If you can answer ‘Yes’ to the following statements it may be time for a toxicity check;
You feel fatigued after being with them
The negative things that they say reverberate inside your head after they’ve left
They don’t support you
You feel dismissed or belittled by them
They leave you feeling ‘less’ than you did beforehand
You are always the one giving
They constantly put you down
Their narrative is always negative
You feel insecure after spending time with them & constantly self censor
There is an abuse of power or control in the relationship
Interaction is characterised by criticism or passive aggression
You don’t feel safe around them
Just thinking about them lowers your mood
If you answered ‘Yes’, there may be more at stake than hurt feelings for you. Your relationships may just be killing you softly.
We all know the link between diet, exercise and wellbeing but did you know that the toxic relationships in your life may be seriously damaging your health? The UCL Whitehall II Study has followed 10,000 participants, examining stress and health in their sample population. Now in it’s 32nd year, researchers have been investigating the impact of negative relationships upon heart health.
Participants were asked to identify their closest relationships, classifying them as either negative or positive with researchers examining the long term impact. The results were alarming. Not only did toxic relationships affect the daily mood of participants, the research team discovered that negativity may also adversely impact both mental and physical health.
The data demonstrated that positive relationships providing reassurance and support bolstered self esteem, contributing to overall wellbeing. Toxic relationships resulted in the opposite; stress, anxiety, depression, Type II diabetes and other health problems. Participants identifying their close personal relationships as negative were at greater risk of cardiac issues, including a fatal cardiac event than their counterpats. What’s more, women and participants with a lower social standing were more likely to have negative relationships.
If you’ve identified a toxic relationship and want to safeguard your wellbeing consider the following steps;
Roberto De Vogli, Tarani Chandola, Michael Gideon Marmot; Negative Aspects of Close Relationships nd Heart Disease, Arch Intern Med. 2007; 167 (18): 1951–1957.
Whitehall II Study http://www.ucl.ac.uk/whitehallII
Gill Crossland-Thackray is a Business Psychologist, Visiting Professor, Trainer, Executive Coach and PhD Candidate specialising in leadership, mindfulness and compassion. She is Director of Koru Development and Co-Director of Positive Change Guru. She is a contributing writer at Thrive Global and has written about psychology for a number of global publications including The Guardian, HR Zone and Ultra Sport. She is also visiting professor at CHE, Phnom Penh.
Through Koru and Positive Change Guru she works internationally with CEOs, senior executives, businesses and individuals to optimise leadership, performance and wellbeing. If you’ve enjoyed this post please consider clicking on the heart. You can contact Gill at [email protected]To find out more follow her at@KoruDevelopment and @PosChangeGuru
Originally published at positivechangeguru.com on May 13, 2017.
Originally published at medium.com