I’ve been dealing with more critical feedback than usual based on recent opinions I’ve shared in my blogs. It has definitely been a learning curve for me to not take the feedback personally and to see the psychological innocence in the people who shared. However, my biggest teacher in this area has been my daughter. She really helped me to see how I was not holding a loving and compassionate space for her when she was upset. In my attempts to be mature and not lose my cool, I would separate myself from her anger. However, my steps of self-care left her feeling abandoned and alone. I was thinking I was being spiritually enlightened by not engaging in conflict, but I was blind to my lack of compassion and empathy for her. It isn’t good enough for me to separate myself to preserve my internal stability. She needed me to dig deeper so I can be with her in her pain and suffering.
Angus and I can both see how we have the opportunity to move beyond simply separating when a situation gets heated, to actually finding the stability of love and empathy within our own hearts so we can be present with someone who is suffering. Me feeling hurt by people getting upset with me for sharing my opinions is just another example of me taking conflict personally. I can see now more clearly that upset is simply a reflection of suffering. It is not about me, but it is an opportunity for me to lead with love.
It seems that is what is needed most for change to happen. For us all to develop the capacity for empathy and compassion in the face of suffering even when, and particularly when, it is expressed as anger and reactivity.
Angus & Rohini Ross are “the Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and understanding. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate individualized couples intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of Marriage (The Soul-Centered Series Book 1), and they are co-founders of The Soul-Centered Series: Psychology, Spirituality and the Teachings of Sydney Banks. You can also subscribe to Rohini’s weekly blog that includes their weekly Vlog on her website, rohiniross.com.