That is what we are talking (or shall I say, writing) about in this article in my “Ask Emmy Anything” series.
So, let’s talk formula! I know, I know, no one wants to talk about MATH in love, but ladies and gents, let me tell you, it works.
A couple of disclaimers: The ratios I layout in this article or not for a hookup, random romance, or even the all too common “I like her/him, but….” half-committed type. This is about a soulmate, love of your life connection. Also, these are not some opinions I made up out of thin air. I had many conversations with many men (and women) on my list.
Ready to jump into the breakdown? Here. We. Go!
Soulmate love is:
20% nurturer (motherly* ONLY with your children, not with your man. Honey, grab a jacket! Never again)
10% independent (I am an independent business boss, but not in the relationship, and not more than 10% of the time).
You know I love giving you all practical examples of what I am talking about, so the love of my life, Matt, joined me so we can give you some gems from both the male and female perspectives.
Oh, do we love to play.
Recently, we were both beyond exhausted and about to fall asleep, and as Matt recounts, he felt me inching upon him. My back now against his back, slowly moving him….off the bed. I was cracking up inside, and by the time he realized it, we both broke out into hysterical, delusional laughter. The next day, he texted me that he was still laughing about it. Make your men laugh!
Oh, and then Matt and I went to Menards, and the polished floor was very slippery, and I had old sandals without soles. So, I decided to grab Matt’s belt and have him pull me across the floor. We were having the best time, and the people around us were, as well. So many smiles and elevated energy.
These are a few examples of public and private playfulness. Both are fun, but there is something truly contagious about public play. As my honey always says, think about how the effect a publicly playful couple is when you see them, especially in this robot lifestyle of routine that we have today. It makes people happy, it makes them smile.
Now let’s talk about sexiness! Literally, we are connecting sexy to…all about sex. Creating the intimacy, desire, being open, and allowing the flow of the energy to not push him away on a regular basis.
From the man’s point of view, men are hard-wired to appreciate sexiness. It is part of what they look for in a relationship and is a major player. As Matt says, to have a woman that wants to be sexy for you and with you, that lights us up, as long as it is not forced and made up. So, I listen to my man and surprise him with sexiness. There will be moments when he is on the couch, and out I walk into the living room in a dress. I can literally feel him think, “Woah, that is sexy, and I know what time it is 🙂
Here is another funny story for you. I used to dress up for a nice event with a dress, come out, and Matt would be so turned on with desire, that he’d ask to take off this lovely dress I had just put on. I was in “NO” mode because we were on a timeline, and then we would get frustrated. The event would end, we’d come home, and were tired from eating and drinking, and fall asleep. So, I switched it up. I started getting ready earlier, had two dresses ready, and instead of being frustrated that he desired me, it was like….let’s go, baby!
We got this question in our masterclass.
What do you do when he wants sex and you don’t?
This is a great, common, and important question. The man’s instinct for the desire for sex is way higher than a man’s. But we women can take control and choose to make a conscious choice to go into that sexy mode in our body? Notice an important word here, control. Because we have to take control. If your man sees you are busy, he will leave you alone. So, I make it a conscious effort to get into a sexy role and let him know I am available. No hints. Lingerie on a Saturday morning in bed. It’s a surprise factor that lets him know exactly where you’re at. Ready! Keep in mind that women, naturally are horny maybe once a month. A man is almost every day. So to get ready for your man, you have to turn yourself on, as well. You don’t want this to be a routine, or work, it should be spontaneous and random.
My love took on the “nurturer” percentage. Oh ladies, please read this. We have to get this one right, or we are heading for disaster.
Matt, and every other man, does not want to be in a relationship with their mother, but do view being nurtured as being in a safe place, and able to be fully open with their partner, so that nothing is off the table thanks to the female’s nurturing vibe! We desire that emotionally, as men. Aside from that, the demand and mothering are a no-go.
Men respect an independent woman, but are not trying to compete or be outdone by their partners. And ladies, please once and for all we are going to eliminate the myth that men are intimidated by a strong woman. Noooo, you are just probably being a bitch and emasculating him. A healthy man will not tolerate this. And the feminine man will find that intimidating because he is feminine.
Healthy masculine men will never find your independence intimidating.
He finds it sexy and is going to magnify it! Period.
“Ask Emmy Anything” is a column dedicated to answering your questions about love, soulmates, romantic myths, and anything else that is holding you back from the relationship you’ve always wanted.
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