Community//

Authenticity – A Mindful Way to Transform Your Broken Relationships

Special thank you to Dr. Sc. Todorche Stamenov and Tony J. Selimi for their ongoing support, love, and wisdom.

Hi everyone,

Firstly, thank you so much for taking the time to read my latest article about the importance of authenticity plays in healing our broken relationships. I trust you’ll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Secondly, it’s a long article, so, please make sure you grab a cup of tea, coffee or your favourite drink and let it inspire you into action.

We all have heard the saying when the student is ready the teacher will appear, but very few of us have the courage, the faith, and the finances needed to take the necessary actions needed to change our circumstances and improve our lives.  

Four years ago, this teacher appeared at a moment in my life when I was contemplating to commit a suicide. After reading a few of his facebook posts and hearing his talk at the body-mind-spirit festival in London, I knew that this man can help me get my life back on track.

At the end of his inspiring talk on creating the mindset required to be in flow with life, I bought a signed copy of his International Amazon #1 best-selling book A Path to Wisdom, booked an initial two hour private clarity coaching session, and I immediately decided to start my integrated coaching-mentoring and healing journey with someone that not only saved my life, but he also helped me see with clarity what was hidden behind the many masks I have adopted from a very young age.

The different personas I had embraced from a very young age not only damaged my relationship with myself, but also it impacted every intimate relationship I ever had with people I deeply cared and loved, including my former girlfriends, members of my family, work colleagues and friends.

To give you an idea of how bad my life was, I would love to share with you a key fact. From the age of 17 to 38 I suffered from a multitude of Mental Health illnesses, approximately 30 mental health illnesses simultaneously. Over 120 different forms of OCD simultaneously, partial blindness, epilepsy, alcoholism and addictions to prescription and non-prescription drugs.

I had no real awareness of the many destructive personas I had adopted over this period, and this simple truth that daily I was in excruciating pain so was my entire family and people who genuinely cared for me. I had become so entrapped by my ways of thinking, feeling, and the self-destructive behaviours that back then I thought were helping me to survive on a day to day basis.

The truth is, when the tough gets going, we all will do absolutely anything to survive.

What this man’s teachings that I will reveal later on this article helped me see transformed the way I looked at my life. Through his self-reflective awareness coaching, he got me to acknowledge to myself how our basic human instinct of survival, fight or flight responses, and internalised fears can drive any of us on a journey to self-destruct.

In his multi-award winning book #Loneliness – The Virus of The Modern Age, he describes this dark place that occasionally we all go to as:

“…the caves of wretched solitude.”

Through every session I had with him, I began to self-realise how I foolishly believed that my only option to handling my agonising pain is to resort to becoming an alcoholic and experience a short-term relief. I also realised that in the long term those behaviours driven by the pain I could not control almost cost me my life.

Some of you may know that going through Alcohol Detoxification is an immensely difficult thing to bear. Firstly, to go through alcohol detoxification once is not an easy task to accomplish, but to go through it more than 12 times as I did, can take you to the brink physically, emotionally and mentally. Secondly, to not sleep for nine days, your body will go through unbearable pain as it starts to reject all the toxins injected, an unforgettable experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

It is made all the more painful though when your father, my dad who is the most fantastic man in the world would sit with me at 2, 3, 4 am in the morning just because he knew his presence helped calm me. The worst case was when my parents had to help to feed me, a man myself in my 30’s at the time, all because of truth being, my alcohol detoxification moments where so bad to handle.

I would shake so violently that at times I couldn’t even hold a cup of tea to drink it or hold a knife and fork to eat my food. The shakes were so extreme that I couldn’t do these everyday tasks that most us take for granted and my parents would have to help feed and water me.

I also took up unwittingly a lot of my parent’s time especially their thinking time as they always worried about me during all those years when I was ill.

It is only as I healed the wounds of my broken self and past and started my self-development journey from within myself that I became aware of how my troubles, troubled my family that I began to appreciate even further how special the teacher I encountered by chance indeed is.

During my four years of working with him, I met so many people that also sought his advice to overcome personal, professional, and business challenges. His name is Tony J. Selimi and is now one of the World’s greatest healers, business success mentors, life coach to the CEO’s of fortune 500 companies, celebrities, entrepreneurs, scientists, doctors, and people from all professions who are now TJS Students of Life, Love, and Wisdom.

Despite the many breakthroughs I created by working with him, there were people who once I considered to be friends that themselves are still on a self-destructive path I once was who spend their money on alcohol, clothes they don’t need and drunken holidays that called and messaged me to tell me to stop working with the very same man that saved my life. They never worked with him, yet they were preaching me to stop working with him only because they thought he was too expensive.

The funny part is that one of these men wanted me to stop investing in my personal development and healing journey with Tony only so that I could instead spend the money to buy and replace a perfectly good working boiler.

As we learn to shred the many layers of pain, we also start seeing with clarity how the very same people with whom we shared self-destructive experiences for years now also blatantly ignore you when they meet you on the street, supermarket, and share our transformation healing journey with them.

I know that many of you reading this article at some point in your life have come across this kind of people who from living in pain they love to mock others behind their back. All because some of us make a conscious choice to change, invest in transforming and improving our own lives.

One key lesson that I would love to share for those of you who consider getting a teacher like Tony to help you implement changes in your business, personal, family and professional life is this:

Expect that you will have people who will challenge and those who will support you as you go through those mindset shifts required to heal your body-mind and the relationship with self and others.

At times, you will also experience loneliness, but if you have a teacher, coach and mentor like Tony is, you will start to meet new people who become the supporting structure needed for you to honour the truth within. You accept that life is made up of pain and pleasure, acceptance and rejection, love and hate, which Tony with his life-transforming principles makes you realise in a way that makes everything far more loveable and acceptable.

You know that it takes specific inner strength to heal yourself of every pain you’ve ever experienced in your life, but what Tony did for me and can do for you is to be a clean mirror that we all need if we want to go through and beyond the pain, shame and guilt we deep down feel.

It is not easy, but what is easy, is Tony’s unique way that helps you educate yourself to see the devastating effects of living in pain and with illnesses has on you and others. Since I have met Tony, he has used his twenty-five conscious engineering principles of his trademarked TJS Evolutionary Method: ALARM ™© to clear the lens through which I observe inner and outer reality. Unleashing the power of your true authentic self is the twelve principle of this powerful methodology that he uses to transform businesses, leaders, and elevate people’s awareness and spirit.

It is this that helped me also see every event through other people’s eyes, such as for the first time to see how my mental health illness was observed through my parent’s eyes. Every session with him has been different. Each session has taught me to look at the drawbacks and the benefits of the healing work I have undertaken with him for myself and others.

To help you on your journey, let me just share eight major life benefits that I now enjoy as a result of reading his books, daily doing his meditations, and having him as my coach-mentor and spiritual educator:

  1. Today my parents worry about me less and less; they have peace of mind that I can function on my own. This feeling on its own is priceless for me; you just can’t put a price on this feeling.
  2. I learned that by investing in myself, I invested in the greatest asset you will ever possess- your body-mind-heart-soul.
  3. What we spent our money and time on is what we value in life. This awareness helped me learn how to value money and how by investing in myself how far the money I earn can go.
  4. Spending the money I once used to spend on holidays, drinking, and shopping in working with a world-renowned expert is saving our NHS as I no longer depend on the drugs prescribed and the frequent visits I used to have.
  5. I learnt just how much money I wasted on Alcohol that I now happily spend on the evolution of self which benefits my health, work, family and society.
  6. The money I now earn is put towards my personal development and doing things I genuinely love.
  7. I found that being emotionally in pain drives our behaviours of buying items that bring short-term happiness and long-term pain. I no longer am driven to spend money on clothes, cigarettes, alcohol and drunk-driven behaviours during holidays.
  8. How committing my time, money, and focus on working with Tony J. Selimi has brought into my life something far more profound and more lasting. Everlasting I’d say are the feelings of fulfilment, meaning, love, gratitude and listen to my deeper calling to do something extraordinary with my life that will benefit all of Humanity and those living in pain.

Today, I wake up every day knowing that the pain that once destroyed my life is also what put me on a path to unravel my authentic being that now shares openly with everyone the good and the bad. I no longer suffer in silence or conjure up stories and lies that once I used to hide what I was going through. My parents appreciate this authenticity as it means we now have a better relationship and it’s also a trusting one, my parents now trust me completely, something they couldn’t always do in the past.

This journey I am on with Tony as my coach, mentor, healer, and spiritual educator is consistently helping me discover that when you genuinely start thinking for yourself first and start making decisions based on your true authentic values and not on what others will think of you that you gain the real freedom that comes from within.

In today’s world where government ministers and employers put a big emphasis on employee mental health and well-being, I know Tony’s integrated, holistic approach to training and developing senior executives and teams in every layer of the organisation is something that every company would benefit.

Let me leave you with this one idea worth sharing, adopting, and bragging about so that we collectively can raise the awareness needed to help others in pain. I am the perfect example that with the right teachings, environment, and mentor you too can indeed begin to live the life you want to live, not the life others want you to live to fulfil their values or their thoughts on what you should or should not be doing with your life.

Yes, you’ll lose old friendships based on the personas you developed by being in pain, but I know that you’ll also discover new ones along the way that are truly meaningful, authentic, and inspiring.

Thank you to thousands of people, who follow my healing journey, commented and shared my various posts, and spend your precious time to read the articles I love to write to inspire action in others.

Paul McMonagle

PS – Whenever you’re ready, here are four ways Tony can help you jailbreak the prison of your mind and accelerate your journey to greater levels of health, success, and wealth.

 #1 … If you need a bit of clarity, guidance, and inspiration, you can start reading four times Amazon #1 Best-selling books A Path to Wisdom and #Loneliness

#2 … Enrol in his online Udemy course Mindfulness for higher Productivity, Performance and Profitable Life course.

#3 … Make the fastest progress by hiring Tony to work with you or your business on a one-on-one basis for a full day. Just click HERE to go to his website and book your first session.

4. … To interview Tony to inspire your audience on TV, Your Radio/Podcast listeners or to hire Tony to speak at your next company or industry event fill in the appropriate form which you can do from his website.

    The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres. We publish pieces written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Learn more or join us as a community member!
    Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

    You might also like...

    Community//

    Breaking the Mental Health Stigma

    by Paul McMonagle
    Community//

    8 Powerful Perspectives on Life to Transform You

    by Safwan Khan
    Community//

    My Way Out of Introverted Life

    by Paul McMonagle

    Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

    Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

    Thrive Global
    People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

    - MARCUS AURELIUS

    We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.