Question: How many ways are you trying to fit in…to make yourself small in order to not stand out?
Starting as children, or for as long as you’ve been watching TV, movies, the news, and commercials, you have received a download and a perspective of women, and “the box”. We are in a world where we are constantly surrounded by the media. And, the media has told you to be a certain way in order to fit in and survive. And that put you in a box. And this is on top of the hard-wired conditioning we all have from prehistoric times. And then on top of that, we also have our own experiences or our parent’s experiences.
The thing is, the desire to fit in is literally hardwired into our brains, it’s an adaptive trait to survive. When we lived in hunter-gatherer societies, we relied on each other, the tribe was key to our survival. In order to survive, everyone had different responsibilities. And if you did not fulfill your responsibilities, you would be kicked out of your tribe. And, if that happened, you wouldn’t survive on your own (hence the fear of dying alone!).
So, please let yourself off the hook for feeling a little scared to “do you”, together, we will let ourselves off the hook and out of “the box” today.
Let’s tune in:
- Where have you been trying to fit into someone else’s box?
- Has it been uncomfortable and felt like you’ve outgrown the box?
Often, we’re trying to fit ourselves into a tight, tiny little box that doesn’t feel anything like us at all.
Here are some of the boxes I put myself into, as an example:
As a yoga and meditation teacher, I always tried to fit in with whatever studio I was teaching at. So I would shrink myself down in order to fit in, I’d make my voice quieter, and softer, and much more relaxed. All in order to fit the mold of the yoga teacher or the meditation instructor. But inside, I wanted to bring passion and life to class because that’s what feels better to me.
Growing up, after my parents got divorced, my mom wasn’t able to provide for us, the box I found myself in was, I need a man in order to live the lifestyle I desire. I need a man to take care of me. I need a man to support me. And my box caused me to only focus on one thing. And that thing was not myself. It was not idolizing myself. It was not seeing how much I could stretch myself and how big I could get. No, instead it was how can I fit the perfect picture of what a man desires so I could become desirable. It was never about how I could be successful, but so I could stand behind someone else who is successful.
If you’ve also done this in the past, and we all have, know that there’s no shame in it. There’s no shame in you shrinking down, there is no shame in you trying out different masks and different outfits and different personas and different identities. We’re all constantly learning and becoming more of who we were always meant to become. We’re constantly evolving, and constantly coming alive into our higher selves. It’s possible you’re in a position right now where you’re feeling that maybe you’ve been in a box for a little bit too long.
How would you feel if this box didn’t exist?
We need to learn how to trust what feels good, and to know, with absolute certainty when it feels good for you, it is good. And when it feels good for you it is true and right. We all have generational conditioning centered around fitting in and around masking the version of ourselves who wants to be expressed. That’s why it’s so challenging for us to figure out who we are.
To get out of a box, I ask myself a series of questions:
“Who says?” Who says I have to do things in that way? Who says I can’t be crazy? Who says I’m not going to fit in? Who says fitting in is the cool thing in the first place? And who says that fitting in equals success?”
From what I’ve seen, people who are super successful usually don’t fit in. They’re not for everyone. But none of us are for everyone. And we don’t want to be. That’s boring.
Who says? It’s a question you can come back to, just to kind of kick your booty back into alignment (and out of the box you’re in.)
Can I start to believe and set new beliefs and new ideas that support me feeling good, being worthy, being enough, and being fully expressed? When it feels good and you follow your heart, you will always be supported. That is the law of the Divine assignment. When you answer the call, your box will evaporate and your heart will leap forward.