Asking for help literally saved me from spiraling further down a deep dark hole.
I was always one of those types that wore a thick armor. I could deal with everything and anything that came my way. I seldom felt needy. I was a strong warrior and could cope with anything that life dished out. Until one day I couldn’t.
My marriage ended officially in April 2012. That was when the divorce was final. Prior to that, I spent the previous 2 years in the struggle of a lifetime. My ex-husband had started a new relationship whilst we were still married. I was completely blindsided, and I didn’t know how to cope. Infidelity sucks in the most epic way.
I was emotionally spiraling out of control and heading into a black hole. I knew if I continued down there, I may not have been able to get back. The real saving grace was that I had a deep knowing, or I guess you could call it an insight, that I was not going to be able to get through this nightmare without getting help. This was new for me. I was not the needy type. Yet it couldn’t have been any clearer that I needed support.
It felt like a neon flashing light had gone off that was calling me to reach out. It was screaming for me to find a way to support myself. I needed strength from outside of me. I was not able to do this on my own.
I look back and laugh at how I became what I playfully called a “support junkie”.
I reached out to my close friends. I found a talk therapist. I went to an acupuncturist to help with relieving anxiety. I signed up for group work with others who were recovering from divorce. I journaled. I hired a life coach. I meditated. I took up yoga. I shared my experience with anyone who would listen. I did it all.
I learned that I was needy after all and that it was okay to be. All these things were helpful. In particular, the group work where I attended weekly meetings with other men and women who were struggling. It was incredibly healing knowing that together we were feeling similar and there was a strength and comfort from being with each other in our shared experiences.
It takes courage to ask for help. For me I found a gift in all of this which inspired me to change my career and trained to be a coach and mentor so that I can help other men and women who are struggling with relationships ending.
I encourage anyone who feels like they are spiraling towards a dark place to reach out and ask for help. It could save you in a way that you might not have experienced if you try to do it alone.
Get your brave on. Become a “support junkie”. Ask for help.