A default setting that majority of us grow up with is about coming first, about being a winner, the best, the one people want to be most like. The thing is what does this really mean and is this a way of life that you really want to live? The life that happens all around us each day is our constant lesson and reminder of who we are.
What we learn from children if we parent in a conscious way…
My little girl is 4 and being a parent is the most rewarding and simultaneously challenging job I have ever had. I say more often than not that Olive, my little girl is my biggest mirror. She is the sponge because she takes everything in and that shows me who I am in real time and how I behave in real time, because all I am, is all she is becoming.
It’s the job that no one really teaches you how to do. There are many books and articles you can read and coaches who can help you be a better parent, yet you do what you think is best based on how you were parented and how you now see the world if you live in a conscious world. When I say conscious world I mean one where you take responsibility for who you are and how you show up in life each day.
As a parent one of my daily challenges is attempting to do things on the time scales I have set, which can be much easier said than done. Little people are generally untainted by the adult world and live in their own little real-ality that has no worries, no stress and no concept of time. Factoring this in, it means that little tasks such as getting dressed can take either a short time or what seems like forever! So how do I overcome this as a parent. Well initially I started to say lets have a race and see who can be the winner! Who can come first and be the best! Then after a few days, I stopped stepped back and said why the heck am I doing this. Well it’s past conditioning, I have learned this from things I have done in life. It’s being competitive and why the heck am I being competitive with my daughter and why did I feel this was the way to do it. Default setting! Yet it made me really question is this how I want my child’s belief systems to be programmed? Do I want her to feel that she has to win at a simple thing of getting dressed and what impact will that have on her and how she does life as she grows up? NO! So I changed it. It took me sometime and some brain power to think of an alternative to this, however I did and it works. Now we see who can do it quickly and we check in with each other on how we are getting on. There is still an element of competition, yet a far more conducive one.
What is my point here?
Well sometimes it takes something that is seemingly unimportant to make you see how you are really living your life. I have never really been a competitive person. I am happy being me and doing things my way, what others do doesn’t have that much impact on me in the bigger picture. Yet unconsciously there are places where I am competitive and it’s all to do with my learned behaviour.
So do we really need this in our lives? What benefits does it bring us? Two very key questions. When we look at the world today it is FULL of competition and whilst it does have it’s benefits in helping us to evolve as humans does it really empower our lives in a positive way? Again in some ways yes and in others a big No.
Competition can lead to greed and humans behaving in a way that they wouldn’t do ordinarily. It also for me provokes strange reactions. Yesterday I was in the car and had BBC radio 2 on. There was a news report about a “huge upset and shock” at the Snooker world championships because a 23 year old rookie had knocked out 5 time world champion Ronnie O’Sullivan. Here’s the thing, why isn’t it amazing and fabulous? Why is it a huge upset and shock? Well it’s this, people can be afraid of change and in turn this means they are afraid of evolution and this new rookie James Cahill gave it his best shot. I wonder if the people who wrote the report have any consideration for the impact their choice of words had on James? I would imagine not as the press is all about sensationalising news and showing you the bit they want you to hear.
So taking all of this into account what does competition mean to you in your life? Have you ever considered this? What does it mean to win? What does it mean to loose if that’s the way you want to look at it? Do you trust in divine timing? Do you even know what divine timing is? Does it matter to you what others do, say and have? This subject sparks a gazillion questions on life and how we live it, be it and do it. I encourage you to ask yourself these questions about your own life and be super honest with the responses. Then take a step back and see if you feel any changes need to be made, I bet there will be some. For me we are a constant evolution, a work in continual progress if we are being our Trueself.
It then leads me on to the bigger question of how this impacts us as a community of humans. If we are continually encouraged to do the competition thing, how do we live in harmony with this? We know that there have been many instances of foul play in sports and when you break it down black and white, in every area of life. Money, where influential money figures have turned things to suit them financially, leaders, where they have made decisions to suit them and not for the good of the people, entertainment, where people have used their power to influence and get their way on things that were a little dubious to say the least.
I kind of feel like this article could go on forever discussing this matter, yet the simplicity of life is this. You came here as a totally blank canvas, and the rest until you became responsible for you was down to your role models. How solid were their foundations in teaching you? We do our best based on what we know and thus far in our evolution there are not as many humans that live a conscious life as there could be. I believe this is changing, yet it does beg an even bigger question of what will happen to us as a race before we all learn it. So many of our so called role models/leaders in life do things for me in a pretty in congruent way. We have political systems that are outdated and not fit for purpose, we have systems that no longer work in the digital world that we live in, we spend far too much time trying to find someone to blame due to competition rather than taking responsibility for who we are and how we show up in life.
So pretty deep today huh? I feel like these things really now need to be talked about more because our way of life and the competition is killing not only our race, it’s killing our planet too, like I said earlier, where will it all end? Are we heading for a big bang to end this life as we know it and start again? Who knows! What I do know is that you can do your bit. I teach my clients and the messages I share like this one are about small steps and taking responsibility for you and how you do life. Start with that, forget about competing with others and see what impact it has on your life. I bet if you haven’t tried this before you will be surprised at what you find, if you are truly honest and take responsibility for the outcome.
My mantra on life is (as you many know if you read my shizzle) Be~ing you is all you ever came here to be. Create passion in life not competition it’s a similar vibe, yet one that is far more empowering for you.
Have an empowered day.