people of all ages who are breaking out their shells to embrace their self expression.

Can you tell us a story about what brought you to your career path as a confidence coach, self-expression guide and author?

What a yummy question. When I was five or six, I remember my kindergarten teacher asking me “what do you want to be when you grow up?” We must have been doing the theme of occupations. I said “happy” even after she pushed me for a different answer. It’s been the common denominator the whole way. When I am not happy, it’s not good for anyone. When I was a preschool teacher for 6 years I left every school after two years, if I am not happy, my inner child has tantrums and didn’t show up “well.” After my acting classes at The Open Door Acting Company in NYC, and it saved my life the way it did, I became the bully of love. I knew I had to teach this work, the work to excavate the old yuck feelings and to move to the land of confidence and taking risks and playing the biggest game possible.

Can you tell us a story about a hard time that you faced and overcame on your spiritual journey? What gives you comfort when things are hard?

Things were REALLY hard when I was consistently broke and had no money for so many months in a row. I had no savings, I’d already borrowed money from family, I owed thousands to a good friend for a course we took together, and I would have $3.00 for a week sometimes, electricity shut off, while living in my beach bungalow. What gave me comfort was looking at craigslist. Looking at all the opportunities to make money, some were shady and some were doable, it turned on my resourcefulness muscles. It made me realize where my boundaries were in terms of sexy work, and it made me realize how many talents I have, and how I can show up in so many places and get paid.

If you could go back in time and talk to your younger self regarding life lessons, things you would like her to know what would they be and why?

Oh my younger self, when she was most suffering, I would tell her she is right, she is so right and that I understand her, even if no one else does. What she thinks and feels makes sense to me.

Which tips would you recommend to colleagues in the healing world to help them to thrive and not “burn out”?

To take time out to play, with no agenda. When feeling burnt out to sing silly songs about what is happening, to talk to yourself in the mirror and to get on the floor and roll around like a sloth.

None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful to who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?

My teacher Erin Flowers. I was 32 and abusing myself emotionally since I was 12 years old. I was doing all the “right things” to be good in life, and yet I didn’t have a relationship, I was falling asleep at my therapy job, I was judging everyone as wrong, and completely miserable and depressed and was waking up with anxiety and didn’t know there was any other way of living. I ended up in improvisation class that was based on saying “no” in a townhouse on the upper west side. Erin Flowers showed me unconditional love like I’ve never experienced, I learned the experiences of words like discernment, empowered, embodied, truth, presence and more. There was a time we were doing a scene with a woman with an eating disorder. I got super triggered and thought it was an intervention for me. I took myself out of the scene and cursed everyone out and ran to the bathroom hysterical crying. Upon coming out of the bathroom, and for 10 years after that, she painstakingly took time to help me not only unpack the trigger, and to see how my past “Brooklyn Tough Girl” way of thinking was not always right, and how I can create and stay curious to get different outcomes. She showed me that I was amazing and deep and powerful. and not just a pretty face that should be looking to find some husband and live some American dream that just didn’t apply to me.

How have you used your authority to bring goodness to the world?

YES!!!! The work I lead and hard core believe in has had BIG impacts on children with autism and their parents, educators, children in prison, sensitive and shy women and men. My authority to decide what to teach, where to learn and who to learn with is absolutely outstanding. All of these steps in my life have built a track record for me to trust myself 100% in all arenas.

What are your “5 things I wish someone told me before I started in this path” and why?

I wish someone would have told me I don’t have to explain or prove myself to anyone.

I wish someone would have told me all ideas are valuable, and followed up with all the ideas that came to fruition for people our society sees as great! Like Michael Jordan, Oprah, Louise Hay or The Beatles.

I wish someone would have told me beauty is also caring for people and passion based causes.

I wish I would have been validated as a cool and unique thinker, if a teacher actually listened to my way of seeing things, and seeing me as a verbal learner and not as a kid ”who talked too much and didn’t apply herself.”

I wish that all children would be listened to. They are our future and they have new fresh ideas all the time.

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.

I know the value of including teaching deep truth revealing for social emotional teachings, and I would include teaching “I don’t know” to children in school and to use “fuck you” as a form of therapy.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

There are lots of ways to engage with me on social media. Pick your playground! I invite readers to join my free Facebook Group Relational Embodied Intimacy, join my mailing list at www.theawkwardacademy.com and to follow me on Instagram @enchantressshane for daily tutorials, musings and workshop updates.Authority Magazine

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